Friday, 1 October 2010

An important question for every Barnet Citizen - Do you want a free dinner with Brian Coleman

As you know, the Barnet Eye is run by humourless lefties. As such we never, ever allow any whiff of humour into the blog and every single full stop is written in line with the principles of Leon Trotsky and Karl Marx. As such I'm sure you'll realise that there is no hint of irony whatsoever in this particular blog entry. As such, I thought I'd have a little competition and a little poll, which judging from the results of the Robert Rams poll, is likely to prove most popular. Anyway first the competition. For once this has a really fantastic prize. I am prepared to pay for dinner for the lucky winner, with the Barnet Tory of your choice at the restaurant of your choice in Mill Hill. The only condition is that the said Tory has to agree to come along with you. I will email them when the poll closes with full details of the offer. I'll pay for any starter, main course, side dish and pudding for both of you + the cost of one bottle of wine under £25. What an offer. Given that our local Tories are known to be partial to a nice free dinner, I'm sure they will be only too keen to participate. If they don't, feel free to give them a piece of your mind. Anyway what do you have to do to win? It's simple, you simply have to add a comment saying which Barnet Tory you'd like to spend the evening with, why you've chosen them and which fine Mill Hill restaurant you'd like to go to. Don't worry, I will keep well clear, so if you fancy a canoodle with Coleman over a curry or some rumpy with Ramsbottom over a roast, you won't have me around to spoil the party. So fire away.

Anyway, on to our poll. A local Tory said I'm always nasty and horrible about them. Here's proof that nothing could be further from the truth. Which other blogger has offered them such a fantastic chance. This is open to Councillors as well, so if Graham Old says "I'd like dinner at the Good Earth with Lynne Hillan, so I can Brown Nose her in the hope of a promotion", he might just win. I will be the sole arbitor and anyone who says "I'd like Dinner with Brian Coleman at the Chinese Medical clinic so they can stick acupuncture needles in his eyes" will be disqualified and if it's rude or contains anything illegal I'll delete it.

On to our poll. As the Barnet Eye editorial team contemplated this marvellous prize, we pondered the question of which Barnet Tory we'd least like to spend an evening having dinner with. Now after much deliberation we came to our decision, which we'll detail below, but we thought we'd give you the chance to vote from our selection. Anyway here's a few candidates and our bad dinner partner rating (10/10 means rubbish dinner companion, 0/10 means marvellous company). These are our candidates, for the poll

Councillor John Hart - 1/10 - Unlike most Barnet Tories, John can be quite funny (if you don't do PC). He also is rather fond of a tipple, so unlike most of them, you would probably get good value for money from John (especially if you are a leggy blonde).


Councillor Hugh Rayner - 2/10 - Hugh likes to think of himself as a racontour. He enjoys a tipple and likes a good joke (he must, he voted for Lynne Hillan in the Leadership contest).


Councillor Lynne Hillan - 3/10 - Now this rating may surprise you. The Barnet Eye has it on good authority that once the doors are closed, the curtains are drawn and the bottle of plonk has been opened, Lynne is by no means the stuffy haridan that some leftie bloggers like to portray her as.


Councillor Brian Coleman  - 5/10 - Now I bet you were thinking the Barnet Eye would put our Bwian as the last choice. Not a bit of it. We bear no grudge against Bwian, having taken him to the cleaners in our standards case, where he had to pay a huge legal bill. I can think of nothing better than spending an evening hearing how he ever thought he'd win.


Councillor Robert Rams - 8/10 - The man voted a twat by the Barnet Eye readers. Unlike his mentor, Brian Coleman, I can't really think of too many reasons why I'd want to spend an evening in his company. Certainly not his wit or his intellect. There is always the chance that if enough alcohol was poured down his neck, he might spill an indiscretion or two about Coleman, which would be good blogging material.

And the winner - The Tory Councillor which the Barnet Eye would least Like to spend and evening with is........

Councillor Graham Old - 10/10 - unlike the lot above, he really has no redeeming features whatsoever. He's the man who declared Kate Salinger as his hero, but let her be stripped of all her priveliges for her principled stand against the allowance rise. He has no backbone whatsoever and his support for Hillan in the 19/18 Leadership vote is the reason why Barnet Council still has Hillan at the Helm. A man who used the whole sorry debacle as a means to further his own career in the Barnet Tory Party. Whatever catastrophys befall Barnet Council from now on under Hillans awful leadership are the fault of this man, more than any, as he knew full well she had to go and he bottled it. I rang up my favourite Tory Councillor and asked if he could name a single redeeming feature of Graham Old. His response "erm, I'll have to think about that". He's still thinking.

Anyway, it's your turn now -vote away

6 comments:

  1. I want a free dinner OFF Brian Coleman. I think he should buy every Barnet resident lunch at least once during his term of office (as councillor). He could almost afford it! (Not a Brian Coleman standard of lunch, obviously, but, say, a cold buffet.)

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  2. Difficult, very difficult: we lady bloggers are very fussy, obviously: glad to see Councillor John Hart is in his rightful place at No1, but I'm afraid that Mr Angry would not allow us to dine together unchaperoned. And I wouldn't allow myself to dine with any of the rest of them for fear I might misuse the cutlery and bring their brilliant political careers to a premature and unexpected conclusion.

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  3. Dear Mrs Angry,

    I am sorry that you are unable to partake in the fun.

    I must say that your use of the term premature in the context of Robert Rams and a night out has conjoured a rather disturbing and horrible image in my head. Please be more circumspect in your use of Inglish in future.

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  4. I can only apologise.
    Equally your use of the words Ramsbottom,rumpy and roast have given me something of a funny turn.

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  5. btw, do you think I am Councillor John Hart's sort of woman? Like Boris Johnson, I am of course a natural blonde, and I do have legs. I would try not to let politics come between us.

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  6. Talking of buffets, vickim57, I was once at a function at the Church Farm House Museum and noticed a man at the catered table, stuffing down crisps, sandwiches and crudites like someone who hasn't seen a square meal for months. "Look at him," I said, "hope he leaves a bit for the rest of us."
    "Oh, that's Brian Coleman," said my husband, as if that said it all.
    So that's why I wouldn't want to have dinner with him. I've SEEN him eat.

    ReplyDelete

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