The 13 times I nearly died

For some reason today I've been feeling in a rather morbid mood. I got to trying to remember all of the times in my life that I nearly died. I thought I'd catalog them here.
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1962 - 5 Times. My mum told me that she thought she'd miscarried three times and ended up being prescribed bed rest. I was born 7 weeks premature and suffered from what is called blue baby syndrome caused by the rhesus factor ( I attribute my lifelong support of Manchester City to this). Apparently I was transfused three times at birth and spent my first few days in an incubator in intesive care. When I was about two months old,  my next brush with death came. My 4 year old sister Caroline tried to flush me down the toilet. When my mother heard the screams and asked what she was doing, she replied "I don't like this baby, I'm getting rid of it".

My memories of all this are somewhat hazy.

1963 - 1 Time. When I was one year old, the family was sitting at the table. Apparently I decided to see whether I could fly. At least thats what they assumed as I suddenly leapt from the high chair and hurtled head first towards the floor. My big sister Valerie caught me by my ankles and saved my life. I believe Caroline was somewhat cross with her for her intervention.

1966 - 1 Time. We were holidaying in Butlins at Clacton . I decided to jump into the deep end. I don't really know why, as I couldn't swim. It was really interesting, as you could see the street outside and people walking past. I was rather annoyed at the lifeguard for saving me.

1971 - 1 Time. I was going down to the shops in Mill Hill Broadway, with my friend from up the road, Dale Malone. I walked into the road without looking. Dale pulled me out of the way as a car hurtled past. He said "I saved your life". I said "Thanks".

1982 - 1 Time. I went out on the booze, with a few friends. My sisters ex, John Morewood gave us a lift home in her Triumph Herald convertable. At the top of the A41 in Hendon, heading down the hill and round the bend into Mill Hill, John announced "This is my favourite bend" and floored the accelerator. In the middle of the bend, he lost control and the car span through 480 degrees, coming to a standstill pointing the wrong way. Fortunately we hit nothing and no one was hurt. It was a very freaky feeling and for a few seconds, I really felt like we were going to die. As John restarted the engine, he said "I told you that was my favourite bend".

1984 - 1 Time. I woke up in the morning and started throwing up blood. Seems I didn't get on with an antibiotic called Erythromycin. I was in hospital for a month. A rather odd experience.

1987 - 1 Time. I had arranged to meet a friend and travel to Plymouth to watch Manchester City play Plymouth Argyle. My plan was to get the tube to Paddington and then meet him at Bristol. I got as far as the traffic lights on the Edgware Road at the top of Burnt Oak. As I went to cross, to get some cash from the Nat West cashpoint, a car jumped the lights and hit me. He'd not seen me and had assumed the lights were changing. I saw him and jumped, but got hit on the thigh. My feet went through his windscreen, I rolled over the roof of the car and landed on my head, which fortunately I'd protected with my hand, breaking my little finger. My thigh swelled up to a size that it wouldn't fit trousers, I had a fracture below the knee, that they missed. I also had a hairline fracture of the spine in the l2 vertibrae. I jumped up, got in the car and got the driver to drive me to Edgware General, as everyone told me to lie down and wait for an ambulance. As I lay in bed, high as a kite on Morphine, a policeman came and said "The driver has admitted careless driving, he said he jumped the lights and was doing 40mph". The Doctor said "I've never seen anyone survive a crash at that speed". The Policeman said "Do you want to procecute him?" I said (in my morphine induced bliss) "No, he seemed like a really nice bloke". Three months later I got a bill from the NHS for being admitted following a road accident. I didn't pay it on principle.

1998 - 1 Time. I went out for a Christmas doo  to a restaurant called Mars in Endle St, Soho. We actually started at the Barcelona Tapas bar in Middlesex Street. At the Barcelona, I drank 3 beers and a bottle of red wine. At "Mars" I drank another bottle of wine, several large cocktails and a bottle or two of spirits. I woke up with something way beyond a hangover. My eyesight was altered in as much as everything seemed to be sepia. I couldn't face alcohol for about six weeks and I had all sorts of other pleasant symptoms associated with alcohol poisoning.

2003 - 1 Time. We went down to visit my brother Frank, in Bristol. On the M4, the conditions were pretty treacherously wet. At one junction, the cars were stopped in the inside lane. The two outside lanes were relatively clear, with cars travelling at 70mph. All of a sudden, about 200 yards in front of us, one of the cars in the "stuck" lane, decided he'd had enough and went to pull out into the middle lane. He hadn't checked properly and pulled out in front of a car which was doing 70mph. They hit each other and within about 2 seconds, five cars were spinning around uncontrollably at 70mph, bashing into other cars. Stopping was impossible, so I accelerated and steered a line through the spinning cars. Clare (wife) had put her head in her hands, screamed and closed her eyes awaiting the almighty smash. As we passed the carnage she looked back to see 14 cars smashed up behind us. When we arrived, Frank said "We thought you'd be held up, there was a terrible crash on the M4". Clare tells me that to this day, she doesn't know how we got through. I attribute it to good driving.
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So you may ask what the point of a blog such as this is. None really, other than this. Drive carefully, don't drink to excess, check the side effects of all medication, don't get into a car with drunk driver, teach your kids to swim as early as possible and to look both ways when they cross the road. And most of all -Superman can fly, you are not Superman !