The
following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry
midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student.
The
answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with
colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure
of enjoying it as well :
Bonus
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools
when it expands and heats when it is compressed)or some variant. One student,
however, wrote the following:
First, we
need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the
rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving,
which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls
are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world
today.
Most of
these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will
go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do
not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume
in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.
This
gives two possibilities:
1. If
Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then
the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If
Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the
temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?
If we
accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It
will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the
fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I
am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of
this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not
accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven,
thereby proving the existence of a Divine Being which explains why, last night,
Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS
STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
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