The Sunday Refection #415 - The hardest thing in the world

I really try my hardest to deal with important things in a calm rational manner. I never send email replies when I am angry. If I get something that is rude or insulting, I give myself a time out. If someone is deliberately trying to push my buttons to rile me, I do not play ball, if I can possibly help it. Generally I either excuse myself, agree with them or if they have said something so unpleasant that I can't, I will say something along the lines that "That's your opinion and you are entitled to it", and leave things there. Of course there are times when something needs to be confronted. If you see someone bullying someone, indulging in racist/sexist behaviour in a way that is causing someone offence, it cannot be let go, however in this episode of this series, I am not discussing these issues. I will return to them in a later one. I am referring to a situation where there is some sort of personal issue and you find yourself getting angry and upset with someone and you feel they are deliberately upsetting you. 

So if  you are in a situation where you've tried to end the conversation but they continue trying to push your buttons. In these scenarios, I just let them have their say and don't respond. Sometimes, they will still push for a response. If they will let not let things go demanding a reply, I will tell them that I need to think about what they've said and I will respond when I have a suitable response as the points they've made are very interesting. 

It is very easy to get cross, start a slanging match and go down in flames. You may feel that you've behaved heroically, but both parties lose when that happens. When you find a situation that is seemingly impossible and the choices are difficult, the first thing is to take a time out. Then collate as much information as possible, so you can get your ducks in line. 

For me, often the most difficult scenarios are ones where someone is right and feels highly upset and expects you to take action on their behalf. This often happens in my blogging life. People will contact me, explain that there is sone terrible injustice going on, then demand I get involved. Often I'll say "Have you contacted the council". Usually the reply is "I think you should, they will take more notice of you". I always say "Actually, they will take more notice of you. I suggest you email them and if the response is unsatisfactory, then forward it to me. You'd be surprised how often people get cross about this response. What they don't realise is that if something is directly affecting you, the council will be far more likely to deal with it, than if an uppity blogger writes an email about an issue on the other side of the Borough, and just says a "read informed me" without a name and address. With regard to the blog, I never get involved until the council has had a chance to recitify an issue. Sadly some people think that "the fact it's gone on for years" is reason enough. However if they've not actually told the council, how will they know?

There are many areas of life where this is true. People see things that are wrong and don't call it out. Then they wonder why nothing ever happens and get cross about it. I realised that the reason I started writing this blog, was because there were plenty of things I was cross about and I was doing nothing. Writing the blog for 16 years and being involved in many campaigns has taught me that a calm rational approach is the best way to approach any difficult subject. At times it is the hardest thing, to bite your tongue and not lash out, but if getting the right result is more important than sharing your feelings of irriattion, it is always the right approach. 

I try and avoid people who make me angry. If I can't, then I try to manage my dealings with them, so they are on my terms and they don't have the opportunity to upset me. It isn't easy, it's the hardest thing in the world sometimes, but ultimately I've found that life is happier when I don't let people rile. Of course, in the short term, I get irritated, but the less you react the better you feel.