Barnet Council and the code of Doom !

I suppose one good thing about running a business where you meet the public, is that you meet the public! You'd be surprised what sort of people use my studios, buy violin strings for their children and hire sound systems for their sons Bahmitzvah's. We have Surgeons, Lawyers, Policemen, Gas boiler fitters, IT consultants, Gardeners, Pizza delivery drivers, hairdressers and cabbies. We also have quite a few customers who work for Barnet Council. Regular customers will often pop in for a chat and a cup of tea. Many of them know me quite well and have been coming down for years.

Some of the conversations are quite funny. A few weeks ago, I was having a chat with Kate Nash about her dad's bad leg (he's a good pal of mine). After she went back to her studio, another customer said "That girl looks just like Kate Nash!" It didn't occur to him that superstars have Dad's with bad legs.

Other conversations are quite sad. We had a customer who just dropped in for the first time for 10 years. He lives in Australia and is visiting family. "Where's the big guy" he asked (referring to my ex business partner, Ernie Ferebee). "He passed away from the big C in 2001" I replied. End of conversation.

We have one customer, Emil Bryden, who is the worlds expert on the political situation in Afghanistan. I don't need to read the papers anymore as he tells me the news a month before it happends. His latest hot tip? The Sufi's are taking over the Taliban in the Swat Valley. Remember you heard it here first.

Then we have all of the tittle tattle about Barnet Council. I couldn't possibly print here the stories that people tell me. Not least because they may lose their jobs. I will say this though and this doesn't only apply to Barnet Council, but I'd suggest to certain individuals that they take note. It is most unwise to bully, abuse, shout at, belittle, patronise or embarrass people who work with you or for you. You may think that they are cowed but they are not. Sooner or later they speak to someone like me. I write it all down and file it for future reference. I'm sure you'll appreciate that most of this cannot be published, but people who bear a grudge are very good at pointing those of us who like digging things up in the right direction for our blogs and stories. Now if truth be told, I'd rather not bother, I'd just rather you were nicer to people doing their job.

When I used to travel illegally around the USSR & other parts of Europe, amongst other things writing my diary, for a book I never wrote about the my travels, I became rather good at writing notes in a completely unbreakable code, should the KGB ever catch me. I didn't want to drop my friends in it. To this day, I've kept up this method of taking notes, just in case.

Anyway - see if you can break the Barnet Council Code of Doom. I won't tell you if you have but I'll privately be mighty impressed. This is a Barnet Council related random entry from the last 6 months, following a conversation with a long standing customer - hope you have some fun.

Saw Norma in shop 8.30pm. Bad Hedgehog day. Cakes in 28. Ermentrude vs Hedgehog. Hedgehog 2nd. Hedgehog Paxman'd Norma. Got nowt trout. Naughty Sulky Hedgehog !??! Ermentrude in squirrel mode. Things afoot.