Springtime for Boris at County Hall

Something has troubled me for a while. How could Boris Johnson and his mayoral team be so rubbish. How on earth could so many basic cock ups be squeezed into such a short period of time. God knows how many Mayoral deputies etc have come and gone, some before they even had their feet under the desk.

Bonkers schemes such as bendy bus replacements have been leapt into with no thought for the consequences or cost. The western congestion charge is being abolished, with no clue as to where the shortfall came from. How could the Tories inflict this walking disaster on us? What has David Cameron got against London.  I was looking through my film library today and I came across my favourite film "The Producers" starring Zero Mostel. I slipped it into the slot, sat back and suddenly I realised the horrible truth. There is an uncanny likeness between David Cameron and Zero Mostel (see piccies).

Then I started to think about the plot of the film. Mostel plays a dodgy film producer who has been making a good living producing flops and fiddling the books in the process. Gene Wilder plays his accountant, who points out that if he'd produced a really big flop, attracting loads of investment from doddery old ladies, he could clean up. If it shut on the first night he could keep all the cash. Mostel realises that this is his big chance. He looks for the worst play, the worst actors and asks the wrong critics. The result - A spectacular success. Mostel realises he's finished as he can never pay back the investors so he blows up the Theatre.

Which takes us back to Cameron. Word on the street is that he's never rated Boris. He sacked him from the shadow cabinet at the first available opportunity. I believe that the last thing Cameron wanted was for the Tories to win the London Mayoralty. Boris would be mid term in the election year and Cameron new that there was a good chance that things would be unravelling, causing much damage to the many marginal targets where the Tories hope to win. Just suppose he could solve the Boris problem for once and for all, ensure London stayed under nasty bogeyman Ken and keep all of those marginals tipping towards the Tories.

Looking at Boris's appointments, he clearly got the worst team. As his policies unravel, it's clear that he had the worst policies and as to the critics, well the Evening Standard aside, we all knew what would happen. Anyway, Dave Cameron clearly hasn't watched "The Producers" or he would have known what would happen. London loved Boris in spite of everything. You see they see Boris as Boris, but they blame the Tories for what is going wrong. It is clear that Boris is a buffoon who needs constant minding. He should have a team to catch his foot every time he tries to put it in his mouth.

The trouble is that Cameron does not have the Zero Mostel option. He can't blow up London, he just has to hope London doesn't blow up his chances. Whilst Zero Mostel in the Producers is my favourite film of all time, I'm afraid that I won't be singing along to this little ditty

Springtime For Boris at County Hall

London was having trouble
What a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore
Its former glory
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found
The man for you and me
ANDREW GILLIGAN:
And now it's...
Springtime for Boris and County Hall
London is happy and gay!
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the plastered race!
Springtime for Boris and County Hall
London's a fine land once more!
Springtime for Boris and County Hall
Watch out, Europe
We're going on tour!
Springtime for Boris and County Hall...
CHORUS:
Look, it's springtime
Gilligan:
Winter for Labour and Ken
CHORUS AND Tenor:
Springtime for Boris and County Hall!
BLUE RINSE CHORUS:
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
 ANDREW GILLIGAN :
Come on, Tory's
Go into your dance!
BRIAN COLEMAN:
I was born in Barnet Lane and that is why I'm such a Pain.
VERONICA WADLEY:
Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Tory party! 

 I guess you get the idea. I only wonder why it took me so long to see it, I guess it's too bleeding obvious. I just hope David Cameron feels guilty for lumbering us with the useless lummocks.