Can your cat actually speak to you?

It's August, it's the silly season, so I thought I'd buck the trend and concentrate on the questions that really matter. Todays question? Can your cat talk to you? It is a question that has troubled me for nearly 20 years. Let me explain. Back in 1994 I was managing a moderately successful rock and roll band. National tours, TV and Radio appearances was order of the day for the boys. The band were two singles into a 3 single strategy to make their name, prior to the album release. All of the band had quit their jobs to concentrate on their musical careers and they'd had all manner of press coverage etc. They'd had everything apart from financial success. We all believed that was justa round the corner when the singer quit. This was a bolt from the blue for the rest of the band. They were in a state of shock. All of them were living at home apart from the guitarist, who was living in my spare room. He took the situation exceptionally badly. Of all the band, he'd been the most clean living and sensible, but lets say he had a little wobble at this time. He had a little spell where he experimented with a few things he really shouldn't have. He would disappear for days on end and come back and sleep for several days on end. In truth I was a bit worried, but he was an adult and I could understand why he was so upset. One day, I went to bed and he wasn't around. This wasn't unusual. I went up to my room and fell asleep around midnight. At around 5am in the morning I was awoken by my lodger. He'd come in the room and woken me up. He was, shall we say, in a rather confused state and said "There's something really important I have to tell you?" I said "Has someone died?". He replied "No, nothing like that". So I told him to f off and tell me in the morning.

When morning came, his bedroom door was shut. I completely forgot about it for a couple of weeks and he didn't broach the subject. I was at the pub with some of the band and they mentioned that he'd been in a bit of a "heightened state of awareness" and asked if he'd woken me up a couple of weeks before. I said "Oh yes, now I remember, he said there was something important he wanted to tell me".

At this he returned from the bar and I asked.  He got rather embarrassed and the rest of the band started teasing him. He clearly didn't want to tell me, but the rest of the band knew and realised that it was a good chance to embarrass him. I decided to join in and insisted he told me. Eventually the truth came out.

He confided that he'd taken a very strong, mind altering drug much favoured by bands in the 1960's out of curiosity. Upon returning to the house, he'd sat down to collect himself and get his thoughts together. At this, my cat, a short haired British Blue called Norman hopped on his knee. What happened next, may surprise you. Norman started chatting away in purrfect English (pardon the pun) and for about an hour, my guitarist lodger got the cats perspective on life. Apparently he thought I was a nice bloke but a slack cat owner. The other local moggies got better food and more treats.  He also got a full personality run down of all the local moggies and which ones were nice. It seems he really hated the ginger tom up the road, who he thought was a nasty piece of work (perhaps such racist traits are not solely human)They also had nice quiet houses, which cats like. Our place was a mad house. When asked why he didn't take off Norman replied that he was used to it. He also confided that all cats could talk perfect English if they wanted to but it would breach the cat convention if they did. He was only chatting because my housemate was stoned and no one would believe him.

My lodger was so excited to realise all this that he insisted that Norman have a chat with me and assurred him I could keep a secret. Norman warned my lodger  that I'd be cross. When I told him to F off, Norman said "Told you so". What disturbed my lodger most was he'd written it off as a dream until I confirmed he'd woken me up. That really disturbed him.

What was interesting was that when my lodger sobered up he was convinced that Norman could talk. He said it made him feel very uncomfortable. So can moggies talk. I've not really heard of anyone else having similar experiences. I've heard plenty of people claim there cat can talk to them, but not in English. I'd be intrigued to know if anyone else had ever had a similar experience.

So do I believe cats can talk? I've got to confess I'd have to see it and not be under the influence of anything stronger than a cup of tea at the time !