Last week, The False Dots performed our last gig of the year at The Dublin Castle. We supported The Radical Sance Faction, who were brilliant. When I asked Tony, who does the music at The Dublin Castle for an Xmas show, he said "All of the headline slots have gone". I replied "We don't want a headline, we want a support, as we always have an Xmas gig and it gives us the chance to have a proper chat with the fans after the gig. He then said "How about an 8pm slot with The RDF" which I jumped at.
We have a reasonably small but loyal fan base, who turn out to most gigs. Being able to get around and have a proper chat with all of them was brilliant. The fact they got to see a brilliant band after was a massive bonus. These days, when we play, we simply have a few beers and a bit of a laugh at the venue. It is good fun, but compared to the days of old, it is relatively sedate. When the band started, most of our biggest fans came purely for the aftershow party!
What were these like? Well I've had two major relationships in my life and both started at the aftershow party for the band! In the very early days, the after show party was at "The Cottage". This was the caretakers cottage at Bunns Lane Works. The band would do the gig, then we'd all come back. The Cottage was where Mill Hill Music Complex started. Our first rehearsal was in the kitchen. The cottage was derelict at the time. When we opened the studio, all we did was nail corrugated iron over the windows. We put a few old sofa's in there and a heater. We'd leave the gear permanently set up. It was somewhere that a bunch of reckless teenagers could party until the early hours. Jusr about everything went on. All manner of illicit substances, alcohol, tea, coffee and biscuits were consumed. We'd often go on until the morning, people would fall asleep in their chair and we'd build houses of all manner of things on top of them. We had a card game, called "The barrel of doom", where the loser had to fully immerse themselve in a rainwater barrel that was full of dirty water, at the back of the premises. One of our mates lost five times in a row. The next day, he came down and emptied it, to avoid the possibility of such indignity occurring again. To his horror, there were half a dozen dead rats at the bottom. we found it hilarious.
When my parents went away, I'd move the party to my house, which was warm and comfy. That was where I met my first proper partner. We'd done a gig at The Copper pub on Tower Bridge Road. She'd watched the gig, she'd been invited by our singers sister. She was invited back and we snuck off upstairs to my room. When we finally emerged at about 10am, the party was still in full flow. It seemed normal. When we started going out, the parties seemed to me to become a bit more sedate (relatively) and when we moved in together, they more or less stopped. The band had also evolved and we were getting better and getting a bigger audience. In September 1984, the band line up split up, our relationship broke down and I had serious health issues. I didn't drink at all of six months, following a stomach bleed.
Eventually, I got a completely new line up together. Poet Allen Ashley came in on vocals. Allen was older and more sedate than previous members. He was planning to be a teacher. He wasn't into the debaucher of the Dots of old. After a couple of false starts (excuse the pun), The False Dots got Graham Ramsey in on drums. Graham was very much in the mould of the Dots. He loved a party! When we did our Xmas show at The Three Hammers in 1985, we collaborated with Rob Tasker's band Soldier Bike. It was arranged that we'd all go to a warehouse party in Aldgate for the aftershow. Allen did not join us, but about 30 people jumped in various cars and vans for the fun. Among them, a group of rather pretty girls. We'd met them the week before at The Hammers, when we'd gone for a drink to rustle up fans for the show. We invited them to the party. I took a fancy to one, and 39 years later, we are still together. Of all the after gig parties, that was the wildest. Clare told me that she thought we were really hip and trendy, going to such things! That party was in a huge, derelict warehouse and it was at the start of Rave culture. I was so besotted that I didn't really pay too much attention to it.
The last after gig party I recall of the first iteration of The False Dots was at our final gig in 1990. We'd played at St Josephs College in Mill Hill, for a party attended by the Princess of Tonga! After we finished, we all returned to my house. It was perhaps the strangest after show party of all. My mum came! It was rather sedate compared to parties in the past, but Mum stayed until 1am and drunk a few pints of Guinness. She thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing. The sedate nature of the party, was part of the reason we stopped. I realised we were no longer a full on Rock and Roll band and though it was actually good fun, I rather stupidly felt the band was a bit pointless if we weren't being crazy.
In 2002, we got back to gigging. It was also the year of my 40th Party. We did a benefit gig in April, but I decided to have a birthday party. We set the date for 7th December. I asked all of my friends and all of the family. We got Huw Lloyd-Langton from Hawkwind to jam with us. There was a large empty unit at Bunns Lane Works, which we dressed out as a venue, with a stage, lights etc. It was a brilliant night. Everyone was raving until the early hours. By this time, my Mum had had a stroke, but she came and got into it. We did our set and then parties until the early hours. After we played, all manner of people got up and jammed. I wasn't quite sure whether it was the end or the start of an era. In truth it was both. It was the moment that I realised that I'd been stupid to stop playing with The False Dots and that I'd take the band seriously again. Not as in to get a big record deal, but as something that I could have a lot of fun with, do benefit gigs, write great songs and keep in touch with friends with. As we had small children, big parties until 10am was not feasable. That gig was the last night of real, hard partying after a gig.
Now, the fun is had at the venue. The Dublin Castle is a great venue, as there is a DJ after the bands until 2pm. You can have a drink and a boogie and when you are fed up you can go home! It is truly wonderful. The mad parties after the gigs were brilliant at the time. The band gave me everything that is precious to me through such a party, but I truly hope and pray that I have no need of such a thing in the future. It is odd to think that I've been with Clare 40 years next year. She's a musician as well. She plays in the BBC Elstree Concert Band, who are brilliant. I've always found it odd that such bands don't have wild after parties as we did! Being in a rock and roll band is a brilliant thing. Playing gigs is a wonderful thing, but when there is a great aftershow party it is the best thing of all.
There's only really one way I can end this particular piece! There was a great after show party when we filmed this!
Today, the Barnet Eye got some tragic news. One of our biggest supporters, regular guest bloggers and much loved co-conspirators, Mr John Sullivan has passed awa I am 99% certain that John has contributed more guest blogs than anyone else to the Barnet Eye. By my reckoning, John wrote 20 blogs that I published on the site. He probably wrote another 20 that I couldn't as the passion and anger in his soul was too much and I'd have had a lawsuit on my hands. When I'd tell John that his words were likely to result in a lawsuit, he'd say "You can't be sued for telling the truth". I'd reply you can and it would cost a fortune to defend. Win or lose I couldn't afford to risk my house. He'd be cross with me for a week or two, and when John was cross, you'd know it, then he'd get over it and we'd move on.
If I was Elon Musk and had billions to defend such claims, I suspect John would have written hundreds of blogs for me. He really cared. What inspired him and why was he so angry? His daughter Susan, his "Little Chief" lived with Downs Syndrome. John saw just how badly our system treats people like Susan and he vowed from the moment she was born, to fight for her and give her the best life he possibly could. I had total respect for that. Susan was a peer and friend of my cousin Tessie Fanning, who also lived with Downs Syndrome, so I had a bit of an insight into Johns struggle. He was her Dad and he would do anything to protect her and make her happy.
Susan passed away with Covid during the pandemic. John spent his last years trying to get justice for her. He believed that Susan and her ilk were thrown to the wolves by Boris Johnson's government. The second last time I mentioned John was when he phoned the James O'Brien show on LBC radio and moved James to tears. The last time was when he addressed the COVID inquiry and I wrote a blog detailing it and my thoughts. John posted the following comment, which was the last contribution he made.
John sullivan said...
Thanks Roger for being brave enough to post this blog, which is a tribute to your beloved Tessie, may she rest in peace. Along with a bitter exposure of what happened to far to many disabled people , who during the early days of Covid- 19 made up 60% of the death toll. Susan was denied ITU, and therefore a chance of life, simply because she had Downs Syndrome , and her Medical Notes attest to that fact , as does somewhat reluctantly the Serious Incident Investigation by Barnet General Hospital . What happened to people with Learning Difficulties at the behest of a Prime Minister that refused to prepare or take Covid-19 seriously, was a crime against humanity, that needs to be exposed to ensure it will never happen again. So thank you from the Sullivan family, for helping to expose our horror story in order to protect the human rights of people with Learning Difficulties when the next pandemic comes along. Which it surely will.
If I am honest, I always feel that I massively let John down. There is a bit of me that feels incredibly guilty for not posting his more outspoken blogs. What he was saying needed to be said and now it never will be. I did what I thought was right, but it wasn't enough and when John was naming and shaming the great and good of the Barnet Tory party, calling them corrupt, lying theives and saying they were taking envelopes stuffed with cash, I knew he totally believed what he was saying but also knew their lawyers were watching. I wish I could say I got the balance right, but now I am not so sure.
There were plenty of people who properly let John down. The NHS, in not properly treating his cancer when it was still treatable. Barnet Council with the treatment of Susan and her peers. The legal profession who took his evidence at the COVID inquiry.
By the time I got to know John, he was living under the shadow of cancer. He would have episodes of excruciating agony. On a few occasions, we had a beer before it got too bad and I saw the other side of John. He was a man who loved life, was a real family man and a great singer. He was also isnpirational. With John, we made a version of 16 Tons and what do you get. The video below is a rough version I did that never got shown publicly, but you can get a sense of what a great singer and fun character John was. This was his baby and I was all too delighted to facilitate it.
When it came down to it. John was a decent family man, who fought tooth and nail for what he believed. His love for his wife of 62 years Ida was unquestionable. His kids were the most important thing in his life. He had a great sense of fun.
The London Borough of Barnet has lost a legend and a stoic warrior. I will leave the last word to John. He explains here why he launched a legal challenge against Barnet Council's One Barnet porgramme.
We are reaching that time of year, where we look back on what has happened in the last twelve months.
Before I start, there's something I want to get off my chest. In 1990, the band stopped. I had decided that at the age of 28, I was 'past it' and I was done with music. This was a frustration born of the fact that no one wanted to book a band playing funky, punky ska music. No labels were at all interested in our recordings. I never thought I'd pick up a guitar again. I was done. In around 2000, Fil Ross and Tony Caveye persuaded me to have a jam. I recruited our old bassplayer Paul Hircombe and then decided to record some of the bands old numbers for posterity and our own enjoyment. We then did a gig at The Red Lion in 2002, a benefit for the family of our mate Ernie Ferebee, and I realised how much I loved being in a band.
Fast forward to today. I'm now 62. The band is doing more gigs than ever. We've released videos and an album this year. I have come to realised that I made a massive mistake in 1990. I needed a break from the band then, but it doesn't matter what age you are, if you have a passion for music, you should be making it. If you enjoy it and other people enjoy it, stick at it. In the last three years, I've been taking on the vocal duties. I stopped singing with the band in 1982 as I convinced myself I was no good. I am not a great singer, but what I've learned is I can write songs that suits my delivery. Never let anyone convince you that you are 'not up to it'. Be different and unique and you'll get there. The False Dots will never be up there with The Beatles or The Rolling Stones in terms of sales or recognition, but we plough our own furrow and we have a blast and if you can do that in life, what more do you want really? Anyway enough of that!
I thought I'd start with a little look back at the my year with my band. It has been a brilliant year for us. At the start of the year, I told the boys that my target was to do at least twelve gigs, That was our record number in 1983 ( I actually miscounted, we did 13 that year!). Anyway we smashed it and did fifteen,
The number is the sequence number ( being our first gig in 1980)
104 -3rd February, The Dublin Castle, Camden Town (The False Dots 45th Birthday Party)
105 - 23rd March, The Beehive, Bow ** Without Tom
106 - 13th April, The Bull Theatre, Barnet (supporting The Silencerz)
107 - 26th April, The Dublin Castle, Camden Town (supporting Skaface)
108 - 17th May, Mill Hill Music Complex Studios
109 - 30th May, The Horn of Plenty, St Albans
110 - 16th June, The Dublin Castle, Camden Town.
111 - 22nd June, The Dublin Castle (Charly Records 50th Birthday Party) Without Tom
112 - 29th June East Barnet Festival (main band The Alan Warner Band) with Tom
113 - 6th July, Jesterfest, Fortune Green
114 - 4th September, Mill Hill Music Complex Studios ** Without Tom
115 - 12th October, Mill Hill Complex Studios
116 -17th November, The Dublin Castle (Afternoon gig)- Official Album Launch with The Nice Men and Whelligan
117 - 6th December - London Talent Week - Fabwick (recording live music video)
118 - 13th December - Our big Xmas Gig at The Dublin Castle - Supporting Radical Dance Faction
Quite a decent list there. In April we released our single and video, We all love a party. We filmed it at the studios and had an authentic 1970's party with mushroom vol-au-vonts and cheese and pineapple hedgehogs! Director Max Sarychkin did a wonderful job on the production. It was a blast and was bvery successful, getting nearly 5,000 views this year. It's a new number and it has become a favourite. Everyone joins in the chorus.
The band then set about finalising our album, A finger in the Sun, writing new songs and generally having a lot of fun. Many thanks to Tony Gleed and The Dublin Castle for all the love they've shown us. Giving us six gigs this year has been a real blast. He's been really great, not only giving us great headline shows, but he's put us on with some spiffing main bands, which we've really enjoyed supporting, including Radical Dance Faction, who were amazing and Blackpool skankers Skaface.
We finally decided on releasing the album in November. at the Dublin Castle (where else). It was a brilliant day. The abum has done really well for a band of our level with nearly 2,500 streams so far on Spotify and going up all the time!
The band are really proud of the album. The songs date from our entire history. Not all She Seems was written in 1980, Action Shock 1982, We all love a party in 2023, Long Shot didn't die in 2019 and all of the rest between 2021 and 2022.
We have already started on our new album, provisionally entitled "Groovetown", which will have a few echo's of Northern Soul thrown into the mix. We decided that the 'Finger' album would contain songs written before Tom Hammond, our trumpeter, joined the band. Groovetown will feature songs written with Tom.
As we also love to do, we finished the year with an Xmas show on Friday. We then released our new single, Don't be scared of a finger up the bum. It is a song I wrote to raise prostate cancer awareness. Too many men die of the disease. I deliberately decided to make it as provocative, but also as fun as I could. I realised that the title would mean no airplay, but my hopes were that it would go viral and be picked up in different ways. If I reach one man who gets an early diagnosis through the video, it will be worth it. It might save a life or two. The song is another favourite at gigs.
The only real problem with a year like 2024 for the False Dots is how to follow it in 2025, we have our first gig booked. Our annual birthday show at The Dublin Castle on Feb 16th at 2pm. It's a matinee show, so you can all go home and be fresh as a daisy for Monday morning!
Guess what I had for lunch today? I had a lunchbowl with some leftover mash, some leftover M&S bean salad, some pickled cabbage and a tin of sardines in tomato sauce. I topped it with some chilli sauce. As I was hungry it was pretty tasty! Guess what my missus and all the kids had? Well they went to a posh hotel in Watford called The Grove and had what is marketed as the best buffet in the world. They all stuffed themselves and seemed happy enough. I decided £60 a pop was too expensive and a waste of money. After I dropped them off, I went to the gym and did a workout. As I relaxed after, in the Jacuzzi at Virgin Active in Mill Hill, I realised I was actually a bit hungry and so my mind started to think of the deliights I'd missed. My main problem with the idea of a posh buffet, is that if I have a buffet, I like all the stuff that is not posh. I like pork pies, cocktails sausages, scotch eggs, ham sandwiches with Colemans mustard, cheddar cheese sarnies with Branston pickle, cheese and pineapple on cocktail sticks, prawn and mushroom Vol-Au-Vonts, deep fried breaded scampi and onion rings. There was a time when the Mill Hill Tandoori did an 'eat as much as you like buffet'. It was great, endless Samosa's and Onion Bhajis, Tandoory chicken, and a nice selection of poppadoms, naan's and rotis. There was also an obligatory meat, chicken and veg curry. It was heaven. Sadly, at some point, the owner figured out we were all too greedy and he was losing money as we scoffed far too much. There are a couple of chinese buffets, but I don't like them. Chinese food is not nice if it's not piping hot and it isn't straight out of the oven.
Much to my wife's irritation, I asked if any of the above items were on the list. When I listed them, she just called me an idiot and said of course not. The comment was "Why would anyone want rubbish that you can buy at Iceland?". But the point is that surely a decent chef can make such items far better than Iceland. I went to a very posh restaurant a while back and they starter was a Cordon Bleu Scotch egg. It was probably the best started I've ever had. In life my biggest bugbear is that posh restaurants ruin and bugger everthing up. It's why you can't get malt vinegar for chips or custard with apple pie at them. By all means do all the fancy stuff, but get the basics right first for us plebs. I'd have felt cheated if I'd gone and I'm not just saying that.
Right, must go. I'm off to the pub for a pint and a burger and chips!
I've been sitting on some news for a couple of weeks now. It is good news. I've had my latest PSA test and the level is undetectable. It is now sixteen months since I had my prostate removed, so having crossed everything, I am starting to feel like I can finally relax. Now I've sort of felt like that before only to have a rude awakening, but it is as good as the news can possibly be at this stage, with regards to cancer control.
And then there are the other issues which us men care about. First the bad news, I can't have any more kids. As I wasn't planning on having any, that is not a hardship. Secondly there is the issue of continence. For many men, this is the biggest bug bear. I am very lucky. It hasn't really been an issue since day one, so long as I remember the ten second rule. What is that? Well, when I have a pee and finish, I count to ten and try again and give a little shake. Sometimes there is a nasty dribble left in there, that annoyingly comes down as soon as I tuck in, if I forget. If I do the ten second rule, this completely stops this. If I am in a rush and forget, very occasionally the dribble catches me out. Compared to what many men experience that is really nothing and avoidable. It is only really at the loo at football matches, where there is a big crowd of people waiting and I wanted to get done that I've been caught out. Even then, it is just enough to be annoying, it isn't a massive amount. And finally... The thing that for me was my biggest concern. Sexual function. This has more or less come back. I have a prescription of cialis, but I've been finding I am getting a sexual reaction without them, which is pretty good. There is still work. It isn't perfect, but it is nearly there. If I am honest, many problems are probably caused by my own anxiety around the matter. I find that alcohol is also a problem. When I don't drink, which is normally the case 3-4 days a week, it is fine. Annoyingly, it does mean that those romantic dinners with the missus and a bottle of wine are less romantic than I'd like. It was suggested to me that as a sixty two year old man, that may have been the case anyway by now. I am not convinced.
So to sum up, I guess I am in a good place and I feel that all of my treatment options have worked for me.
However.....
Without wishing to get on to the issue of faith and religion, I believe God put us here for a reason, gave us the tools to do what we have to do in our life and put the obstacles and challenges there to let us show our mettle. I don't really want a philosophical debate about this here and now, but I realised that I have two minor talents, which I can put to good news. I can write a blog that people like reading and I play in a band that people also rather seem to like. I am not Shakespeare or Mick Jagger, but I do OK. So when prostate cancer reared its ugly head, I was determined to use the talent of writing to document the struggle. I recall a journalist called John Diamond, who was Nigella Lawson's husband writing about his struggle with the throat cancer, that ultimately killed him. His words inspired me and when I was diagnosed, I was determined to follow in his footsteps and chronicle my journey.
Over the last four years, my band has really changed our style. With the departure of former singer, Allen Ashley in 2020, I have been able to write far more personal songs than was possible with Allen. This is not a criticism of Allen, who is a brilliant lyricist, but the band has a very different vibe now. It soon became clear to me that I had to write a few songs about my experiences with cancer. My first effort was called Buy me a bottle of jack, which is about the darkest moments I've had on the journey. I had to put it out there, because men don't talk about dark feelings and this ends up tragically. I have come to the conclusion that cancer is much a mental health issue as it is a physical illness. Being told you are mortal, have a disease that will kill you, unless you have some pretty unpleasant things done, and even then it still might, is not conducive to great mental health. I am not sure I succeeded entirely in my mission with the song. Quite a few people have mistakenly thought it is an anthem for Trumpesque redneck pursuits of drinking Jack Daniels and playing with guns. Someone complimented me on my humourous look at redneck culture in the song. It made me decide to rewrite it.
So I decided to write a song that couldn't possibly have its meaning missed. I also wanted it to explicitly address the issue of my situation and prostate cancer. So I started with the title "Don't be scared of a finger up the bum", which refers to rectal prostate examination. I then went through how I was diagnosed, what the doctors said to me about my early diagnosis, the family history, which I was unaware of and finally an invocation to all blokes to get tested and also to talk about these issues.
I realised that the idea of changing the lyrics to Buy me a bottle of Jack wouldn't work, as the whole structure was different. So I played around and came up with a structure I liked. When we started playing it, we played with various tempo's and feels and we hit on one that seemed just right. There is a bit of a nod to 'Jack' in the guitar riff, but it's very different and has become a favourite. So that was the story of the song. As for the video, I decided to film my journey to the hospital for my operation in 2023. When I looked at it, there wasn't enough good footage for a three minute video. I found an animation that showed a what happens with a robot assisted radical prostatectomy. I realised it would be an excellent background to the narration. It all came together really well.
I showed it to a few friends and they agreed it made an excellent video. They suggested I added the narration subtitles. This was done, a few tweaks added. And here we are. We discussed timing. It was agreed we'd do it after the False Dots Xmas party at The Dublin Castle. The two things were totally different so we didn't want to mix up the messaging. Why at Xmas? Well we figured that people see a lot of friends, so what better time to try and get people to start talking about the issues. Normally, when we make a pop video, we want to 'have a hit'. In this case, that isn't the purpose. It is simply to get a few people to watch it. If one bloke gets a check and catches an undetected cancer, it will have done it's job. Anything else is a bonus. So that's the story. Here's the video. I hope you enjoy it. Please share it.
As we approach Xmas, at the penultimate Sunday before Xmas, I am in a bit of a pensive mood this morning. I opened the email from our church, as I do most Sundays. The first thing I check is the funeral notices. I was saddened to see two names of people I know on the list. It made me feel rather sad to read them. One of them, Gary, was the Dad of one of my daughters primary school classmates. He was a cab driver and always kept himself in good shape. His kids are lovely and still friends with my daughter. He's been ill with cancer for several years and sadly, he finally succumbed. For me, to see a man a couple of years younger than me, with a lot of life left in front of him, it seems cruel, tragic and unfair. I feel so sorry for his wife Suzanne, who lost her parents recently as well. Of course her kids will provide some comfort for her, but I cannot imagine how lonely it will be for her, waking up without her life partner.
The other funeral listing was not quite so tragic, but still it was very sad. It was a chap called Brian who was the Dad of one of my best friends when I was at St Vincents. I lost touch with John (his son) after I left FCHS, which he also attended. When I stood for council in 2010, I had the pleasure of knocking on Brians door and having a long chat with him. It was one of the joys of canvassing and would annoy my fellow canvassers intensely, but hey ho, it was a big positive for me. In 2018, when we stood again, I caught up with Brian. Sadly in 2022, when I knocked, I was not greeted by him or his wife, but by a carer. He wasn't in good shape. I don't know the story, but I will pay my respects and hope to say hi to John for the first time in 47 years. When I spoke to Brian in 2010, he told me he'd regularly play golf with John. I lost my Dad in 1987, I never really had much quality time with him. I've made a point of taking my son to Football regularly. We spend invaluable time together and I hope that when I go, that is these things he recalls.
I will be saying a prayer for Brian and Gary's family, hoping they find a bit of solace and that this Christmas is not too difficult a time for them, as we recall good times past.
I have one little request for all of my male readers aged around 50 or above. Although Gary's cancer wasn't prostate, it is the most common cancer killer of men and it is avoidable. Please get a PSA test and get yourself checked. If I hadn't had a PSA test in 2011 and had it detected, it may well have been me on that list, rather than writing about it. I wrote a little song and made a video about my own personal struggle. Have a listen and please share the message.
Now no one loves a bit of nostalgia more than me! Our band has made a career recently of writing songs about the good old days. However, it wasn't all quite so good. I would rather have been born in the early 1960's than any other time, as it meant I was a teenager during the punk/new wave era, but when I look back on it, there was a really dark underbelly and to me, things are infinitely better. Here are ten things I have no nostalgia for at all. Now it would be really easy to list things like Jimmy Saville, the Biafra war and powercuts, but as a kid, none of that really bothered me. These are the things that did. The real word.
1. Casual racism at school. When I was at school, there were very few black people. In our class at Primary school, we had one lad. He was popular and we are still friends, but I can recall many instances of casual racism towards him. Most of these I didn't even realise were racist at the time. I recall him answering a question and a nun saying "Well done, give yourself a banana". Oddly, I recall it for the wrong reasons. I liked banana's and she'd never said that to me and I felt indignant. It is strange how sometimes you remember these things. My son recently did something good, and I randomly said the same thing to him. He said "What do you mean Dad?". It was only then that I realised what had been going on. I don't think I've ever used the phrase before and I won't be using it again. As he also went to St Vincents, he was horrified when I explained. I realised that when you are a kid, your teachers and parents actually program you like a computer and all sorts of odd stuff lurks there.
2. Horrible school dinners. Some things still terrify me. The smell of boiled cabbage and smelly fish is one of them. Most of the time, I liked school dinners at St Vinnies, but some dishes were disgusting. On a Friday, we'd often have boiled cabbage and smelly fish. It was disgusting and the nuns would lame sure we ate every last bit. Being forced to eat stomach churning mush is a strange and difficult form of child abuse.
3. Nuns and teachers clobbering you for minor infractions. At both primary and secondary school, I was always getting clobbered. I was hit on the knuckles by Miss Munich at age six for spelling the word TRAIN incorrectly. I'm dyslexic, although I was only diagnosed when I was thirty three. The teachers were much better at clobbering me than they were at helping me with my learning difficulties. I still have my old schoolbooks as Mum kept them. I've shown them to a couple of teachers, who tell me it is obvious I was dyslexic. They are horrified that I could be clobbered for such things.
4. Violence at Football matches. Yes, I know that this still goes on, but it is not at the level that it was. I well remember the first time I went to Maine Road to watch Man City play Spurs in 1977, with my mate Brian, who was a Spurs fan. The terraces were like a battlefield and the Spurs fans were persued to the station by hundreds of fans. Although I was a City fan, I came up with the Spurs fan. It wasn't pleasant.
5. No central heating. Until Mum and Dad got central heating in 1977, our house was always freezing in winter. Dad was an Aussie from the semi tropical area of Queensland and hated the cold. We had a wood burning stove in the kitchen and he'd load that up and we'd sit in the kitchen just enjoying the warmth. Because electricity was so expensive, we'd only put the heater on in the front room when we were in there. Dad would go mental if we didn't shut doors or turn lights off. He had an eletric blanket to keep him warm in bed. We got hot water bottles that would warm the bed. You'd wake up frozen though.
6. Junior showtime. Now there were many brilliant kids programmes on TV. I especially loved cartoon such as Top Cat, Yogi Bear and The Flintstones. However most British made kids TV was patronising, boring and awful. Worst of all was "Junior Showtime". When I found this clip, I watched it and it is even worse than I remember. It is actually really creepy. I'm not surprised I hated it!
7. Sunday Mass. My parents were staunch Roman Catholics and going to mass was compulsory. The Old Sacred Heart was a cold, damp and grim place. When I was small, all masses were in Latin and I had no clue what it was all about. We'd just get dragged along, have to observe the strange rituals in silence and it seemed to go on for hours. When I was very small, the Priest would say mass with his back to the congregation. I really didn't get it and just assumed I was stupid. Oddly, now I love a Latin mass, I actually prefer it when I don't know what they were talking about. I love the creed and the Lords prayer sung in Latin. Being thick, I only recently realised that "PATER NOSTER, qui es in caelis" actually meant something and wasn't just a lovely sounding chant! In truth, I'd not actually given it much thought.
One of the oddest things I remember is a Nun saying that God only understood prayers in Latin and they didn't count if they were in English, which was why the Church of England was not a proper church. As I said above, you actually get programmed to believe suc things, and I find it hard not to have an aversion to the C of E for that reason. When the Pope commanded that all masses were in English, a lot of nuns must have been very confused indeed.
7. Scratchy clothes. When I was a kid, it seemed that just about every item of clothing my parents bought for me was itchy. I don't really understand why this was. If you moaned, you were simply told that you looked very smart and to shut up. School clothes were the worst. I can remember the first time I got a pair of jeans and they weren't itchy. I felt I'd gone to heaven.
8. Beetles in our bedroom. Something I don't really understand is that as a kid, it seemed that our bedrooms were overrun with beetles, earwigs and daddy longlegs. For some reason we don't seem to have them in the house at all these days. I do wonder whether my eldest brother Laurie would put them in our beds to wind us up?
9. Little Jimmy Osmond. I saw Jimmy Osmond on a TV chat show a few years ago, and he seemed like a really nice bloke and a good laugh. However when he was number one with Long Haired Lover from Liverpool, it was stomach churning. It was beyond belief that anyone could buy such rubbish. Oddly, my female cousins all seemed to love it. God only knows why!
10. Miserable, grumpy neighbours. These days, most people hardly know their neighbours. Back in the day though, us pesky kids would all play in the street and we'd know all of the neighbours. Most were lovely, but some hated us. They'd come out raging at us for making noise, not give us footballs back when they went in their gardens and swearing at us when we bashed into them when we were having go-kart races. We had nick names for the worst such as po face, and witch face (not very original). I never really understood why they moaned when we snuck into their gardens to scrump apples or nick their loganberries. The worst bit of all was when they caught you and came around to your parents to complain. My Dad was pretty hilarious in such circumstances. Being an Aussie, he very much approved of scrumping and annoying neighbours. He'd put on a massive act, saying he'd give us a good clobbering. As soon as they'd gone he'd burst out laughing and say "Oh, you really upset Bumface there. Why did you let him catch you?" My Dad was a firm believer that if you got caught you were a mug. There was one particularly miserable lady, who lived down the road. She had Ginger hair, a ginger cat and a scowl that could freeze the Sahara desert. I did something that really upset her just before Xmas and she moaned at Dad. He instructed me to spend my pocket money on a box of chocolates for her and to write a nice card. He then told me to go around and give it to her. I was terrified. I thought she'd clobber me with her broomstick. I knocked on her door and presented the gift. She looked at them and burst into tears. She said it was the nicest thing anyone had done for years. I was totally shocked. When I went home, Dad asked what happened, I told him. I thought he'd be cross at me for upsetting her. He said "Her husband died and her son was killed in the war. You did a good thing there son". After that, she wasn't as grumpy with me. I'd always give her a Christmas card.
I recalled some of this in the False Dots 2022 video release, Sunday in the 70's
Well regular readers will know that my band, The False Dots are playing at The Dublin Castle, Camden at 8pm tonight. Please come down and support us. We have 20 free tickets for the Hadley FC v Biggleswade FC at Brickfield Lane (opposite the Gate Pub) to dish out to celebrate the world premiere of our new tune Hadley FC We love you!
Other local music this week.
Friday 13th
The Builders Arms 8pm – 11pm - Music with Mick, Cool Hand Ukes
Butchers Arms 9pm – midnight - The Flying Foxes (80s and 90s covers)
Barrington 8.30pm – midnight - Karaoke with Neil
Ye Olde Monk and Holt 8.30pm - midnight - DJ Sadie Disco
