The Saturday List #461 - My top ten London grassroots venues to perform at

 Next Sunday (17th November) my band, The False Dots will play at The Dublin Castle for the release of our long awaited (45 Years) debut album (please buy a ticket and come down). We chose the Dublin Castle, as we have a residency there and it is our favourite venue to play. We've played there ten times in the last couple of years and it is always a good night. It got me thinking about all of the London venues we've played over the last five decades. We've played some great ones, some awful ones and some truly bizarre ones. It seemed sensible to do a list of my favourites.

1. The Dublin Castle. I've always loved it. What is even better is they seem to like us! Both the management and the punters. It is worth a visit, just to see the memorabilia. We even wrote a song about it and made a video celebrating the venue.

2. Dingwalls. We are talking about the old Dingwalls, not the redeveloped venue (which we've only played upstairs at Lock 17). We played there in February 1984. It was our best ever London gig. The whole place went absolutely mental at our set. It was a buzz playing a venue where I'd seen so many of my hero's play, artists such as Johnny Thunders, David Johansen, Country Joe McDonald, The Vibrators, to name a few. And there we were. After the gig, we were offered a management deal and promised a record deal. What could possibly go wrong. 

Onsatge at Dingwalls

The amazing Venessa Sagoe was our lead singer. She should have been a massive star. We were the middle band in a new band night. We had 30 minutes. Our set was exactly 30 mins and every number was a banger. On my final breath, when my life flashes before my eyes, I hope that is on the showreel!

My best memory of Dingwalls as a punter was seeing Johnny Thunders play. Half way through, he announced. "I need a joint, if you can roll me a joint, I'll give you a bag of coke. My mate Ubungus immediately rolled one and handed it to Johnny. Thunders said "See me after". Ubungus excitedly went to get it at the end and the security guards threw him out.  

3. The Moonlight Club, West Hampstead. When Pete Conway and myself started the band, this was our hangout. We saw bands there such as The Monochrome Set and The Damned. It was the gig we most wanted to do when we started the band. Our first gig there was in March 1983. It wasn't great. The band had returned from a tour of Sweden and we weren't getting on. It was the last gig of our first incarnation. We decided after the gig that we "needed a proper singer". We also parted company with our drummer Mark Barnett after the gig. Our ambition was to 'become a proper band'. In hindsight a terrible mistake. We should have concentrated on being quirky and different, something which had actually worked pretty well most of the time, but we'd not seen it.  We played the Moonlight club a few times. The promoters there liked us. We knew all of the staff and they looked after us. We got paid almost what we get paid now to play. Sadly, musicians are not valued in the world of music.  The club has long gone, which is a massive shame as it was a brilliant venue. It had been Klooks Kleek, a seminal JAzz venue in the 1960's. The Rolling Stones used to hang out at the Railway Pub, which was host of the venue in the 1960's when they were recording at Decca Studios. They were once ambushed by Teddy Boys and fled to the local branch of Dewhursts, apart from Charlie Watts, who stayed, completely unruffled.

4. The Purple Turtle in Camden Town. We played at The Purple Turtle on June 15 2010. It was the first 'proper venue' gig we'd done since 1989. Up until that point, we'd just been playing benefits and local festivals, but when Connie Abbe joined the band, we realised we needed to play the circuit. We supported Jock McDonalds Bollock Brothers. I'd never been before (or since) but it was a wonderful venue and we gave a blistering performance. It was the moment that I realised I missed playing 'proper gigs'.  It was by far our best gig with Connie. A bunch of my IT colleagues came down and were amazed when they saw the band. I think they expected old blokes playing country and western covers! The venue shut a few months after. A real loss. 

5. The Bull Theatre in Barnet. We played there twice in 1985 when Allen Ashley first joined the band. In 2008 we played with a big charity night. For the band, it was a massive date, although we didn't realise it at the time. It was the last ever gig with Paul Hircombe on bass. Paul joined in 1980. He moved to Portsmouth after the gig in 2008, joined a criminal gang, went to prison for a year then died of cancer. Until that point, I couldn't really envisage playing without Paul in the band. Although he'd been away for short spells, throughout, I always thought he'd be a part of it. That gig was notable as the headline act was a pick up band featuring Lee Thompson of Madness and Chris Spedding. The band evolved into what is now The Silencerz. The gig was officially organised by Kate Nash's Dad Steve (who got matched funding from RBS where he worked, meaning we raised £6,000). We also played last year and this year with The Silencerz. I really like playing the venue. It feels like a home fixture. 

6. The Bald Faced Stag in Burnt Oak. This may shock a few local snobs. The False Dots had a residency at The Bald Face Stag in 1983/4 when Venessa Sagoe was in the band. The Stag had the reputation as being the meanest, most dodgy pub in the Borough of Barnet. Out of the blue in 1983, I got a call from the Landlord. He told me that he was planning to transform The Stagg. He was going to be putting on live music and wanted us to be the house band! Even better, he was offering proper money to do it. 

Despite the reputation, we always had an absolute blast at The Stag. Not only that, but we were properly looked after. Sadly, the landlord only lasted around six months. It was fun whilst it lasted. I think we are the only band (apart from No Biscuits who played with us) to do a benefit gig for Greenham Common protests at The Stag. A guy called Tony Byrne made a video of it. If anyone knows Tony and if he still has the video, I'd love to get hold of it.

7. The Fiddlers Elbow, Chalk Farm. We've played the Fiddlers Elbow a couple of times. It is a nice venue and they do their best to look after you and keep music going. We used it as our venue to launch The Save London Music Campaign. We supported Dell Richardson of Osibisa back in 2015. We also played there with Connie Abbe in 2010. The governor is a proper music lover. If we didn't have a Camden residency at The Dublin Castle, we'd deffo have played more gigs there. Seen quite a few great startup bands there.

8. The Midland Arms, Hendon. Lets be clear here. This is not the Midland Hotel, which we played a few times with Allen Ashley between 2010 and 2019. The Midland Arms is now The Claddagh Ring. The Claddagh is a perfectly fine Irish pub, I like the owner Finbar, but back in the 1980's it was a proper music venue. I have a real soft spot for it as it was the first proper venue the band did, with a stage and a proper PA. We supported Way of The West, who had a BBC Radio 1 single of the week, with Don't say it's just for white boys. The music was run by Rob Armstrong, a local music legend. We played a couple of times later in the 1980s, when Neil Cox, formerly of The Mods was singing with us. 

The Claddagh does have band regularly, they are usually in the downstairs area. We have played there a couple of times, but the new layout of the function room is not ideal for proper rock and roll gigs. The downstairs is great for Irish bands and cover bands.

9. Gooners club, The Copper, Tower Bridge Road. We played here a couple of times in 1982/1983. The club was run by an 'impressario' called Jeff Le Marchand, who had designs on managing the band. The governor loved us and would give us free drinks. The pub was also the venue for the Police Five Xmas special with Shaw Taylor. When we played our second gig there, for a laugh we did a country and western rap called The Dukes of Hazard Rap and the punters started line dancing. The governer told us he'd double our money if we did Irish music next time.  Being silly fools we declined. Jeff Le Marchand lost interest in us when he started to manage a band called "The Glass Ties" who featured the son of Bruce Welsh of The Shadows. It was only researching this that I learned that they actually got a deal with EMI records, so I suppose he made the right decision. Sadly, I have only this tiny memento to share. 

10.  And finally.....  Mill Hill Music Complex. Of course I own the studios, so I would say that. We have done some blistering gigs over the years here. Many I didn't record in the list, as I rather snobbishly didn't consider them 'proper gigs'. I do now, people come and have a good time! There are many stories that I could tell, but the one that really is burned in my mind was 20th August 1983. We set up a stage at the end of the yard, had a big PA system and we arranged for a bar and a barbeque. About 150 people turned up. My then girlfriend's sister was going out with a drug dealer from Burnt Oak, who fancied himself as a bit of a chef. He offered to 'cook a stew'. This was served as we started to play and about 30 people had a bowlful, that was delicious. As our set progressed, to our bemusement, the scene in the yard from Shaun of the Dead. It seemed like half of our friends had turned into Zombies. On, a Turkish chap called Genghis fell asleep using the PA Bass bin as pillow. None of us had a scoobie what was going on. More people were arriving. When we came off stage, I went to see my girlfriend but she was throwing up. The next thing, we heard sirens on the M1 motorway at the end of the yard. Someone shouted that my brother Laurie was being detained by Police and they'd shut the motorway. I ran down with a couple of mates, we climbed the bank and there was Laurie, zombified and dribbling in the middle of the M1, with a bunch of angry police. I shouted to the police, thinking on my feet. "Thank God you found him". Laurie was saying "We are going to planet Zob". The copper came over. I said "That's my brother, he's escaped. We've been looking everywhere for him". Given Laurie's demeanour and the fact we were 100% sober, they had no reason to disbelieve us. They threw him over the fence and asked us to make sure he got home safely.  His wife was summoned and that was the end of the evening for him. It transpired that our 'chef' for the evening had put a large amount of opium in the stew, getting the amount wrong and nearly euthanising 30 people. We'd had none of it so were 100% fine. When he'd realised what he'd done, he'd scarpered. I spent the evening making sure my girlfriend didn't choke to death. I hindsight it was a hilarious scene, but at the time it was massively stressful.  These days, our gigs are far more sedate and respectable. I don't condone spiking people. It really could have ended badly. Fortunately, no lasting damage was done, apart from to me girlfriends sisters relationship. I think she realised the fella was a knobhead. 

Quite a few London studios now host gigs, as the number of venues has declined. We are hosting regular evenings, which are bring your own drinks, so young bands can play