Why Toyah Wilcox owes me a shag !

There is a brilliant article today in the Guardian written by Deborah Orr. She discusses whether wearing of provocative clothing is an "invitation to rape" and whether demonstrations such as Slutwalks are a sensible form of protest. Read it. She sums up with an extremely sensible parargraph on sexual politics.

But men, generally, are not the problem. Considering the flood of fantastical sexual messages they are fed by the media, they show themselves to be notably resilient and sensitive. That unlocked door? Hundreds or thousands will walk right past. But some bastard might come along who won't. Door locked, door unlocked, burglary is burglary is burglary. And only burglars, by definition, commit it.

As I read this on the 07.46 train this morning, my mind was cast back to 1978, when I was a sixteen year old teenager on the lookout for a good time. My interests were punk rock, chasing women and enjoying myself in all manner of illegal and immoral ways. The pursuit of these pleasures took me to the Nashville in Kensington to see Toyah Wilcox perform with her band. Someone had read a review that said she had a "raunchy show". I went with the then bassplayer of my band Pete Conway, who shared many of my interests in such things. My memories of the show are hazy, as is much of that period of my life, but I vividly remember what happened at the end of the show. I'd been rather disappointed as Toyah was neither as Punk as I'd hoped (she was clearly into drama, I was into anarchy) or as raunchy as I'd fantasized. It was a fairly average set from a fairly average band. As the band departed the stage after the obligatory encore, a roadie went up to the mic and shouted "Anyone who comes backstage can shag her". I was standing at the bar with Pete when this announcement was made. It seemed like too good an offer to turn down. I didn't really fancy her that much, but it was the best offer I'd had all night.

Now Toyah's kind offer had prompted a stampede for the door to the backstage area. There was a crush of eager, sweaty blokes and a team of burly bouncers telling them all to piss off. Pete Conway looked rather dejected. I suspect he was rather more keen to take up the offer than I was. He said "We'll never get through them". Of course, I came from a family where such an invitation was a challenge. I said "Of course we will, we just jump up on the stage and nip through the stage door. No one is guarding it. At that we leaped up, onto the stage and ten seconds later, we were face to face with Toyah in her dressing room.

She looked rather startled to find these two herberts standing there "Do you want an autograph?" she asked. I responded "No, I want a shag, your roadie said anyone who wanted a shag could come backstage and you'd sort them out". Toyah looked rather nonplussed. "Oh, erm well I've got a boyfriend, he'd be upset". I persisted "But your roadie said.....". At this, the guitarist of the band, realising that the situation had the potential to be rather embarrassing for all intervened and said "Listen guys, you ain't getting a shag but you can have a few beers with us". To me this sounded like a more than reasonable compromise. We sat down with the band and hepled them demolish the crate of stella's or whatever the rider was that night.

Once Toyah realised we'd been successfully bought off, she relaxed and we had a pleasant chat. As we were in the process of getting the False Dots together, the band offered us a few tips and exchanged numbers, saying "when you get a set together, give us a bell, we'll see about a support gig" (By the time we were ready, we'd lost the number). As we chatted and Toyah realised we were actually quite nice she said "Did you really think you'd get a shag?". I replied "We just did it for a laugh, I didn't know what we'd get". She told us that the roadie had said it a few times and no one had ever jumped up on the stage and come through the back door before, she said she'd been a bit frightened at first. She said she thought that it was probably time to think of a new gimmick (or words to that effect).

As we sat on the tube home, we discussed it. Pete informed me that he thought that she was really up for it when the roadie announced it. I said "No, I realised straight away that it was just a publicity stunt". Pete said "She should be careful, one day someone will take her seriously and it could all go wrong".

And that is why I thought back to the incident when I read what Deborah Orr had to say. Of course how you dress or whether you wear perfume is never an excuse to rape or sexually assualt someone. As grown ups we have to learn to distinguish between fantasy and reality. The type of female singers and the shows we have today are a million times more raunchy than the show Toyah gave us at the Nashville. Young girls today get themselves horribly pissed, wearing virtually nothing. It seems to me though that the vast majority of men respect the fact that it is up to them. I'd urge all girls to display a modicum of common sense in what they wear and where they go. Not because I think people ask for it, but because I think the world is not a perfect place and there are bad people out there.

What I do passionately believe though is that if a woman says no she means it. Any man who doesn't accept this and assaults or rapes a woman should face harsh penalties. If a man thinks he's been lead on, and a woman has subsequently refused him, he is entitled to nothing. Not even a free beer from the band. Get over it and behave.