Tinnitus and how we all need a quiet place sometimes

 I probably lead the most noisy life of anyone I know. It's a miracle I'm only partially deaf! I live with tinnitus that sort of sounds like a hundred crickets in my head. It can be very irritating. Sometime (like right now) it really annoys me. I don't really know why it is louder in some places and at some times of the day. I seem to notice it less on holiday. I won't say it's not there, but I only care about it and notice it when it annoys me. I don't really know when it started to annoy me, I first noticed it after I had a mastoidectomy in 1988. I didn't really know much about it. A year or so after the operation, the consultant asked me if I 'suffered from tinnitus'. I said "I don't know what tinnitus is, so I can't answer that'. He seemed surprised. He then explained. I told him something that seemed to rather disturb him. I explained how I could hear ultra high frequencies. He told me this was not possible, but I explained to him that I could prove it. I went on to explain that in 1982, I worked for an electronics company assembling bat detectors for Queen Mary College, for a global bat survey. We had to test them using an ultrasonic sound source. This was allegedly at a frequency that humans can't hear. I could and it was incredibly irritating. My boss didn't believe me. He was a scientist who had designed the devices. He conducted a series of tests where he turned it off and on, whilst I looked teh other way. He  was startled to find I was 100% right. 

Another instance of this rather useless superpower presented itself in a rather bizarre fashion. I thought I was unique, but it turned out that there was one other person with this superpower. I only found out by accident. I was having a beer with a mate who lives in West Hampstead and a homeless chap walked past. My friend told me that the owners of Threshers wine shop around the corner had got an injunction against him, as he kept attacking the shop and claiming they were scrambling his brain with a death beam, I was troubled by this. I decided to investigate. I made a special visit to Threshers. As soon as I walked in, I was overcome by a terrible high pitched screech of unbearable proportions. Luckily I had a pair of foam earplugs in my pocket. I work in a studio and I always carry some as if there is a very load metal band in the room, I want to spare my ears. I put them in and went in. The screech was just about bearable. I got a couple of bottles of decent and relatively expensive plonk, then started chatting to the guy in the shop. I asked him about the homeless chap. He explained that he came in a couple of times and started yelling at them, cleaming they had death beams. It had escalated and even though there was an injunction, he still came in occasionally as he was convinced the shop was run by aliens intent on causing him harm. 

I explained that I was a sound engineer and enquired if they know of any ultrasonic sound sources in the shop. To his surprise, he said "only the mouse deterent device". This was an ultraasonic transmitter in the corner. I asked if he'd do me a favour and turn it off for a minute. He agreed, somewhat puzzled. As soon as he turned it off, the whine stopped. I explained. he was sceptical, but I said "I'll look the other way, You can randomly turn it off and on and I'll tell you when". He did just that and was shocked that I could tell hime exactly when he'd done it. I then said "I reckon your homeless guy has a similar issue". A month later, I nipped in. The mouse deterrent was off. The guy told me that they'd decided to leave if off during the day. The homeless guy had come in and was still disturbed, as he couldn't hear the death ray anymore. He immediately concluded they'd got a better one, but was less agitated, so they decided to keep it off when people were around. 

Another annoying symptom for me, was when I worked in offices with old style VDU screens, I could hear the high pitched whine they gave off. Some models were far worse than others. A couple of times, I had to ask to move desks as the problem was so bad. Luckily the company I was working for was OK about it. A couple of years after first raising it with my consultant, I had an annual check up and he asked me if I still had the problem. I explained about the West Hampstead incident. He was incredulous but asked me to come back for some follow up tests. An appointment wasset. I turned up at his office at the appointed time and was greeted by a terrible high pitched whine. I immediately said "You've got a bloody mouse deterrent on, haven't you?". He was incredibly embarrassed and said "Yes". He then told me that what I was hearing was not possible according to the laws of physics, and he had planned to catch me out. I simply said "That went well". He then said that they had an audiology test booked. I asked if this did ultra high sounds that humans couldn't hear. He said "No, we don't test people for what they can't hear, I was hoping to simply give you a test and tell you your hearing was normal". I replied that it clearly wasn't so what was he going to do. He replied "Nothing, but if you hear mouse deterrents you know what they are". I was a bit fed up with him. The next time I saw him, he told me that they had a theory that my fillings were acting as some sort of strange transducing device and what I was hearing was harmonics of the tone (because it is impossible to hear the real tone). 

Anyway. that was about 30 years ago. Over the years the tinnitus has worsened. However I am honestly not sure whether it is real tinnitus or the plethora of electronic gizmo's we walk around with are the cause, thanks to my 'harmonic transducer'. I do know that it is very irritating. I was having a quiet moment today in the Jacuzzi at the Virgin Health club in Mill Hill. I was sitting in the pool, on my own. It was wonderful. It was a proper quiet moment, something I get far too few of. The jets were blasting my back and it was warm and pleasant. Then they stopped. They are on a cycle of being on for five minutes, then off for five minutes. As soon as the jets stopped and the pool was silent. it became incredibly noisy in my head. I realised that the sound of the jets was overpowering the army of crickets in my head. The truth struck me. I can only truly have a quiet moment when it's noisy. 

I know a couple of friends who have tinnitus. I don't know if they can hear mouse deterers (I don't know if I still can TBH). What I do know is the lack of peace and quiet has a terrible effect on their mental health. One friend became suicidal. Apparently this is common and when I first told my consultant about the tinnitus, he gave me an emergency number if it ever became too much. I know another friend who experienced some very dark thoughts, when taking mind altering substances that transformed the noise into the voice of the devil. It made me realise that when people say they are hearing voices in their heads, they may not be imagining it. There may be a medical cause that is transforming the background noises that are part of modern life into something that their brain tries to rationalise by converting it into 'voices'. I genuinely don't know. What I do know is that the bloke who was my consultant doubted me enough to buy a mouse repellant and hide it under his desk to catch me out. And the poor homeless chap in West Hampstead, I often wondered what happened to him and whether anyone realised that he actually had a point?