The 13th March (two days before our next gig) is the 40th anniversary of when The False Dots played the Hendon Rugby club supporting The Chevrons, a then well regarded local band. It was our fourth gig and it is fair to say it was a difficult night. The headliners were unpleasant towards us. They were older and patronising in their attitudes. When we started to play and get a good reaction, they got their sound man to nobble our sound. Luckily, we had a mate, who was a sound man and a member of the local bike club, who stepped in and normal service was resumed. The promoter, under pressure from the other band, then announced that he was not going to pay us (presumably with them getting all of the cash). As we'd brought most of the audience, this was clearly not a good idea. I informed him that if this happened, there would be a riot. The biker, who was an intimidating presence, had seen the vibe and came over. At this, the promoter handed over the cash.
I was fuming. Paul Hircombe, our bassist suggested we go outside for a smoke to cool down. As I didn't want to watch the band, this was a good idea. They had really got my goat. Paul said "Why don't we go up the Hammers". I agreed. He then said "Before we do, lets trash their van". This also seemed like a good idea. So we did. As I recall, the computer arcade game Defender had just been released and so we decided to go up and spend the evening playing that. The band and about fifteen of our mates came with us. We had got a decent fee, so after paying the other band members, I had a bit of cash in my pocket. It was one of those nights, where there was an elephant in the room. None of us wanted to talk about the gig. We'd played ok and got a decent reception, but they all knew I had the hump and was hot headed at such times. They didn't want me to get any more irritated than I already was. So we talked about everything else.
There was a girl from Orange Hill School, a classmate, who I fancied and who had come with us. I had decided to make a move, but whilst I was at the bar, she'd gone to the little girls room and on the way back, a guy in a suit, maybe 25, started chatting her up. There was no reason why he shouldn't, we were not going out. He was what you may describe as a bit flash. He was also a bit of "W" anchor (IMHO). To my relief, she was not impressed with his chit chat and when I returned to the table, she came back. We started talking, when the guy turned up at our tabl and said to her "Why are you hanging around with this loser, come with me and I'll take you in my BMW down to a brilliant night club in the West End and we'll have a great time".
I am not a violent person, I am not a nasty person. But this was simply rude, unpleasant and boorish. stood up. I am 6'1 and so towered over him. Much as I wanted to thump him, what I really wanted to do was far more cruel. I said "You do realise God gave people like you money, because he short changed you in the looks, wit, intellect and humour department. If she wants to have the worst evening of her life, I don't mind, it's her choice, she can go with you. But what you don't understand is that I've got an electric guitar and I make rock and roll music and all the flashy cars in the world, that I am guessing your rich Daddy bought you, will never make up for the fact that you have no style and are as dull as dishwater and you will never be rock and roll". I looked at the young lady and all my friends. They all burst out laughing and he stormed off. The young lady in question then said to me "What a creep, that was the funniest thing I've ever seen". It was quite cathartic for me. My malice dissipated and the rest of the evening was quite pleasant. Like many such evenings, I can't really recall much of the rest of it and even if I could I wouldn't tell you!
About a week later, I was with Paul in our studio. We'd been listening to some Ska and Reggae. We had a recording session coming up with Ray Randall at his studio in Colindale. Paul was keen to write a Ska/Reggae song for the demo. We got talking about the incident and Paul came up with the lyric "Man in a suit, girl in a car, where you gonna drive to not to far". We started jamming a riff and soon had the basis of a song. We collaborated to finish the lyrics off. It was about young men, who have a few quid and buy a flash suit and car to impress girls. The word Yuppie wasn't invented then, but Thatcher was in power. It foretold what we'd see at the end of the decade.
Like many of our songs, it started with an incident. I am not sure that anyone other than me and Paul really had a clue or cared what it was about. About a week before the demo, a mate of ours, a local Jamaican who dealt a bit of weed was down transacting some business with Paul. He turned up mid rehearsal. Paul was excited by our new reggae song and asked him if we could play it to him. He was a chilled out dude and said yeah. As we bashed it out, his head was nodding, large spliff in mouth and he was clearly enjoying the vibe. At the end, Paul excitedly said "What do you think?". He replied "White boys can't play reggae music. You should call the number False Dub". He then said "It's got a nice groove man, but it isn't reggae music".
I was a bit deflated, but when I discussed it with Paul, he correctly pointed out that Madness were not really reggae but they had done just fine. We are the False Dots and we do False Dub! When we came to record it, we got Paul to sing it. Paul had a great voice, in the slightly whimsical Syd Barratt style. Sadly, the demo wasn't great and the tape sat in a draw for thirty nine and a bit years, never played.
Recently Boz Boorer told me that he had a bloke who could transfer old master tapes to digital. I gave him a stack of tapes and for the first time in a very long time, I heard Paul's voice. He had passed away in 2012, so it was a bit meotional. Out of curiosity, I ran the track through some AI Mastering software at the studio. It sounded amazing. After some discussions with Boz, I am now planning to release a retrospective album of old tracks by The False Dots later in the year, remastered and tarted up. I am not sure if the world is waiting for this, but there are some very decent tunes in there. As to the "Man in a suit", never saw him again....
Although we won't be performing False Dub, we do have a fine selection of Ska/Pop/Punk tunes for your delectation and you can be guaranteed a party.
In fact it will be a very big party, because it is our drummer, Mr Graham James Ramsey's birthday. So we want to make it extra special for him!
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