Brian Coleman : From Mr Blobby to Mr Whiplash

So Brian Coleman has a new job. He's chief whip for the Barnet Conservatives. Now you may find this strange, but I am chuffed that he got this job. You see the job of the chief whip is to be unpleasant to people, to bully them and to force them to act against their better judgement. As we all know, Brian Coleman is the ideal man for this. I genuinely feel sorry for the Tory new boys such as Brian Schama and Suri Khatri in Mill Hill. They seem like nice chaps and they probably think they were elected to help the people of Mill Hill. I am sure once Brian Coleman has whipped them, they'll realise what their true purpose in the Council chamber is. All in all though, I can't think of a group of people more deserving of being whipped by Brian Coleman.

Oh by the way, yes there is a nice taxpayer funded allowance for this post.

P.S I don't think I mentioned my discovery that Brian Coleman has an until now undocumented talent. When Nick Walkley announced the number of votes I received in Mill Hill, our beloved Brian let out the strangest noise. It was sort of a cross between a squeal, orgasmic delight, a laugh and a grunt. If ever Brian finds himself out of work, maybe he could find a job doing voiceovers for David Attenborough. I have never heard such a brilliant impersonation of a wild boar being pleasured into giving a sperm donation in all my years on the planet. Mr Blobby has talent after all !

************** Update Thursday 10am ********************
Brian Coleman has been saying how "all his enemies have been humiliated". Now clearly he's the expert on humiliation after becoming the first Mayor of Barnet to be found guilty by the standards committee. Sadly though (for Mr Coleman), I don't feel humiliated. I feel privileged to have been asked to stand by the Liberal Democrats. I also feel deeply humbled that 2,260 people voted for me. Sure I didn't win, but 36% of people in Mill Hill voted for me. Exactly the same percentage as voted Conservative in the general election. Does Mr Coleman think that David Cameron has been humiliated by achieving that vote? By acting like a plonker, Mr Coleman is just humiliating himself. Maybe he actually enjoys it. Rather sad really