The truth about UFOs and strange lights in the sky

Tonight residents of Barnet were greeted with the sight of strange lights in the western sky. My kids saw these and were rather perplexed. Were they UFO's they asked? Nope, sadly they are not I told them. It is the lightshow from Wembley stadium, where the American football is being staged. Now if you want to see a great view of these, try the Mill Field park on the Ridgeway. This has a great night view of Wembley and you can get a pint at the Hammers or the Rising sun which are just a quick walk from the park.

Which brings us to the general question of UFO's. Do they exist? Are they from another planet? Are they from another dimension? Given that the papers reported that there are 50 billion Earth like planets, I suppose the odds are that there is intelligent life out there somewhere. If we look at how far technology has developed in the last 200 years, who knows where an intelligent race with a million year head start on us may be? Given that a million years is a blink of an eye in the history of the Earth and we had several "great extinctions". The concept becomes more plausable. The question then comes down to "what would they want from us".

This is where it becomes interesting. They clearly wouldn't want our technology, if they were a million years in advance of us. To get here they've mastered interstella travel, which our physics book currently say is impossible in all but the most theoretical of ways. So lets look at other reasons humans travel. Sexual tourism? Some alien encounters report that aliens force them to make love to them. I have always rather suspected that this is like when Kim Basenger used to force me to make love to her, only for me to wake up rather disappointedly. Lets face its (and I really am no expert on this subject), if they were sexual tourists, would they travel across the galaxy to sleep with people who are so evolutionarily backward. I may be wrong but people don't travel half way around the world to shag baboons (and please don't post any links should I prove to be wrong on this). So lets rule that out as rather unlikely.

As for mining & minerals. It's possible that Earth has resources that an advanced race might want, but given they clearly have the technology to go where they like, do they really need to come somewhere so troublesome? Lets face it they are liable to get a nuke lobbed at them, if they get it wrong and I guess (again pure conjecture) that even with their technology, that might be a bit problematical.

Back in 1981, when I was in Stockholm, I bumped into an old American Expat in a bar called Gamla Stan (The Old Town). After a couple of beers, he explained to me that he was on the run from the US government. I asked why and after a couple more beers he told me a truly bizarre story. He said that he was involved with the security services in the 1940's & 50's. He claimed that the US government had entered into secret talks with extra terrestrial entities. He claimed that these protocols had allowed these entities to use facilities in the USA in return for technology. I asked what sort of facilities they needed and he said "just somewhere to park and occasionally take on provisions". What sort of provisions could these be? "Mostly pure cocoa and oranges". He then pointed out that it is getting harder to get decent oranges and if you look, American chocolate has a very low cocoa content.

I then asked how he knew they were trying to kill him. He told me that all of the people in his security detail had died in a short space of time in rather suspicious "accidents". He decided that it was time to disappear and had done a bunk to Europe, settling in Stockholm. I asked him why, if he was on the run, he was telling me this. "Well you aren't an American and everyone here just thinks I'm crazy". I asked him what the technology the Yanks got in return was an he said "I haven't got a clue, way above my paygrade. We were just shipping oranges and refined cocoa when we saw something we shouldn't". At that he suddenly said "That's it" and left.

So there you have it, the real reason that UFO's visit earth is for Chocolates and Oranges. Heaven forbid they ever discover the Terrys Chocolate Orange. I heard they'd moved production from York. Maybe there's more to it than meets the eye. Of course you should never believe everything strangers tell you in pubs. I asked one of his companions and they said "Bob can be a bit weird at times but he's pretty harmless".

Oh and just in case you are from the US secret services and you are still looking for him, He was about 60 then, 5'9" and bald and called himself Bob and was living in Stockholm in November 1981. That's all I can remember and that's the whole story. Honest. And if you are an Alien looking for Chocolate and Oranges, the Halloween kids have cleaned out all of the chocolate and you just can't get decent oranges these days.

Enjoy the rest of Halloween.