Captain Useless Update : Miss Whiplash makes my day !

All the best people in Mill Hill shop in Marks and Spencers. Mind you, so do all of the worst people. Having lived here all of my life, I know all sorts of people who earn their money in a whole manner of ways. I bumped into one of the more colourful characters I know in M&S last Thursday. I call her Miss Whiplash and much of our banter involves discussions about luncheon vouchers (all rather light hearted, I must add). Now we've known each other for years and she is one of my best sources of info at Barnet Council, for reasons I couldn't possibly disclose here.

Anyway we had a brief conversation as I procured a couple of rather tasty plums at the fruit and veg counter. "You've rather upset a few people recently darling" she said. "Oh, what have I done now" I asked. "You know, you really are a very naughty boy (laughs)" she said. Then she said something which rather surprised me "You've been very quiet on the Matthew (Offord) front of late. Have you been told to tone it down?" she enquired. "Erm no, He's just not really been doing anything of late" I responded. She then said "Yes, he's getting rather a reputation for not doing anything". I suggested that she advised him to pull his finger out, as his opponenent, Andrew Dismore is nothing if not a workaholic at campaigning, if he really wants to win the Hendon seat. Anyway, she then shared a few further indescretions (all completely unrepeatable here) and toddled off on her way, in her six inch stiletto's.

I hadn't really truly understood the true power of Miss Whiplash in the Tory party. It seems that one quiet word from her and they all jump. I checked the Barnet Council website and it seems that Matthew Offord has been told off and he's leapt into action. Whilst his Labour adversary, Andrew Dismore has been speaking in the Commons about the burning issue for Mill Hill Commuters - The Thameslink Dispute, and his Lib Dem opponent has gone one step further and arranged a meeting with the First Capital Connect Directors,  Matthew Offord has identified an issue even more important to the hard pressed commuters of Mill Hill. Yes, he's worried that the financial rigors of the credit crunch will force us hard pressed parents to abandon our children to unsafe and dangerous toys. Poor Matthew must have nightmares of us all saying "Sorry Johnny, we couldn't afford a safe and age appropriate toy for you, so here's a box of matches and some paper, go and burn down auntie Madges shed".

Anyway here's his advice from his latest press release -

Councillor Matthew Offord, Cabinet Member for Community Engagement and Community Safety, said: “Toys are usually at the top of most children’s Christmas lists, so it is particularly important this time of year to think carefully when buying gifts whether the toy is age appropriate and safe. Remove all packaging once the toys have been unwrapped and keep a careful eye to make sure little ones are playing with the right toys. By keeping toy safety at the top of your list you should be providing your children a safe and fun Christmas to remember.”

I'm sure Miss Whiplash will be most impressed to see that "old Nanny Offord" is giving us sensible advice and making sure that we look after our little darlings. There's nothing us parents like more than a nice patronising press release from our favourite Councillor, telling us things which are blindingly obvious.
(Picture at top : The Future Shape of Barnets Road Safety)