By Barnet Council Insider,
Last week, Barnet Council had its 'inaugural' People Values Awards Ceremony to recognise the achievements of 20 staff across the council. I wondered how many of the same staff would actually still be Barnet Council employees this time next year, when the next ceremony supposedly comes around. A few of them in the photograph on the intranet looked like they already knew the answer.
As it's the time of Awards and Oscars, I wondered if the bloggers had any nominations of their own (daft question I know), and whether they would combine a bloggers awards ceremony with the premiere of 'A Tale of Two Barnets' at the Phoenix Cinema in March?
My television was on the blink last night, so instead, I started making a few suggestions here below.
Best Film/contract nominations
'Great Expectations'...................... screenplay by Watt (The) Dickens, starring Jean 'Capita' Simmonds,
produced by 'The Biggest Aspirational Benefits' Company
(whose other credits include 'Space Odyssey',
'Reach for the Sky', 'A Bridge too Far' and 'Field of Dreams'
'Dial M for Murder (of Liverpool City Public Finances)' …........... BT productions
'Saving Privatising Ryan'.............The Bidding Brothers Inc.
'Brief Encounter' …..................The wRank Organisations (nomination now withdrawn/with OFT)
'Apocalypse Now'.................... special effects provided by the
'We're not touching The Huge Reserves' Company
'The Day After Tomorrow' …....produced by
'Now we have to touch The Huge Reserves' Company
'Brewsters Millions' ….............. produced by United Consultant Artists
'Passchendaele'.........................produced by Warnout Brothers
'The Pursuit of Happyness'.........produced by BAPS
'Gone With The Wind' ..............directed by Barnet Council
Best international film/contract nominations
'Abu Dhabi Doo' …........................ Directed by Fred 'Bam Bam Thank you Mam' Flintstone,
NSL productions
' Ice Cold in Croydon'......................NSL productions
Best film/contract in a foreign language nominations
'Bangalore or Bust'.......................... BT productions
'The Interpreter'............................... BT productions
Best Script writing nomination
The Huge Reserves Company.............. for 'Terms of non-Endearment',
'The leaked Minority Report',
'The leaked Pelican Brief'
'No Sense and No Sensibility',
'It's transparently Complicated',
'The Silencing of the Union Lambs',
'Enigma',
'The Evaluation Da Vinci Code'
Best Adaptation of a Shakespeare play nominations
'I, Cornelius'....................................................by Richard Cornelius
'A Mid Summers Night CSO Dream' …........ co-starring warren Beatty and richard 'EC' Harris
Best actor nominations
Eric Pickles....................................in 'Superman'
Mr. Mustard..................................as Poirot in 'Murder on the Metpro Express'
as James Bond in 'FOIs Only'
as Robert Langdon in 'The Da Vinci Code'
'Bunker' Bill Murphy...................... in 'Groundhog day' and 'Iron Man'
Mr. Reasonable............................. in 'To Sirs With Love' and 'The Belles of St.Trinians'
Best Supporting Actor nominations
Bill 'Murray' Murphy.................................. in 'CSO Busters'
Richard 'EC' Harris and Conway Twitty........in 'The Misfits' and 'The Odd Couple'
(Conway Twitty nomination now withdrawn)
Best Actress/Supportng Actress nominations
Joan Crawford and Jean 'Capita' Simmonds......….....in 'Mommie DRS'
Mrs.Angry …....................................................... as 'Erin Brockovich'
CitizenBarnet.........................................................as Clarice Starling in
'The Silencing of the Union Lambs'
(written by The Huge Reserves Company)
Best Original Film Song
'Man or a Muppet'................................................by too many involved in this - still shortlisting
Honorary Academy Award
The Barnet Five Bloggers......................................Best Adaptation of an Enid Blyton Book
Life Time Achievement Award...................................... Rog T
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Actually, this wasn't sent to me as a Guest blog, just something to make me chuckle by one of my regular emailers within the ranks of Barnet Council Employees, but as it certainly made me chuckle, I deemed it worthy of guest blog status. Feel free to add your nominations below.
Erin Brockavich, yes, thank you, me & Julia Roberts, much in common. At least it wasn't Pretty Woman.
ReplyDeleteI had mentally cast Mrs Angry in the role of a latter day Emily Pankhurst. Might I have got that wrong?
ReplyDeleteThere is always the film version of 'The Mayor of Barnetbridge', by Thomas Hardy.
ReplyDeleteAt a Summer Fair in Friern Barnet, a young hay-trusser named Brian Coleman overindulges in power-crazed furmity, and quarrels with the rest of the Summer Fair Committee. Spurred on by his over-reaching power, he decides to privatise his local authority to a sailor, Mr. Beattie, for five guineas.
Once back in his ward the next day, he is too late to recover his borough, particularly since his reluctance to reveal his own bad conduct keeps him from conducting an effective search. When he realizes that his borough is gone, probably for good, he swears not to touch the 'liquor of power' again, for as many years as he has lived so far (twenty-one).
Eighteen years later, Coleman, now a successful recipient of allowances, is the eponymous Mayor of Barnetbridge, known for his staunch sobriety. He is well respected for his financial acumen and his work ethic, but he is not well liked. Impulsive, selfish behavior and a temper are still part of his character, as is secretive activity.
All these years, Coleman has kept the details surrounding the "loss" of his borough a secret. The voters in Barnetbridge believe he is just a Totteridge councillor, although he never explicitly says that his borough had been sold.
While travelling to the borough of Southwark on business, Coleman falls in love with more allowances at the London Assembly. When Coleman returns to Barnetbridge he leaves Boris to face the consequences of their fling. In order to rejoin polite society Boris must give Coleman control of the London Fire and Rescue Service, but there is a problem: Coleman has already lost a local authority. Although Coleman never told Boris exactly how he "lost" his borough to begin with, he does tell him he has a borough which "is sold off, but which may return, if the contracts turn bad".
Besotted, Boris gives control of the fire service to him, despite the risk. Yet just as Boris is about to send for Coleman, the borough unexpectedly appears in Barnetbridge. It is now bankrupt, providing very poor public services, and is the laughing stock of London.
The return of the borough sets in motion a decline in Coleman's fortunes. Yet the borough itself is not the root cause of Coleman's fall. He alone makes the decisions that bring him down, and much of his bad luck is the delayed and cumulative consequence of how Coleman treats other people.
Thanks baarnett - a fairy story in more ways then one......
ReplyDelete