A heartfelt plea to all my readers, friends and family

 Dear friend,

This is a very serious matter. Over the past two years, there has been a huge debate over how we should deal with medical issues. I want you all to read this, as should anything happen to me, I want you to be fully aware of my rights and my wishes.

Should I be taken ill with an emergency issue such as a heart attack or be run over by a car, under no circumstances call 999 and try and get a Doctor or an Ambulance. I have read many articles on Facebook and Youtube and I no longer trust qualified medical experts, doctors and other professionals.

Should this happen, please google David Icke, Piers Corbyn, Right Said Fred and some bloke who runs a PR firm in Essex and watch their latest video on medical matters. I am utterly convinced that this will result in a far higher standard of treatment than all of those people who spent years studying at University and working in hospitals. Why would I trust such people when there are people who have spent literally hundreds of hours watching Youtube videos about medicine on the web?

I have realised that my whole life has been a lie. When I was born, I was six weeks premature and spent the first few weeks of my life in an incubator, requiring three blood transfusions. I now realise that if my Mum had been able to watch a video on Youtube by Piers Corbyn, David Icke, Right Said Fred or the PR bloke from Essex, she could have saved us all a shed load of trouble. I also realise that in 2016, when I had a successful experimental treatment at UCH for Prostate Cancer, I was in fact being injected with nanobots controlled by Bill Gates (or was it Bill Wyman), who now control my bladder functions and make me have to get up six times a night for a pee. 

It is such a shame that my mother was taken in by the medical profession in 1970 when she had a gastrectomy for stomach cancer. All those years of pain and discomfort, when she could have watched a video on Youtube by David Icke, Piers Corbyn, Right Said Fred and the bloke from Essex who runs a PR company.

My whole life has been blighted by qualified people who know what they are doing, persuading me to have all manner of medical procedures, when all I really needed was Facebook and Youtube to get first class medical advice from people who know where all the good videos and facebook posts are. 

I can only wonder whether all of the nanobots implanted in me by Bill Gates are the reason I've been able to write some half decent songs after half a century of trying? It is worrying. Do these contain subliminal messages to get the rest of you to blindly follow Bill Gates (or is it Bill Wyman?). 

Anyway, if I didn't use my blog to warn you, I'd clearly be working for the antichrist and would be on a one way ticket straight to hell.