Stuck in the Middle with You - A John Hart tour de force

Do you remember "Stuck in the Middle with you" the 1970's hit for Stealers Wheel. Watching John Hart and Sury Khatri chair the Hendon Residents Forum, I was reminded of this classic songs lyrics.

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.

Watching John and Sury chair the meeting, I started to wonder if I'd at some stage in my misspent youth been slipped a hugely powerful halucinagenic drug and I was really lying in the ward of a mental hospital imaging it all. I missed the first question. I entered the room during question 2. Hale Ward Councillor Hugh Rayner came up and asked me to make sure I read his press release justifying voting for huge rises for Tory Cabinet members. Sadly he didn't have one to actually give me, which meant I ended up sitting with the Labour troublemakers - Andrew Dismore and his merry men (as I know them and thought they'd give me a copy). I hadn't really intended sitting with them, but it meant that there was a little cabal of smart alec trouble makers all sitting together waiting to ambush poor old John and Sury. Question 2 was from local environmental champion Clive Cohen about topsoil. I hadn't anything to add.

Question 3 was from Mr Dan, who I don't know but I suspect is a disgruntled Burnt Oak Resident. It's points were many and vaired. John Hart asked told us to look at the table of figures and asked if we were happy. We were all nonplussed. He said "right if there are no questions, we'll move on to question 4". Sadly for John, Mr Dan then said "I've not even started". He read out a prepared statement which started "I've lived in Burnt Oak since 1940" or some such thing. The gist of it was the Tories were rubbish and he wasn't happy. John Hart tried again "Well if thats it". I then piped up saying that the council hadn't actually answered point "B" which is "what is the councils position of the £M's placed in Icelandic bank?" They had simply spewed out some waffle. John Hart tried to persuade us that the council had done a spiffing job, earning £25 million a year in interest and that they had to invest the money overnight. Andrew Dismore made a couple of relevent points, to which John Hart said "I don't do figures" and then "I wasn't in charge". He explained that you had to invest the money. I asked him if he was aware that the Council hadn't followed it's treasury management policy. His response was along the lines of "I don't do figures and I didn't invest the money". In short the "not my fault guv'nor" defence.

Cue question 4 from Andrew Dismore (ex MP).  John Hart objected to the fact that an ex politician was making political points at a residents forum. Mr Dismore pointed out that he was a mere resident and John Hart was the politician. Mr Dismore was trying to get a statement out of Mr Hart on the Allowancegate scandal. When he finished, I tried my luck. "Dear Mr Chairman, do you agree with the statement made by The Chairman of the Finchley Residents forum last night when he said that Councillor Kate Salinger was his hero". John replied (cunning linguist that he is) "Surely he said Heroine". I said he'd definately said hero and did John agree with this in light of her principled stand against the increase. John replied that Kate Salinger was indeed a very highly principled woman, unlike himself. I'm sure he added under his breath "I've got no principles at all", but I may have misheard him. At this I asked him if he'd got a rise for chairing the residents forum and he said "No and Sury actually got a pay cut".  I thought to myself "what sort of idiots have we elected in Mill Hill. They only support troughing by other people". It would be bad enough if it was for them, but all that derision so the likes of Brian Coleman can have an extra week on holiday in Dorset with his mum.

When it was clear that we would get no joy, we moved on to part two of Mr Dismores  question. What did John Hart think of the cancellation of the school building program, which condemned pupils at Copthall and St Marys to study in slum like squalor. Mr Hart said it was necessary as Andrew Dismore had spunked all the money. I asked how Mr Hart as a former polytechnic lecturer and Mr Khatri as a nuclear scientist could justify the cuts. He replied that it was vital to fix the mess that Andrew Dismore left. Andrew Dismore then explained that this was not the case at all. Given that it is the children of Hendon who suffer, it made me feel rather sick.

At  this point I started to hallucinate that John and Sury were really members of Stealers Wheel.  The middle eight came to mind

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please.... Please.....

We then moved on to West Hendon redevelopment. Same argument "Labour spunked the money" from Hart, from Dismore "Why have you done nothing for ten years". John Hart then the "Not my fault guv" defence, pointing out he'd only been on the council since 2006. Labour Councillor Julie Johnson interjected and made a couple of rather wise and non partisen comments about the problems with the scheme. my mind went back to election night. There was a time when the Labour candidates thought Julie may have lost. Thank god she didn't. It was a pleasure to see someone on top of their brief. Councillor Khatri made a little speech about the problems, but it was clear he knew nothing about the subject. I suggested he did his homework and finished the speech at the next meeting. He looked rather hurt.

The next question was from Nagus Narenthira again about Councillor pay rises. The Council had deployed some sophistry in their answer. We pointed this out several times but I suspect that John Hart was rather pleased as it got him off the hook. There was a bloke sitting next to Hugh Rayner who I think is a Tory Councillor (I don't know his name). At this point he said "what does it matter". Well it rather matters a lot that the council get things right, follow the rules and don't make mistakes.

The reason for the Icelandic fiasco, the Aerodrome road overspend, Partingdale Lane legal fiasco, Underhill Fiasco etc is just this. Lack of attention to detail. I asked what John Hart thought of the GMB's legal challenge to the allowance rise. His response "I used to be a trades unionist you know". He then said "good luck to them, it's their right in a democracy" or words to that effect.

The next question, at which point I made my exit was about shrubs in a playground. John Hart announced he was pleased to get back to "non political proper residents forum questions". I'll bet he was. I'll bet he was even more pleased to get home and have a nice glass of valpocella or the like. I don't think he really enjoyed the meeting. John Hart's idea of a good forum is one where he cracks a few jokes, gets a few hedges cut and is out by 8pm for a beer. Sadly the audience in Burnt Oak this evening were not in the mood for any of it.