What lunatic decided that boozing and smoking in the office was a bad thing!

 My first proper job? I started back in 1983, working for one of the UK's leading software companies. They were called SPL International. The supplied all manner of computer software for the worlds top blue chip companies. The client list includied, the Swiss Bank Corporation, Nedlloyd shipping, Svenska Handlesbanken, Pan Am, Saudi Arabian Airways, The National Commercial Bank of Jeddah and Barclays, to name a few. All of the systems ran on Tandem Computers, who were at the time the leading edge of computer technology, Tandem were a start up firm from Cupertino in California, before being a an IT start up was fashionable. 

How did I end up working for SPL? I left school in 1981 and had spent two years trying to make a living in music, working as a building labourer and painter and decorator to top up my earnings. By Easter 1983, I was in debt and had a girlfriend I wanted to move in with. I needed a proper job, until the band got a deal and we became millionaires (I am still waiting). So I signed up for the government TOPS scheme and did a ten week computer operators course. They then tried to fix me up with a job. I was interviewed by a lovely chap at SPL called Peter Sutherby, who looked and sounded like King George V. I was convinced that I'd blown the interview. I spent 40 minutes talking to him about travelling and 0 minutes talking about my aptitude with computers (probably just as well). To my astonishment, Peter offered me a job, so at the start of October 1983, I walked into SPL International and was sat at a desk with three colleagues called Nick, Kevin and Chris. All three wore glasses and had degrees. My role was to "look after the in house Tandem computer". They were all programmers. At lunchtime, they all announced that they were going for a beer and a curry and asked me if I'd like to join them. I returned, with them at 4pm. We'd sunk two beer with the curry, then gone to the pub for three more. We returned for an hour, then went back to the pub. When I eventually met my girlfriend, at around 9pm, I was a bit worse for wear. She was not happy. 

Like most of the staff in the office, Kevin would smoke at his desk. Nick didn't. As for Chris, he disappeared to Switzerland to do a job the day after and I didn't see him for six months. Our phone extension was no 233. I soon realised that as well as "looking after the Tandem", my job was doing whatever task Peter, the boss, wanted. This included loading in computer paper, feeding the company parrot, getting booze from the wine shop and running dodgy errands. One of  these, to his, and the firms delight, I was that I was able to assist in repatriating funds paid in Naira in Nigeria, from a project with BP, to the UK. I knew a coffee dealer, who could facilitate such things, for a fee. 

The ultimate boss had a company Rolls Royce. It had the reg plate SPL 99. The office, on Windmill St, had a garage in the basement and the Rolls was kept there. After I'd been at the firm three months, my boss entrusted me with the keys to the office. I often had to do work at weekends. My then girlfirend, informed me that one of her fantasies was to make love on the back seat of a Rolls Roycewhen I told her about it. A week later, we'd been at a gig in Town and I suggested we made a detour via the office, as I had the keys to both the Office and the Rolls. When you are young, such things seem a good idea. As we snuck in, I heard noises in the room where we had our desks. A light was on. I thought I'd better check what was going on. Another of the Bosses, a chap called Larry, who had a more than passing resemblance to Polish Union Leader Lech Walensa, was sharing a bottle of whisky with another colleague who was in floods of tears. Both were smoking like chimneys. It was around 11.45pm. Larry invited myself and my girlfriend to join them. It turned out that they'd been in the pub and my colleague had told Larry about the break up of his relationship. He was almost suicidal with grief.  Larry had taken him back to the office for some private personal advice. Larry suggested that my girfriend could also offer some advice. We sat around boozing until 4am, when Larry ordered us a  cab home on the firm. He never asked why we were in the office.

A couple of weeks later, the distraught colleague had a new girlfriend and thanked me for my girlfriends advice, which was to get a new girlfriend and not to be sad. She said "You've got a good job and you are not ugly, most girls would love a bloke like you". Larry always kept a drinks cabinet that was well stocked with various spirits, for just such occasions. To me, he was the perfect boss. He actually cared and was happy to misuse company resources if staff were having a bad time. In return, we were fiercely loyal. Boozing was a massive part of the culture. Tandem Computers also had a boozing culture. They had a tradition that on a Friday afternoon, they'd have a 'beer bust' in all of their offices. Basically the company had a fridge full of beer and staff could help themselves. It set Tandem apart from other, more stuffy companies. Staff from customers were often invited. I knew most of their engineers and spent many a happy Friday boozing at their Buckingham Gate office.

The UK software industry was awash with smoking and drinking in the 1980's. It was also massively innovative and staff were happy. We sometimes worked ridiculously long hours to get projects in, but no one ever seemed to suffer from stress. I am still sort of keep in contact with the guys I shared a desk with. Kevin lives in the states now, so its just an Xmas card. It turned out that Nick, like me loved comics and the Monochrome Set, and we occasionally ping each other. I used to see Chris on the train back from the CIty for many years. We spent far too many hours in the pub together. It turned out Larry was a jazz drummer and I still occasionally see him at Jazz gigs in Watford. As for Peter, he passed away many years ago. His son got in touch after he died, to let me know. To my amazement, he told me that his Dad really admired me.

When I joined, Peter said that I'd probably stay with the firm two years, I should work hard and learn to programme computers and the get a job as an IT contractor. When another firm calle Systems Designers bought SPL, Peter was 'let go'. His replacement was one of those bland sort of people who now run the industry, with no sense of humour and no personality. I hadn't realised how lucky I was. Peter had given me a company credit card. That was rescinded the day he left. Six months later, I was informed I was being 'managed out' as I didn't have a degree. I got a job earning three times more and never looked back. It was for BT. There was no drinking culture and the bosses did not have anything to do with staff. It was horrible but well paid. 

I look back on that evening when Larry invited us to join him and support our colleage, with Scotch and ciggies in the office. I suspect that Larry had an inkling of my plan, but the upshot was that we managed to pull a colleague out of a very dark place indeed. I often wonder what lunatic decided that boozing and smoking in the office was a bad thing. Whether or not it means anyone actually lives longer I don't know, but I do know that it certainly seems like it and life is not so much fun!