I had writers block for a while, but a comment from one of my regular contributors, "Pat" cured it - more of that later ! Anyway thanks to Pat, I've reprised an idea I've been working on for a while. Tell me what you think?
We are set in Barneii, a suburb of the great city of Londinium, set on the side of a volcano, in the last decadent days of a failing civilisation. The Borough Council abolished sheltered housing wardens a short while ago and now the chickens are coming home to roost.
Casting
Freerstone Michaels - Council Leader (A Brian Glover type character)
Miss Ermentrude Hilarious - Deputy Leader ( Hyacynth Bucket when happy/ Hilda Odgen when agitated)
Coley Brianman - Mayor who loves wearing the full regalia (A Michael Gambon type character)
Offley Mattford - the former deputy Leader, keen to curry favour with the boss and et his job back (a Baldrick type figure)
Any resemblense to any real person is purely coincidental and purely reflect the type of people who may find themselves involved in local government
Uncle Charlie's Dead
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Scene 1
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Set in Leader's sumptuous office, large plasma telly on desk. FM sit's at desk, CB reclines in armchair, OM stands to attention, towel over arm.
FM: Offley, get me a tea now. I'm thirsty
CB: Tea?? I want my dinner
FM: Dinner Cole, It's only 10 past 10?
CB: I'm hungry !!!!
EH enters the rooms
FM: Ermie, what on earth is the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost
EH: Disaster, disaster, we have a problem
FM: Calm down dear ! Tell your leader all about it
EH: You know those Horrible wardens we abolished. Well one of the Tenants in a flat has had a fall. He lay there for 14 hours before anyone noticed. The warden used to pop in every morning to check. He would have found him and may have saved him.
FM: So what? Offley, I told you to get , me a tea
CB: I want my dinner !
EH: No, you don't understand, the press have got hold of the news, the BBC are on their way over.
FM: Calm down dear, Offley get her a tea !!!!
OM: Yes, boss, shall I get her a biscuit
FM: Just get her a tea. Look it's not a problem. I'll get on telly again and I can tell them how much money we've saved and what a great job I'm doing. Who is this silly old fool who's dead anyway?
EH: His name is Charlie McFarley. Everyone on the estate knows him as Uncle Charlie. He to coaches the local football team. He's a real local hero.
EH: You don't understand. What will happen when the bloggers get hold of it?
CB: Bloggers, Bloggers, Bloggers, Bloggers !!!! (CB starts movin his arm rather rapidly under his robe of office)
FM: Ermy, don't say that word. You know how excited that makes him !
EM: Sorry Boss, I forgot myself. What about Charlie MacFarley, we're doomed !!!
FM: Oh well, look on the bright side, that's one less grant we'll have to pay next year. If they all died it would save us a fortune. We could raise our allowances again
CB: I want my dinner, hungry, hungry, hungry !!!!!
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End scene 1
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Copyright R Tichborne 2009
So what do you think? Ken Loach showed up for the Future Shape rally, maybe he'll make us a You Tube video of it for us. Maybe I'll stage a Barnet's Got Talent show for a casting and we could put it on at the Arts Depot? We could ask Mike Freer, Lynn Hillan, Brian Coleman and Matthew Offord as guests of honour. I'm sure they'd really enjoy it !
Thanks to Pat for his comment about Uncle Charlie's Dead. We wrote that song in 1979. It was about corporate neglect of the elderly. Maybe I'll write an updated version. It is great to hear that some of my ex band members are still angry enough about mistreatment of the elderly to still include it in their set. It is also great to see that it's the one which really moved Pat (Here's the full blog and comments)- It's just sad that 30 years on a song about neglect of the elderly is still relevant and memorable. Here's Pat's comment about the song. :-
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pat said... Best original song they did was "Uncle Charlies Dead". I can't really remember others.
Rog
ReplyDeleteGood fun until you mentioned the odious Ken Loach. This is the man who proclaims to be an opponent of censorship, but last month urged a boycott of the Edinburgh Film Festival because they accepted a £300 grant from the Israeli Embassy which was intended to enable Tali Shalom Ezer, a graduate of Tel Aviv University, to travel to Scotland for a screening of her film ‘Surrogate’. He is nothing more than a sanctimonious hypocrite.
A few points:
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I am not a "He". I forgive you that error.
Secondly, I was rather taken with the shambolic attitude of the Provisional False Dots, and have more info.
"Uncle Charlie died last night,
fell down the stairs 'cause there wasn't a light.
Couldn't pay the bill so they cut him off,
Social Services didn't give a toss!
Now Uncle Charlie's dead!
A banister collided with his head!
He was heard by Uncle fred,
Who heard the bump, upstairs in bed!"
Okay, as a cog in Barnet Council (can't be more precise) I did collate information about bloggers, but all I can judge you on now is the "Provo" version of your band, and one member or ex-member who is a really funny fucker!
If that's your song, then maybe I have you wrong.
Pat,
ReplyDeleteApologies for the involuntary sex change. FYI Uncle Charlies Dead was co-written by myself & Pete Conway. We used to write all of the songs together till he left the band.
The description certainly sounds like him. Last time I saw him, I went on a 72 hour drinking session. When I got home my ex threw an alarm clock at me and I ended up in casualty having 18 stitches in my head. They did it sans anesthetic as I was so drunk. That was 1984.