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| This made me snigger! |
Boris Johnson, Jeremy Corbyn and Jo Swinson are on the way to the TV debate in an Uber and sadly a meteorite falls from the sky, instantly obliterating them and half of Kensington. They make their way to the pearly gates, along with the other poor souls caught in the terrible calamity. As they approach St Peter, Boris strides to the front of the queue. St Peter eyes him up and down and says "Name". Boris, rather indignant at not being recognised says "I'm Boris Johnson, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom". St Peter replies "Matthew 20:16 - Back of the queue". Boris looks nonplussed. St Peter, rather patronisingly states "The First shall be last and the last first".
Jeremy Corbyn and Jo Swinson look at each other, and not wishing to suffer such an indignity, make their way to the back with Boris. After what seems like an age, the queue is processed. Jeremy Corbyn, hoping to make a good impression says "Ladies first". Swinson steps up. St Peter gives her a rather world weary look and says "Name". Swinson nervously replies "Jo Swinson". St Peter replies "And why should I let you in here? It's where the good people go". Swinson replies "Well I tried my hardest to stop him getting elected" pointing at Boris. St Peter, with a rather pained expression says "Well I suppose I can't argue with that, in you go". Next up is Jeremy Corbyn. After St Peter has heard his name, he says "Ok Jeremy, this is a bit complicated, you spent your life and your career stating that the boss was a figment of the imagination, why on earth should I let you in?". Corbyn looks horrified. Gathering his thoughts, he said "We'll I spent 20 years campaigning for the Beirmingham six and The Guildford four, who were good Catholic boys and totally innocent to be freed from prison". St Peter, with a very pained look says "Ok, you can go in to, but for your own sake keep out of the way of the boss". This leaves Boris on his own. St Peter warmly grins and says "Well thats the shmucks out of the way, your welcome to come in, but for special people, we like to give you the choice, before you make your mind up, the fella downstairs has offered you a guided tour to see what you think. Contrary to popular belief, if you like enjoying yourself, it can be a bit of a hoot down there. If you don't like it, then you can come here".
Boris, rather flattered that he is being treated so specially says "Well it can't do any harm to have a look". St Peter ushers him to the Big elevator in the sky and he descends to the dark depths. As he opens the door, he's amazed, there's a sumptuous feast, a whole bevvy of those busty blondes hes so keen on, and even a #Brexit poster. He soon notices a whole bunch of his best friends. The dark lord makes his way over and says "Well Prime Minister, what do you think? Not like the books at all, is it?" Boris is very impressed. The Dark Lord then hands him a piece of paper and says "this is what you get if you choose here, this is the place for people like us". Boris looks at it and it says "Guarantee, Party every night, fine food, the best wines and all the girls you can imagine". Boris says "Yes I think I'll take it". The Devil says "Ok, just nip up and tell Pete and come straight back". So of fgoes Boris in the Elevator. When he gets back, St Peter says "Well what did you think?" Boris said "well thanks for the offer up here, but down there seems far more like my sort of place". St Peter says "Are you sure you don't want to change your mind?". Boris says "No, I like it more there". He descends down and when the doors open, he's greeted with a blast of heat and three monstrous demons grab him and drag him for an eternity of torture. As Boris passes Satan he says "Whats happening, where's the party, where's the blondes?". Satan replies "Oh come on Boris, surely you, better than anyone know the difference between the promises at the pre election rally and what happens when you get the vote".
As Boris is lead away, he asks "Is this it then for ever, tortured by demons". Satan replies, oh no, we're not that cruel, we'll let you out for five minutes when Donald Trump comes down for his tour!
**** Please note that this joke in no way implies that I think any of the said individuals will end in the destination listed. This is a joke! I've no idea where any of them will go.
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