On Friday night, we did a small scale showcase gig to say thank you to our friends for their support. One of the friends we invited was Connie Abbe, who sang with The False Dots 2011/2012. The last gig Connie performed with us was for The Mill Hill Music Festival in 2011, at The Mill Hill Sports Club.
Fortunately footage of this was preseved for posterity. Shortly after the gig, Connie got offered a gig as backing singer for Sudanese Rapper Emmanual Jal on his world tour, and sadly for us departed.
We haven't played with Connie since, as she's been very busy, but when she showed up for the gig, we soon decided that it would be lovely to do a number together. Our friends were given a treat
Music is the one thing in life with no downside. As a musician, playing with talented people such as Connie, and the other members of the False Dots, Fil Ross on bass, Graham Ramsey on drums and Tom Hammond on Trumpet is the most joyful thing in my life outside of my family. When we play as a band, I enter a rather strange mental state, where I am focussed on nothing but making sounds that will make the world a little bit better, for a short period. When people come and see the band, I hope that they leave with their head in a better place than when they came down.
Our ethos as a band is to try and make everyone feel as if they are part of the event. We like to send people home happy. Of course not everyone will like or get our particular brand of music, just as I don't love every artist, but we have always had a bit of a following for our live shows and we always seem to get a great reaction. For many years, I didn't realise how important this was. Recently I was having a chat with a mate who said "Why do you keep on doing gigs, you are never going to be famous, you are far too old?". I was quite taken aback. I glibly replied "Same reason as I still make love to my missus, even though I can't have kids, because it's fun". I didn't give it a second thought at the time as it seemed to answer his question.
When I got home, I thought about it. The last year of the band has been the busiest for gigs since the early 1980's when the band was touring. It is no real coincidence that this has coincided with me having a cancer crisis last year. The band has been busy since lockdown ended. Part of the reason for this was that during lockdown, the son of our drummer took his own life. We saw it as essential to do two things. One was get him out and playing to try and take his mind off the horrible tragedy that had befallen his family. The second was to try and write overtly fun songs, that would make him smile at rehearsals. There has always been an element of humour in the songs of The False Dots, but we went into overdrive. The songs are not comedy songs, but they will make you smile if you get the references or recognise the scenarios we sing about. When lockdown lifted and we started playing to audiences again, we found that the new material was incredibly popular. As I struggled with my health issues, having a band to focus on, gigs to do, songs to write, etc, managed to keep me focussed and positive.
Our first gig following my surgery on the 9th August was on the 15th September at The Dublin Castle. I asked my surgeon if it was OK to do it. He said "Yes, if you are mad". I took that as a yes. In truth I probably wasn't physically ready, but the mental lift, feeling I was still human, vastly outweighed the soreness and tiredness of playing a gig when not physically fit for it.
I've often wondered what I would do if I hadn't started playing in a band. I cannot envisage a different life to the one I've got. I suspect there would have been a lot more drinking, a lot more drugs and a lot more self destructive risk taking. I suspect I'd have passed away long ago, of boredom, if nothing else. You may say "But what about your wife and family?". I met my wife at a False Dots gig in 1985. I owe the band a lot. We all have our different beliefs. I am not a theologian, but I believe that God (or call it the Universe if that works better for you) put us all here for a purpose. I believe that my purpose was to play music in a band called The False Dots. Whilst the band itself has never set the charts alight, if I look at all the great things that have flowed from it, I can see no other logical conclusion. It spawned Mill Hill Music Complex studios, which have helped launch some of the UK's best artists. It gave me a family. It has created a community that is amazing. I've lost count of the number of brilliant bands that have formed under our roof.
My son said to me after the gig on Friday that he was so pleased to have seen Connie play with us, as people had always talked about how great she was, but he'd never seen her with us. It occurred to me that in 40 years time, my kids will look at the clips they took, when we are all gone and be reminded of happy times, just as I look back on videos from the 1980's with my sadly departed parents. You don't have to play music to appreciate it. Think of the dances you've had, the parties you've attended, the songs you've sang at Football, the tunes and hymns played at funerals for loved ones. Music is the soundtrack to all our lives and it is there when the credits roll.
Today is my least favourite day of the year. It is the day after the League football season finishes. The whole thing started for me on August 11th (the day after I was discharged from hospital following a radical prostatectomy). Burnley vs Manchester City saw the start of the season. Manchester City, not unexpectedly, won 3-0. City legend Vincent Kompany had his first game as Burnley manager in the Premiership. He announced that this was the hardest game of the season and things would improve. Sadly for Vinnie they didn't and they were relegated. As with last season, Arsenal emerged as the main challengers. Both teams played some phenominal football, but after the Gunners lost at home to Aston Villa, a City victory seemed inevitable. Perhaps the key end of season moment was the Spurs v City fixture last week. It was a strange event, with Spurs fans wanting City to win, to prevent their local rivals triumphing in the league. A brace from Haaland and an excellent save from sub Keeper Ortega fromn Son saw City come through. The table doesn't lie
The devil is in the detail of the table. The teams won the same number of games, 28, however Arsenal lost two more. Their goal difference was the same, but City scored five more and Arsenal conceded five fewer. In the fnal recogning, in a couple of games, Arsenal let it slip. When they secured a 0-0 at the Etihad, by parking the bus, Arsenal fans took it as a victory. I felt that real Champions don't set up for a draw. City don't. If Arsenal had won, they'd have won the league. If they'd lost, it would have made no difference to the final standings. My view is that you have to try to put your rivals to the sword if you really want to be Champions. When you are in a title race against a team like City, hoping they will slip up and let you in is a very poor strategy.
Fans of many of City's rivals have bemoaned the fact that the club have 'cheated' and 'bought the title'. For me, all of this is simply excuses. All of the issues are pre 2018, hardly relevant to what happened this season. Over the last five years, City have been fifth in the net spending. You may not like the club, but they run a tight ship and in every aspect of the way they conduct their footballing business is an example to other clubs. The Academy is the best in the country, producing the player of the year Phil Foden, as well as Cole Palmer, now at Chelsea and carving out his own story (at a profit of £45 million for City). The transfer policy delivers players that simply fit in with little drama and often at a far lower cost than marque signings at other clubs. The backroom team is second to none (it is no coincidence that Arsenal's manager Arteta was an apprentice of Pep).
As for the rest? Well Arsenal fans are meditating on the might have beens. Liverpool fans are facing a post Klopp world, with trepidation. No one really knows how the new guy will shape up and Klopp had big boots to fill. Aston Villa under Unai Emery had a great season, notwithstanding yesterdays result. They were the surprise package. Man Utd and Chelsea both chronically under achieved given the cost of their respective squads. Chelsea had a strong finish to the season, largely lead by Cole Palmer, and should be feeling positive. United seem to have gone backwards. Spurs flattered to deceive. Ange got them playing good football, but there is a feeling that they fell short of what they should have done.
But now it's all over, bar the FA Cup. It won't start againg until August. We have the Euro's which should be good, but is not the same. It is also my wife's favourite time of the year. We can catch up on all the telly we've missed due to the wall to wall footie.
As a City fan, I celebrated. I am suffering a bit today, but hey ho, it was worth it. I do find the close season dull though.
Being a Mill Hill resident, I was a bit puzzled to see a magazine called local news for Hendon. Mill Hill isn't Hendon, is it? Back in the day when we had proper local papers, we had the Hendon Times and The Mill Hill and Edgware Times.
Opening the magazine, I initially thought it was an Estate agent flogging their wares, when I saw this
On closer examination though, I realised that there wasn't actually any real news from Hendon. There was a lot of guff saying what a marvellous job the current government are doing and a few suggestions that the other lot might do a worse job.
Now I am not going to use this blog to make political points. I am quite sure that everyone who reads it is perfectly capable of making their own minds up. What does mildly irritate me is the blatant attempt to disguise a political pamphlet as a local news magazine. Now I wouldn't mind so much is there was some genuine, proper local news in the magazine. Maybe a list of local dog shows, school fete's, exciting new restaurants opening up?
After scouring the magazine, I eventually found a note saying who the publisher was. I am not a fan of this sort of thing. I am absolutely sure that Ameet Jogia, who the leaflet is promoting is a lovely chap. He is the local Conservative candidate. I am pretty sure he wants to do a marvellous job as MP, if he wins. I'd love to interview him and find out what he really thinks about local issues, because the sad truth here is that, despite a lovely OK! style magazine, I am none the wiser.
So what would I ask Ameet. Here are ten questions that concern me, as a Mill Hill resident.
1. Why does Mill Hill Broadway station still not have proper step free access to platforms 1-3? Technically there is step free access from platform 4, but trains don't usually stop at that platform and the wheelchair entrance is usually locked. A bridge with lifts should have been installed years ago, so people could use the entrance in Bunns Lane Car Park if they have mobility issues. The current MP promised this in 2010 and fourteen years later has not delivered it.
2. What will you do to improve the ambience of Mill Hill Broadway? It is looking tired and there are many closed and derelict looking shops. The current MP promised Mill Hill Residents that he'd deliver a vibrant High Street, where people would "open up businesses like cheese shops". Sadly no cheese shop has been seen and the Broadway has gone to rack and ruin.
3. The M1 dissects Mill Hill. It brings noise and pollution. Most similar motorway in urban areas have proper sound baffling and measures to mitigate fumes. Mill Hill Broadway bus station has one of the worst air quality measurements, having been built under the M1 and having diesel powered buses sitting in it. What will be done to improve it?
4. Last year, I had to have an operation to treat aggressive prostate cancer. I went to see the Royal Free Oncology team to discuss radiotherapy. The procedure, which has seen me free of cancer after nine months, completely continent and with sexual function, was not available on the NHS, I had to go private. What will you do to ensure that the best treatments for men suffering from Prostate cancer and other cancers are available to all, not just people like me, who have workplace insurance?
5. For the last ten years, myself and many others have been campaigning to get the grade II listed building, The Railway Hotel, in Edgware reopened and renovated. It has become an eyesore. What practical measures will you take as MP to stop property developers doing such things?
6. My sister in law works as a teaching assistant at Mill Hill County High School. She was telling me that it is almost impossible for the school to recruit teachers on the low rates of pay that the government policies mean they are able to afford. What will you do to improve teachers pay, to ensure our schools have the best teachers?
7. My Father and my mothers Father were both immigrants, who came to the UK to fight for liberty and justice. Our local immigrant communities including the Indian, Jewish, Italian, Caribbean, African and Eastern European (to name a few) have vastly improved our local community. What will you do to ensure that migrant are not demonised and their contributions are recognised?
8. I run a small business that supports over 25 jobs in Mill Hill. We operate in the music sector, which generates about £5 billion worth of revenue per annum for the UK economy. What support for the sector do you support? Specifically, what will you do to support grassroots music venues in the constituency of Hendon.
9. What will you be doing to clean up our local waterways, such as Folly Brook that are contaminated with raw sewage? Do you support stiff financial penalties for water companies that cause pollution and do you think the government has done enough to regulate sewage discharge by water companies.
10. The local Labour candidate is campaigning to save the Midwife led birthing unit at Edgware Hospital. My son was born there. Such units are very popular and are far cheaper to run than Maternity units and remove the workload of low risk births from hospitals, exposing women to less risk of MRSA etc. What is your view of this closure and why do you think the government is making such false economies?
Twice this week, I've had quite deep conversations with people I don't know that well, where they have admitted to being Roman Catholics and being heavily encumbered with the burden that is Catholic guilt. As I was raised a Roman Catholic, I sympathise. The primary school I went to was constructed along the lines of Gulag, sepcifically designed to brainwash kids. I don't actually think the nuns instilled good Christian ethical morality. Instead they gave us a heay rucksack to carry through life, containing rocks of heavy burden. These rocks are various irrational guilts. Let me give one example. One day, the headmistress Sister Gabrielle told us that we were using too much loopaper to wipe our bums. She said, and I kid you not, that the caretaker would be keeping an eye on us and if he caught us using more than two sheets, we'd be in trouble. She added that Jesus saw everything and even if the caretaker didn't catch us, on judgement day, Jesus would hold us to account. To make matters worse, the loopaper was the horrible, hard Izal paper that was rather poor at doing the job. Now I will add that the caretaker never watched us in the loo. The implication was that he'd be counting the sheets on a daily basis and any kids who were spotted entering and leaving the loo and taking too long were in trouble.
I was so disturbed by this that when I got home, I asked my mum how much loo paper you should use. She replied "As much as you need to make your bottom clean". I then asked if I'd go to hell if I used too much. She told me not to be stupid and that whoever told me that was winding me up. The nuns would tell us of the seven deadly sins and gave examples of them, such as the man who was vain and got his wife to pluck every white hair from his head. One day, he looked in the mirror and to his horror, he was bald. I don't know what they made of grecian 2000 hair dye for men?
The Seven deadly sins were first defined by Pope Gregry the Great. They were sins that were not banned by the Ten Commandments, but would land you in Hell anyway. To my horror, I've come to realised that I am enslaved by all of them to a certain extent. So what are they and why do they cause me such problems.
(1) Pride.
I have to say that I really struggle with this. I've always tried to take pride in everything I do. Last night the False Dots did a gig for our friends at Mill Hill Music Complex. Everyone had a great time, I was proud of of the band and myself. Now I understand that being too proud to ask for help has been the downfall of many when troubles afflict them, but I still struggle to see how this is a sin. Of course there is the sort of proud person, who looks down their nose at everyone they perceive as lesser people and who always want to sit at the top table and show off the fact that they are in some way better than the rest of us. Sadly the celebrity culture of these times seems to be especially fruitful for such behaviour. I've always felt more comfortable standing on the terraces having a beer with the lads, than hobbing with the knobs in the corporate boxes, eating prawn sarnies.
(2) Greed.
Often confused with Gluttony, which is also a sin, in this context, greed refers to wanting more than your share. When you are out with your mates, you are all sharing the bill and splitting it equally. You know this, so you drink Stella Artois, as it is the most expensive pint, knowing that all your mates will be subsidising you. That is the worst type of greed. I was brought up to disavow such behavoiur, but given that I have fourteen guitars, I can't really lecture anyone of having too many of anything.
(3) Lust.
This one nearly did kill me. When I was about eighteen years old, I was cycling home from work along Bunns Lane. Two very attractive young ladies got off the bus. I was totally distracted. I didn't realise that a Triumph Herald convertable in front of me had stopped to let the bus out. I didn't see at all and ended up in the back seat, with a written off bike. Fortunately the bloke driving saw the funny side. The two ladies pointed and laughed. I felt like a complete idiot. I wish that was the only time I'd made a poor decision for such reasons.
(4) Envy.
Keeping up with the Jones's. I think we all do this sometimes. With me, I am not envious of my mates, but if someone I dislike gets something good, it annoys the hell out of me. When I was at Orange Hill School, I distinctly recall someone who I thought was a complete plonker started to go out with someone I really fancied. Not only did it make me cross with myself for not getting in first, every time I saw them holding hands, it made me feel sick. Fortunately she soon saw through him. Sadly though, I couldn't bear the thought of being the second choice to him, so I never did ask her out (I guess that is pride as well).
(5) Gluttony (which is usually understood to include drunkenness).
I'm done up like a kipper for this one. I love my food and I love my drink. I am someone who the term "eat as much as you like buffet" is a challenge. I've lost count of the niumber of times my missus has said "How many beers did you have last night?". I've replied "Only six or seven" to which she's rolled her eyes and called me a greedy guts (that's the polite version).
(6) Anger,
I can joke about the others here. This I can't really. This used to be such a problem for me, that I went for counselling for it when I was about 33 years old. I used to feel consumed by anger all the time. So much so that I felt that if I wasn't angry I'd cease to exist. I was angry about politics, angry about injustice, angry about music and angry about life. When I had counselling, I realised that until my Mum had cancer in 1970, I had a sunny disposition. I think that seeing her in hospital, on drips, hardly able to talk. I've come to realise that I had a dose of PTSD from the experience. On top of that, I am dyslexic and chronically underperformed at school. Teachers would humiliate me. It was horrible. When my wife became pregnant, I realised that I needed to address this. Such demons can never be truly conquered, but you can mitigate the worst of it, which I think I do pretty well most of the time.
(7) Sloth.
Now this is an interesting one. My wife tells me I am the laziest person she knows. This is partially because she equates things such as blogging, playing in a band, going to work at the studio, networking with people to generate business with anything but real work. In fact she generally equates it with lying in bed or sitting in the pub boozing. In her mind, my total lack of interest in housework makes me the worlds worst partner. I don't think I'm lazy and slothful, but she knows me far better than I do, and she totally believes I am a slob,
So am on the express train to Hell? If God is the God that the nuns used to scare us with, I am doomed. I have a slightly different view. I guess I'll only find out when it's too late, but I am glad I've gone through life using as much loo roll as I like.
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The False Dots are playing at The Horn in St Albans on Thursday 30th May
In all of the debate about sex education, and when we should start educating kids, the government is denying kids who are vulnerable and at risk and have no idea that things are not right, the tools to protect themselves. They are vulnerable because they don't know that predatory adults are preying on them. I do wonder what all of these debates and rules really do for people who actually need to have some sort of knowledge at 9. The sad truth is that there are children of 9 and younger who are being sexually abused. In Mill Hill, there is still a resident who was a teacher at a local school, who was jailed for eight years for abusing a girl under 9. She simply didn't have the tools to recognise that what was happening was wrong, because a person in a position of trust took advantage of them.
If you ban discussions about sex before the age of nine, what happens in class when that comes up. I was at RC primary school and we were told about the biology of sex in our final year of primary school. I then went to RC Boys secondary school. Clearly, what is taught should be appropriate for the age of the child, but they need some idea of what happens and what is acceptable and not.
My own formal sex education was woeful. I was pretty clueless until I was around 14. I knew nothing about STD's, contraception etc. My eyes were opened to the failure of the UK in regards to sex education when I was 18 I moved to Stockholm to live with my Swedish girlfriend. In Sweden, children were educated about sex from infant schools. It was taught in a matter of fact way and demystified. As a result she was able to talk sensibly about things in a way most English girls weren't. She was a perfectly normal person in every way.
In the UK we simply can't have a sensible discussion about these things. Knowledge is never a bad thing. Having been treated for prostate cancer last year, I've had lots of conversations with all manner of people about strength of erections etc. This is vital to my health and wellbeing. Had I had a medical condition when I was 13 I'd probably have denied even having erections as I'd be so embarrassed. I thought I was abnormal getting them spontaneously when I was near attractive girls, when they first started aged 10-11. When I first became aware of them and felt really guilty about sexual dreams. I think it's funny now, but from age 11 to 14 ish, I was completely clueless.
I think the first time I really had a clue was when I read a book called The Joy of Sex aged 14. To be honest, I couldn't get my head around half of it, not least because the bloke looked like Bjorn from ABBA, but mostly because it was information overload. Having learned nothing to that point, all of a sudden, everything seemed there in front of me. When I read it, much of what was described made me feel highly uncomfortable. Being from a Roman Catholic background, it also seemed incredibly naughty and I felt guilty reading it. Having said that, it was fascinating and at least I felt I had some idea what it was all about. The most difficult lesson for me to learn was that sexual activity is a very wide spectrum of behaviour. You only should ever indulge in it, when you are comfortable with the company you are in and you should only do things that you are happy to do. That is the most important lesson of all.
The big problem for me is really that I thought I was dysfunctional when I was normal. What would have happened, if I was dysfunctional and was unable to get aroused or get erections? When would I have realised that I had a problem?
Not educating children is not protecting them. It is placing them at risk. Sadly, we have a government that simply doesn't seem to understand this.
If you enjoy reading this blog, could you do something for me. Just have a quick listen to my band, The False Dots, by clicking here. We are playing at The Horn in St Albans on Thursday 30th May. Why not come along and say Hi!
Thursday 30th May, The Horn, St Albans CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS AND TICKETS enter FD24 for a discount!
Bring Bring Bring "'Ello" - "Is that Rog, do the False Dots fancy a gig with......"
These days, it's a Whatsapp or a Facetime, but in the glorious old days, it was the phone. I have a confession to make. In truth, that wasn't usually how the conversation went. When The False Dots started gigging in 1980, we only had landlines and I was hardly ever around. We didn't even have answer machines then. We weren't that posh. You may wonder how we ever got a gig. It was really easy in truth. The False Dots made bunch of cassettes up, handwrote a bunch of letters, then gave them to various gig promoters. I'd put my home phone number on them.
A couple of days later, I got home from the a rehearsal and my mum said "Someone phoned for you". Thinking it was a mate, I asked "Who was it?". She replied "It was a lovely chap called Rob, who wants your band to play a gig for him". As a foolish 18 year old, who pretended I was super cool, I was horrified. The indignity. He'd spoken to my Mum! What on earth had he thought. With a rising sense of panic, that I'd completely blown it, I said to my Mum "What on earth did you say?". Bear in mind, my Mum had been my Dads secretary at their business for 40 years, working in the motor trade, speaking to people all the time, I was amazed to hear what she said.
Her reply "Well he rang and asked for you, so I said you weren't around and what it concerns. He said he's organising some gigs at The Midland Arms in Hendon and would The False Dots be able to play". I was even more worried. I thought "Oh Lord, he's spoken to my mum". I pressed. "What did you say?" She replied "I said that I was your booking secretary and asked what date he wanted the False Dots to play and said we'd check the bands availability and call him back". I stopped panicking. He hadn't realised it was my Mum, thank God. My mum then turned to me and said "Roger, you need to get a diary and leave it by the phone. Put all the gigs in it and any dates when people are on holiday. If there is a gig, I can provisionally confirm it and say that we'll definitely get back with a solid confirmation within 24 hours".
I realised that she was right. I wasn't in. She then said "Right, if I am going to be your booking secretary, you need to pay me". My Mum was always business minded. I said "What do you want?" She replied "Two bottles of Guinness for every gig, paid for out of the bands profits". We both laughed. She then offered to be our manager, but that was a step too far for me. I was a fool, if I'd listened to her, maybe I'd have been on TOTP, like The Polecats, who got their singers Dad, Barry Warman to manage them! But she was brilliant. She actually liked talking to people on the phone and the Dots soon had a whole slate of gigs lined up. I doubt we'd have done any without her, as the phone would never have been answered.
When we played at the Midland Arms in Hendon, Rob Austin, the promoter complemented us on being a very professional organisation. He asked where our "booking secretary with the lovely voice" was. Being a bit more worldly wise now, I suspect that my mum had been a bit flirty to secure us the gig! I said that she couldn't make it and Rob seemed rather disappointed. The gig he gave us was a really good slot, supporting a band called Way of The West, who had Radio 1 single of the week with Don't say it's just for white boys.
With our secret weapon, we embarked on a whole series of gigs between 1981 and 1985. Being business minded, she also managed to secure us decent money for many of them. She insisted I told her how much we were getting paid, so that if someone asked what we wanted, she had an idea. She'd usually secure a good fee. If it was a prestigious venue and they were being stingy, she'd say we'd call back. In 1985, I had a huge row with my parents and the booking service stopped. Strangely enough so did the gigs and the dosh. But during that period, we did some amazing gigs, with great bands. As The False Dots always had a good following, we'd get decent support slots with out of town bands. Our favourite venue was The Moonlight Club in West Hampstead. As I'd seen The Damned's reunion gig there, I thought it was a very special place. Our gigs there were generally fun. One exception was when we supported a band called Tokyo Olympic from Dublin. Billed as the next U2 (incidentally I saw U2 at The Moonlight supporting Modern Jazz, who we used to follow), they attracted a lot of industry interest for the night. Sadly, they were completely obnoxious towards us. They refused us access to our gear, detuned our guitars and tried to sabotage us. This was a big mistake, as nearly all of the audience came to see us. We all left after one song, adjourning next door to the Railway pub. Five minutes later, our bassplayer, Paul Hircombe showed up and announced that the drinks were on him. He'd been in their dressing room, rifled their pockets and nicked all of their drugs and cash. Normally I'd be horrifiend at such larceny, but as they were such arses, it seemed hilarious.
Another main band that were pretty horrible were a covers band we supported at Hendon Rugby club. They were called The Chevrons. When they realised that our band were going down rather well, they went up and told the PA man to turn off our stage monitors and generally bugger up our sound. We immediately twigged, as did a couple of our mates, who were big, burly bikers. They went and told the sound bloke to sort it out. Again the word went around that the band were arses, so they got a very frosty reception. As was his want, Paul sabotaged their van. We'd decided to have a French theme for the gig. We all wore stripey T-shirts and berets and had strings of onions. Paul mashed the onions up and smeared them all over the cab of the van, as well as putting half a pound of sugar in the petrol, ensuring that the van's engine blew up.
Such things were a rarity. Most bands we supported, we got on famously with and had a laugh with. Several of our early gigs were performed with The Vektors from Edgware School. They were a lively bunch of lads and their Dad had a video recorder, there is even a rather cool video of them playing at The Harwood Hall in Mill Hill with us on Youtube. We were promised a band video in return for booking them, but never got it.
One of the more notable bands we played with were Pulp in 1984 at what is now The Water Rats. Sadly, I have no recollection of them or the gig, other than a note in my scrapbook. I am pretty sure they were nice enough as most were and we only remembered the nasty ones.
What is sad is that there is almost no trace anywhere of any of these bands and gigs. These days, bands are able to self publish on Youtube and Spotify, so we can have a listen and remind ourselves. I've started to put together a Spotify playlist of bands who we've shared a bill with. One of my regrets is that I never recorded the other bands in my scrapbook, so many have been lost in the ether. Here are a few of the ones I could find
Since the band started to get active again in the early 2000's, we all have mobile phones. It has made it a lot easier, as have Whatsapp etc. You can check out the other bands before the gig. We've done some amazing gigs, supporting the likes of The Foundations and Punk legends The London Sewage Company and The Bollock Brothers. I'm pleased to say that we still occasionally fall victim to shenanigans. I won't name the poor luvvies here but last year, we played a headline at The Dublin Castle. When we arrived, the a support band were also arriving. All young, trendy, handome chaps, laughing at us old geriatrics. There were a few sniggers and snide comments. Then they heard The False Dots soundcheck. They looked horrified. I suspect they were worried that their mates might think this bunch of codgers may blow them off the stage. I mean we have been doing it a while. When we went to start the first song, I realised all of my effects pedals had been tampered with, my guitar totally detuned, my tuner knobbled. The same for our bassplayer Fil Ross. We always start with a slow reggae number on drums. Graham just played the beat, Fil tuned up, I spoke, reset the pedals and tuned up and we played a stonking set. We'd realised what they did.They looked horrified that we weren't phased. Our revenge was not like Paul Hircombe's. We just played as well as we could. After the show, they couldn't look us in the eye. For me, it was actually the greatest compliment of all.
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The False Dots are playing at The Horn in St Albans on Thursday 30th May
Yesterday must have been a truly miserable day for Man Utd fans. If they lost, well they lost to the team they used to perceive as their biggest title rivals when Sir Alex Ferguson was in his pomp. If they won, they'd more or less hand the title to the old enemy and the noisy neighbours Manchester City. Needless to say they lost. To make matters worse, the roof of their stadium leaked, turning the terraces into something resembling the rivers of Babylon.
The City fans have a chant to wind the reds up
Old Trafford is Falling Down
Ten Hag is a F****ng clown
Glazers there for ten more years
Man City are on the beers!
Watching the game yesterday, that came to mind. It really sums it up. A United Twitter account posted this
Rain didn't flood old Trafford. The Glazers did! #GlazersOut
It makes me wonder whether the Glazers are really City fans, milking every last penny from Utd as they destroy the club. The more I watch the more it seems a plausable theory.
On Thursday I had one of those moments. I'd been to the gym and done my 5km row, my 10km cycle and I was chilling out in the Jacuzzi, which is my little treat to myself, after the session. I'd taken my daughter who was swimming up and down in the pool. I realised that I was feeling happy and that for the first time in a very long time, things seemed to be going pretty well. After last years prostatectomy, my latest PSA test was clear. after thirteen years of having that shadow haning over me, I finally feel as if I can put that behind me. My kids are all Ok. The band is having a really good period at the moment and I am really enjoying things. The business seems to be on an even keel, after nearly being wiped out by covid. What could possibly go wrong?
Well if I've learned one thing over the last decade or so, it's when everything seems to be going swimmingly that fate kicks you in the goolies. I almost think that things are going a bit too well right now. I am enjoying it whilst it is good, but there are so many terrible things going on in the world, that I almost feel guilty for feeling things are good at the moment. I've noticed that so many people seem angry at the moment. It seems that we need almost nothing to set us off. This week, we saw a very right wing Conservative MP join Labour. It seemed to me that everyone was furious. The Tories were, at the betrayal. Now they are all coming out and claiming all manner of bad behaviour on her part. They rather foolishly have failed to realise that this simply makes them look like hypocrites, for going along with it when she was part of the club. Then there are the Labour side, even more furious at their own leaders, for accepting someone who they consider to be beyond the pale. It seems to me that both sides are filled with fools. If the Tories had simply said "Well we always had suspicions she was a wrong'un and Labour are welcome to her" surely that would have been far more sensible. No one would be thinking "What a bunch of hypocrites". As for Labour, even if they hate her, surely far better to say "It's great that she's seen sense at last" than ranting and frothing. She's not standing for election again, so it is a short term thing. If Sir Keir Starmer wants to win the next election, he doesn't have to convince Labour supporters to vote for him. He needs to convince those floating voters who are sick of the Tories but think Labour will be too soft on things like immigration. Having a hardline Tory defect and say Labours plan is better than the Tories is a powerful statement. As for Natalie Elphick herself, there has been a lot of criticism of her for initialy standing by her ex hsuband and not sympathising with the victims. For God's sake, she's a human being and she isn't the first and won't be the last woman to be hoodwinked by a bounder. On a human level, I have a lot of sympathy for her. I don't agree with her politics, but if we were all the same, the world would be a dull place.
The whole thing is an example of how life can deal us a bum hand. Think of Natalie Elphick six years ago. Happily married to an MP, happy in her views as a hardline Tory. Then her world collapsed. Now she's a divorced Labour MP. If you had a Tardis, and went back and told her what the future held, I daresay she'd have thought you were a looney.
All I can really say is that the only thing we have is the enjoyment of the moment. That is what I was saying when I wrote "We all love a party" for The False Dots, our new single. As I sat in the Jacuzzi, the question I asked myself was "Am I lucky?". The answer is "Yes, but tomorrow that could all change in an instant". So I'll cross my finges, say a quick prayer to the good Lord and hope for the best. Have a great Sunday and if you've not already listened to our track, please do
There are key moments in your life that are indelibly burned into your memory. I thought I'd make a list of them for posterity. What are yours. I've put a few notes around them. What are your memories and what are the things you remember?
1. My first day at school. I'd been quite happy until this day arrived. My parents were well known at the school, as my five elder siblings went there. My sister Caroline was in the junior school. It was around Easter 1967. My Mum drove me up and I was greeted by Sister Gabriel, who told me I had big shoes to fill, as my brothers and sisters had done very well. I thought she resembled a Dalek. My sisters had told me that if you were naughty she'd give you the slipper. It's fair to say that she wasn't filled with the milk of human kindness. I was then taken to my classroom, to be taught by Sister Rosalie, who was a young nun, very nice and kind. Dale Malone was assigned as my 'buddy' for want of a better word. He ran through the class. He told me who was toug, who was unpopular and who was smelly. I'll spare their blushes, but I still remember. It wasn't called Reception then. It was called "The Baby Class". My mum had held me back as I had an August birthday. I found everyone had already decided who their mates were. It took a while to fit in. Being the youngest and smallest boy in the school, I soon learned that the world was not the lovely place I thought it was until then. In truth though, the first day and the first year was OK. Sister Rosalie didn't really make us do any work, just sing the Alphabet song and make crocodiles out of cotton reels. It all seemed massive.
2. My first kiss. I was fourteen years old. It changed everything for me. Let's just say I won't forget it ever and leave it there!
3. Seeing The Ramones at The Roundhouse on June 6th 1977. Up until this point, I'd been drifting. In the 33 minutes they were onstage, I found my reason to exist and my purpose in life. I've documented this before a few times. My whole life would be completely different had I not seen them. It also made me realise what the perfect band and the perfect gig should be. There are a few other instances in my life of such great gigs, but that opened my eyes.
4. The death of my Dad in 1987. I was 24 years old. The phone went at around 7.30am. It was my brother. It was completely unexpected. I thought he was invincible. I thought my parents were in Florida, I didn't realise they'd returned unexpectedly as my mothers eldest sister had passed away. My mother was disconsolate. That would have shaken me to the core, but three days later I was awoken seeing an apparition of my father at the bottom of my bed. I was in bed with my girlfriend and completely awake. She was aware of what was happening but chose not to open her eyes. He gave me a seemingly nonsensical message for my mother. I found it difficult to process it. I decided that it would just upset my mother and she may think I was attention seeking. A year later, I mentioned it to one of my sisters. I didn't tell her the message. A few months later, she told my mother. My mother demanded that I tell her the message. I said "Mum, it's just nonsense". She told me, rightly, that it was for her to decided. So i told her. The message was "I am so sorry, I promised I'd never leave you, but I had to go". She immediately burst into floods of tears, told me I was cruel and evil for not telling her before and threw me out of the house. Two weeks later, she invited me around to the house for a drink. I expected to be berated again. I felt awful. When I arrived, she sat me down, gave me a Guinness and told me that she'd spent 18 months hating my father, as he always promised he'd never leave her and they'd see out their days together. She said the message had reconciled her to what happened. She asked why I'd not told her before. I said that I had no idea and thought it was nonsensical. She then told me that she'd been furious with me for not telling her. She'd come to realise though that my Father had chosen me for that reason. She said that if he'd told anyone else, they'd have told her immediately and it would have not sunk in because she was too devastated. My father had realised I'd sit on it until the right time, when she could understand it. You can think what you like about this. For me, it was the moment I realised that there is more to life and death than we currently can comprehend. I've had people tell me it was all in my imagination, believe that if you want.
5. My first visit to Maine Road Manchester to watch Manchester City play Tottenham Hotspur on 7th May 1977. I went with one of my very best mates, Brian, who I was at Finchley Catholic High School with. We were both 14 years old. We took a football special up to Manchester. It was full of Spurs fans, we were greeted at Piccadilly by an angry mob of City fans. I'd kept my City allegiance to myself. Our plan was to stand on the Kippax. A couple of older Spurs fans, realising that in the hooligan atmosphere of the era, we were not safe, took us under their wings, paid for tickets in the more civilised seats. We sat opposite teh Kippax and not only witnessed CIty win 5-0, relegating Spurs, but also the constant fighting between City fans and Spurs fans on the standing terrace opposite. The journey home was very melancholic, with the Spurs fans contemplating a season in division 2. As a result of that journey, I have always had more affinity for Spurs than Arsenal. This cemented my love of football and Manchester City. Again there have been other moment, but that really was special for me.
6. The False Dots first gig on the 13 December 1980 at The Harwood Hall. I've spoken about this before. In just about every way, this was a disaster. Our singer bottled it and didn't show up. Our drummer's snare drum malfunctioned in the third song, requiring a lengthy break. But it was also a triumph and we came off with the feeling we could do anything. I'll always be grateful to Paul Hircombe (RIP), Craig Withecombe and Dav Davies for having the faith to go through with it. There are a few other gigs that I will never forget. Pub Bastun in Aland, Finland, with Vikings dancing on tables in January 1982. Dingwalls in February 1984, The Purple Turtle in Camden in 2010 and our 45th Anniversary gig at The Dublin Castle in March this year were amazing, but none would have happend without this.
7. The first date with my wife. New Years Eve 1985, Desmond Dekker at Dingwalls. I met my wife at a False Dots gig at The Three Hammers in Mill Hill on the 21st December 1985. She was at Manchester University and 19 years old. I was 23 and working at a software company called SPL International, whilst running the band and the studio (on a part time basis). We hit it off immediately. . After the gig, the band went to a warehouse party in Aldgate. Clare and her friends were invited and tagged along. She was back for Xmas and I doubt either of us thought it would be a long term thing. In some ways, I can than Manchester City for our relationship, as I could visit her and see City. But as it was Xmas, she was pretty busy as was I. I suggested that we spend New Years Eve at Dingwalls watching Ska Legend Desmond Dekker. I don't know if she was expecting a quiet, romantic date, but all my mates were there and it was an absolutely riotous night. When the gig finished at 1am in the morning, we emerged. There were no tubes/buses etc. We were stuck in Camden Town. I am nothing if not resourceful. As we stood around trying to figure out how to get home, an old VW Camper van appeared. I flagged it down. It was being driven by an old Aussie. We suggested that if he gave us all a lift to my sister's place in West Hampstead, he could come along, as we were all having a party. He happily agreed, as he wasn't ready for bed. Eleven of us piled in and carried on the party until the early hours. Clare seemed to enjoy it. I think she probably thought life would be like that all the time! Parties and gigs. It pretty much has been!
8. My first day at SPL International. My first ever proper job. I started on the 11th October 1983. A Friday, which seemed strange. I arrived. I'd done a TOPS Computer course and had the role of looking after the in house computer systems, something I had not a clue about. My boss, Peter Sutherby met me. He introduced me to a chap called Neil, who was leaving the company and had done the job previously. He told me that Neil would "show me the ropes". Neil took me to the compute room, said "That's a Tandem NonStop II computer, you are now responsible for it" and buggered off. I sat in a freezing cold room for an hour. Eventually someone came in. It was a chap called Larry Griffiths, who was a manager. Larry said "Are you Roger?". I said yes. He invited me to a meeting. I sat in the meeting, not having a clue what was being discussed. After the meeting, Larry said "Do you like curry?". I said "yes". We went to The Neel Kamal in Percy Street. We had a curry and a couple of pints. Then we went to The White Hart. We had four or five pints. I got back at around 4pm. Neil was waiting and expressed his disgust. He said "I've never known anyone get pissed on their first day". He told me that I'd be seeing Peter Sutherby on Monday morning and I was in big trouble. Larry then came and asked if I fancied another pint. I went back to the White Hart. I got home at around 9pm. My then girlfriend Lorna asked how my day was. I said "It was great, but I'm getting sacked on Monday". She smirked as I told her the sorry tale. On the Monday morning, Peter summoned me. I expected my marching orders. He said "Neil tells me you rather enjoyed your first day?". I just ummed and ahh'd. He said "Larry said you fitted in very well with the team. Neil didn't which is why he's leaving. Some team members were going off to Switzerland for a contract, so we were seeing them off. We wanted you to meet them. The culture here is that we work hard when we have to and enjoy ourself when we can. You will do fine". I did.
9. The Audition for the Heinz Beans commercial in 1967. I was five. My mum had somehow wangled me a child modelling contract with Norrie Carr, a top model agency. I went along for an audition for a role in Heinz baked beans commercial. As always happens, as my surname is Tichborne, I was the last kid in. I listened to all of the others throw tantrums, refusing to eat a plate of cold beans, which was required for the screen test. I had a plan. By the time I came in, the director was at his wits end. He'd seen 20 kids throw wobblers and Mums getting hysterical, as their dreams of cash and stardom evaporate. I knew it was a slam dunk. I sat down, and smiled. The director plonked the cold beans in front of me. I took a big spoonful, guzzled it down and said "MMM, my favourite". The director was astounded. He looked at my mum, then at me and said "Do you really like cold baked beans?". I replied "Of course not, I'm acting". He roared up laughing and that was that. I twigged young, that if you do exactly what the director wants, you do well. The ad is featured in the video below. How could I forget that.
10. Being told I had cancer. It was November 2011. I'd had a PSA test with a raised level. This was followed by a biopsy. I 100% expected it to be nothing. I'd not asked anyone to come with me. When they told me, I was completely stunned. This cast a long shadow, culminating with a radical prostatectomy last year. I'd not recommend getting cancer, but there are good things I take, the biggest being that I have learned to appreciate life. I hope this comes out in this blog.
Anyway, as promised, her is me appearing in the Heinz Beans commercial in the 1960's, backing music by The False Dots! You can see us at the gig below. You can also listen to me on 242radio.com today (11th) at 12noon!
Being born in the 1960's, I grew up with certian major TV events throughout the year. In Sporting terms, we had the Grand National, The Cup final and the Boat Race. All were massive events in our household. At the time, the Cup final was the only match live on telly, so I loved it. I also loved the Grand National, winning ten bob (which my Dad placed) on Red Alligator in 1968. I can't recall why we loved the Boat Race, but we did. Then there were the 'events'. The ones that spring to mind was Miss World and The Eurovision Song contest. Miss World, in hindsight was a rather strange event. Young ladies on a stage in swimming costumes. They'd have a chat with the compare and express their ambitions, have families, save the world, become doctors, sleep with the Rolling Stones (I made the last one up).
And then there was the Eurovision song contest. The whole family would watch togethe rand get terribly excited as the votes rolled in. My mum fancied herself as a great spotter of winners and was usually right. I usually favoured the song that came last, apart from the UK's entry. The first one I remember was when Sandy Shaw won with Puppet on a String in 1967. My sister Catherine was a bit of a fan. We were still in the Black and White era. Two years later, Lulu won, with Boom Bang a Bang. It was an awful song, but hey, it was Lulu and we won, so we loved it anyway. The follwing year, 1970, a new decade and much celebrations at ST Vincents School when Dana won for Ireland. All of my mates from Nationalist backgrounds decided this was a clear demonstration of Irish cultural superiority. In 1974, we had, for the first time, a truly global act launched by Eurovision. ABBA won with Waterloo. I thought ABBA were pretty good. It is a stonking song and the band was fronted by two rather attractive young ladies.
What caused much hilarity with my sisters was that the two blokes looked like the guy on the front cover of "The Joy of Sex" (possibly the first sex manual widely published). I had nicked it and had a look through. I was at Finchley Catholic High School and realised my education had been somewhat lacking. For some reason, there was a myth that the Swedes were highly promiscuous and into all manner of naughtiness. Something I realised was not entirely true when I moved to Sweden to see my girlfriend in 1981.
The thing about Waterloo was that it was the first non Anglo world song on Eurovision that was vaguely listenable. It had never really occurred to me that Johnny Foreigner, as we liked to think of them at the time, could make decent music. Abba dominated the charts for most of the 1970's. The next and final time I watched Eurovision, was for the Brotherhood of Man's win with Save All Your Kisses for Me. It was the worst of the UK's entries that I can recall. In 1977, I discovered Punk Rock and the concept of watching Eurovision seemed completely alien to me. I've not really paid much attention to the whole thing since.
I've never fully understood why the UK didn't put proper bands in. We did try Cliff Richards, with Congratulations in 1968, but he came second. Maybe that scared the likes of The Beatles, Rolling Stones and The Who off. The only time we really tried was with Katrina and The Waves, in 1997, who had previously had a hit in 1995 with Walking on Sunshine. Needless to say, she won. Following Brexit, I started to wonder whether we'd still lose if we resurrected John Lennon and George Harrison and reformed the Beatles to put an entry in. I suspect that if we'd got Paul McCartney to do a song, it would be more Mull of Kintyre/The Frog Chorus than a banger like Jet or Live and Let Die.
Over recent years, The False Dots have considered putting our hat in the ring, for the fun of it. I've come to enjoy doing songs that are a tad more left field than we'd consider in our heyday. I was joking with Fil Ross, our bassplayer, who is Portuguese, that we could do a verse in Portuguese, at least that way we'd get a few votes! Having heard our entries on the radio over the last few years, I think we'd do a decent job. We'd get in a guest singer or two for the gig! There was a time, when even muttering such thoughts would have seen me unceremoniously slung out of the Rock and Roll fraternity, but now we are old and losing our marbles, such things may be joked about. It was suggested that we submit our latest single "We all love a party" as the entry. I am not sure that the Germans and Italians would get the references to the North London party culture of the 1970's though!
Today we see the start of another occasional series of blogs. I'm calling it "The Battle of The Bands". This will be a highly personal and highly opinionated series of blogs, where I look at two bands/artists and their take on the subject, and why I love one and hate the other, whilst looking at some aspects of why.
We start with Alice Cooper's Schools Out vs Pink Floyd's another brick in the wall. Lets start with a look at Pink Floyd. Back in the dying embers of the 1960's, they were my favourite band. I detailed the story back in 2009. I loved the whimsy of See Emily Play and I will forever associate it with my first girlfriend. Nearly everyone I knew dismissed it, stating that the Beatles were far better (they never were). By 1972, I'd almost forgotten Pink Floyd. I wasn't overly interested in music then. Nothing much excited me. ON April 26th, Alice Cooper released Schools Out. Amazing Grace by The Scots Guards was no 1 in the UK. I'd never seen or heard anything like it.
I was at St Vincents at the time. I absolutely hated it. Grown ups would tell me that school is the happiest years of your life. It wasn't it was horrible. Hearing Mr Cooper singing "Schools been blown to pieces" over a vibrant rock backing was perhaps the moment I realised that Rock and Roll was something I needed to explore. There really are no words to sum up how great it was to have an adult elucidating my feelings in a rock band.
"School's Out"
Well, we got no choice All the girls and boys Making all that noise 'Cause they found new toys Well, we can't salute ya Can't find a flag If that don't suit ya That's a drag
School's out for summer School's out forever School's been blown to pieces
No more pencils No more books No more teacher's dirty looks, yeah
Well, we got no class And we got no principles And we got no innocence We can't even think of a word that rhymes
School's out for summer School's out forever My school's been blown to pieces
No more pencils No more books No more teacher's dirty looks Out for summer Out 'til fall We might not come back at all
School's out forever School's out for summer School's out with fever School's out completely
Fast forward to 1979. I'd left St Vincents Primary and Finchley Catholic High School and I was at Orange Hill School. This was actually the happiest part of my education by a long chalk. By now, I was a fully committed music lover, with Punk and the new wave of Ska being my favourite genres. I rarely thought of Pink Floyd or Alice Cooper. Things had moved on. Some of my mates, mostly the cannabis smoking fraternity, had got into Pink Floyd. Not the whimsy of Syd Barratt era, that I so loved. After Barratt left, the band became rather serious. It didn't work for me and I had no interest. But then, Another Brick in the Wall was released. My Floyd loving mates informed me that the lyrics were pretty punk. It had an animated video, something I've always loved.
"Another Brick In The Wall (Part II)"
[Roger Waters & David Gilmour:] We don't need no education We don't need no thought control No dark sarcasm in the classroom Teacher, leave them kids alone
Hey, teacher, leave them kids alone
All in all it's just another brick in the wall All in all you're just another brick in the wall
[Pupils from the Fourth Form Music Class Islington Green School, London:] We don't need no education We don't need no thought control No dark sarcasm in the classroom Teachers, leave them kids alone
Hey, teacher, leave us kids alone
All in all you're just another brick in the wall All in all you're just another brick in the wall
[Roger Waters:] Wrong! Do it again! Wrong! Do it again! If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?! You! Yes, you, behind the bike sheds. Stand still, laddie!
I read about it before I heard it and was actually quite excited. I'd not paid enough attention to realise that Barratt, the genius in the band, had left. From the first few notes, I realised that this was not the Pink Floyd I loved. All it did was take me back to St Vincents and horrible nuns making us miserable.
Music is evocative, and whilst Alice Copper gave us hope, Pink Floyd robbed us of it. Cooper was singing of rebellion, Pink Floyd were singing about the crushing of the human soul.
I think that was the moment I fell out of love with Pink Floyd. To make matters worse, all of my Hippy friends loved the album. I'd be forced to suffer it as they skinned up and bored me about the musical artistry of Roger Waters & co.
What is quite ironic is that after having hated the song for the best part of 45 years, I now sing the melody when I am at Hadley FC, albeit with new words extolling the wonders of the team.
So for me, in the Battle of The Bands #1, it is an emphatic victory for Alice Cooper, albeit with the caveat that I absolve Syd Barratt from all blame.
As an interesting aside, I was chatting to a customer about music and they asked me what I thought of Roger Waters. My flippant response was "The bloke has caused enough pain, I don't want to think about him at all". I was referring to my dislike of his masterpiece and the fact that it still gives me flashbacks to the most miserable period of my life. My customer assumed I was talking about his stance on Palestine and asked if I was a Zionist and stormed off in a huff before I had a chance to respond. It is not the first time my view of Waters has upset someone, but I hadn't realised he'd been canonised and all his prior sins absolved. As I've zero interest in his music, his stance on Palestine had passed my by. All I can really say is that the political views of someone who's music I really don't like will not make me enjoy their work or be interested in what they have to say, so I doubt I'll be researching Roger Waters views too much anytime soon.
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Music is my life. Without my band, The False Dots, my life would have been impossibly dull. Have a listen to our new single/video if you can. It's sort of Ska/Punk, nothing like Alice Cooper or Pink Floyd!
