Here we are, two and a half years later and I'm sorry to say that we need bloggers just as much as we ever did. Today we look at a typical example of their complete failure to look after the resources of the Borough properly and how this is having a massive negative effect on our quality of life.
Hold on tight to your dreams.....
So you want a career in the music industry (or one of your offspring does). You want them to have the best advice and you want someone to mentor them. There are two ways to mentor such a person. There are two methods. I don't subscribe to the first, but you can make a mint doing this, if you are well connected and unprincipled.
You charge them a lot of money, draw up a plan with aims and goals and work with them to achieve them. If you are crafty, and they or their parents are wealthy, you get them to work with the best people, play the best places and record at the best studios (mine or Abbey Road, depending on your budget). If it works, you are a genius and you get a handsome cheque. Basically you take the cash to open a few doors that they don't have the key for. If it fails, you just get a fat cheque and you blame everyone else for not pulling their finger out. There is a lot of money advising the untalented offspring of the wealthy on how to get on in music.
Then there is the other way. The way I prefer. You do this if the person is talented, you like them and they don't want to pay you a fortune. What do you do with them? Sit them down and tell them the harsh truth. There are three questions I ask. 1. What do you want out of a career in the music industry? 2. What will you be doing in five years if your career takes off. 3. Do you like Pot noodles.
If you want to know the correct answer, then you'll have to pay me a lot of money, but if the answer is wrong, there is no conversation to be had. The fourth thing I tell them, if they get the answers to the first three right, is to come back when they have three tracks that are absolute killers. The reason? Unless you have an absolute killer track in you, then it doesn't matter how pretty, how versatile a musician you are or how rich Daddy is, you are wasting your time. If there is a killer track, then the next thing is to see it performed live. If you've got a killer track and you can deliver it live, then you are in business.
The most successful person ever to pass through our doors at Mill Hill Music Complex was Amy Winehouse, who started her career rehearsing in our studios. When I saw Amy work, I didn't need to ask the first two questions. It was obvious what she wanted and that she had no plan B. She was up for the rock and roll life of pot noodles at 3AM after a drive from Hull in the rain. We mentored Amy unofficially in her early career as we do many musicians. Not by sitting down and drawing up plans, but by providing an environment where she could do what she needed at that stage in her career. The difference with Amy and most other kids who walk through the door was that it was her asking the questions. She'd walk through reception and stop and say "Who is that your playing?" We'd reply "Joni Mitchell". She'd say "What's the track I'll check that out". Sometimes she'd pick up a guitar when she was waiting, strum a song and say "I don't think it sound right". We'd say something like "Try a passing note of B, when you change chord from C to Am". She do it and say "Yeah that sounds cool". She'd ask about which venues the more established bands were saying had the best buzz. She wanted to get the best musical influences, write the best songs and play the venues with the best vibe. I told her that if she wanted a local gig, it had to be The Torrington and if she was looking for a gig in town, it had to be The Dublin Castle in Camden to start. She listened. She played both. She wanted to be a step ahead of the game and she got that it isn't just about play songs and doing gigs, you play the best songs you can and you do the gigs at the venues that will be best for you. I wasn't unique, she asked anyone if she thought they may have an insight. She was also pretty humble with it and would chat about the why's and wherefores.
The truth about the music industry is that if you want to succeed, you need to know your own mind. You need to have a clear idea of where you want to play and why. You need to play songs that you think are amazing. You need to play gigs with an audience that you know will connect with them. You want the audience to go home and tell all there mates you were amazing and to bring them back next time. So many artists miss this all. They think that something will magically happen and all of a sudden you'll be the next Lady Gaga or Rolling Stones. I hear lots of musicians of my age sneer at both. The thing is that the likes of Gaga and The Stones do what Amy did before she'd even started gigging. They get the best out of their talents, they put the best shows on in the right venues and they play to an audience that will like them. It doesn't matter what level you are at, this is the secret.
Which brings me on to your dreams. We have two main groups of customers. The up and coming ones who are full of dreams and old crusty ones like me, trying to glue back together a few fragments of our dreams to have a bit of fun with, before the grim reaper carts us off to Hades. This Sunday, my band launch our debut album after 45 years. We will be launching it at The Dublin Castle, far and away my favourite grassroots venue in London. A loyal bunch of friends and fans will turn up for the show. For me, it is an important statement. Not just for me, but for every old geezer like me, who's ever looked up at the stars and had a dream. Back in 1990, I put my guitar down for a decade and vowed that "I was done with all of that". I'd had ten years of broken dreams and I just ran out of energy. We got the band back together in 2000, but it was just for fun. Having my own recording studio, inspired me to "record a few numbers, for my own enjoyment". A few gigs followed. In 2009, an amazing female vocalist turned up at the studio and we roped her in for a year or two. From playing The Three Hammers and The Mill Hill Sports club, we found ourselves back onstage in Camden and getting some serious interest (in her not the band). She got a gig as a backing singer with an international star and we went back to the Mill Hill Sports club!
But it gave me a real taste. We started working on an album, with a singer we worked with in 1985. Some of the songs were good, we were enjoying it, but we weren't setting the world alight and I wasn't 100% happy with the songs. Then lockdown hit. Our singer departed, our drummer had a massive crisis when his son took his own life and we had a new mission. The band became his support mechanism, to get him through lockdown. How? I set myself a task to write songs that made him smile and laugh. Niot cheesy joke/comedy songs, but Ian Duryesque observations on life. I took up singing duties that I'd put down 40 years before.
And then something odd happened. It all fell into place. To my amazement, the energy we'd had in 1983/4 had returned. An added bonus was that the songs were really hitting the spot. We made a video of The Burnt Oak Boogie and within a week, it had 3,000 views. We did a gig at The Adam and Eve and people loved it. Then we did a gig at The Dublin Castle, just for fun as I fancied it, and it was brilliant. A residency followed and Sunday will be our tenth gig in two years at London's best venue. The final piece in the jigsaw was when trumpet player Tom Hammond joined. Tom was born the year Graham our drummer joined, but it feels like he's been here for ever now.
We recorded most of the album at my mate Boz Boorer's studio in Portugal. It was a good excuse for a few days in the Sun with the boys. And now, to my amazement my dream is materialising. Each of the songs is a story.
One of the traditions of The Barnet Eye blog is our Remembrance Sunday feature. To me, it is important. I always have a quick look at a few of the older editions before I write it, it helps give me some perspective. It is quite an interesting exercise to see how our moods and views change. I also do this as it is important to me and I want something that is not just "How I feel right now". The world is standing at a crossroads. When I read this blog as I prepare next year, we'll have had eleven months of Donald Trump's second term. He'll be nearly a quarter of the way through his term. I was asked if there was anything positive to be had from Trump's re-election. My answer? He didn't start any wars in his first term. If he doesn't start any in his second, then maybe he will go down as a good president. Since he departed, we've seen the Ukraine war and the most awful situation in the middle east develop. Hundreds of thousands of women are mourning dead sons and daughters in countries such as Ukraine, Russia, Israel, Gaza, Lebanon, etc. Remembrance for them is a very raw subject. Trump has vowed to solve all of these crises. For the sake of humanity, I hope he does, but the resolution has to be just and fair. As I always do, I think of my Dad, a WW2 bomber pilot. He always insisted that the main purpose of Remembrance Sunday was to make sure we never forget the horrors of war. He once said "I'd happily forget the whole bloody thing tomorrow, if the world changed and we abolished wars". He didn't mean he'd forget the men who were his friends who died. We were watching a TV series about the war at the time, put together for Remembrance Sunday. He was a bit peeved that it was just a tad too jingoistic for his tastes. A pet dislike of my Dad was the 'Top Brass'. The Generals who directed the campaigns. I once asked him which WW2 general he admired the most. To my amazement, he said Erwin Rommel. I asked why. He said "He was just about the only general who actually cared about the blokes fighting for him". He lent me a book about Rommels life.
When I read it as a teenager, I didn't really get it. I found the book during lockdown and re-read it. Although no one can excuse Rommel's membership of The Nazi Party, as a general and a military man, he was exceptional. He also came to realise that Hitler was a lunatic and would destroy Germany and he paid for this with his life. The key turning point was when Adolf Hitler ordered him to not concede and inch to the allies and to fight to the last man. The scales fell from Rommel's eyes and he realised exactly what Hitler really was. He ignored the orders, masterminding a brilliant tactical retreat and saving as many of his army as he could. Contrast that with General Paulus in Stalingrad, who obeyed such orders, resulting in the total destruction of his army and hastening the end of the war. My father was of the view that the "Top Brass" in the RAF didn't have the same concern for the bomber crews they commanded. Crews were sacrificed in far too many futile missions with little military value. I asked if he ever took part in such a mission. He said that as his squadron was operating obsolete Wellington Bombers from Italy, his targets were almost all tactical in support of military operations or sound strategic targets such as oil fields. I think he always felt that the RAF should have been spending more time bombing military targets and less time carpet bombing civilians. Sadly he's not here to really give us the full perspective.
I asked him once about whether he thought the carpet bombing could be justified. His reply was that when you are dealing with someone like Adolf Hitler, anything and everything was justified. I asked if it was the most effective use of the RAF and he was less certain. He said "All bomber crews preferred bombing weapons factories, armies, airfields, bridges, railways and oil fields than civilians and there were plenty we didn't hit". I also asked if I thought any good came from the carpet bombing. He said "It made Germany realise that starting wars is a bad thing".
I was 24 when my Dad passed away. If I could change anything in my life, I'd have had him survive long enough to get all of this down properly in this blog. As it was, I wasn't interested in his war service at the time he passed away. I was more interested in music. I didn't properly value the wealth of experience he had. I was just a young man, who had a very different life experience to him. I respected him and his efforts, but it wasn't something I had any interest in exploring. Now it fascinates me. What was ironic in the extreme was that when I'd started playing music, my Dad was not in the least interested. In the last year of his life, he started to take an interest. He came to see us at The Grahame Park festival, which was a big open air gig. He was actually quite impressed. He said it reminded him a little bit of when bands and artists would come over and perform for the troops. He liked the fact that everyone was having a good time. He complemented me on the way I dealt with some young scalliwags, who'd been giving some of the other bands a hard time. I told them that hooligans like them were always welcome at False Dots gigs and complemented them on their demented dancing. You may wonder what this has to do with Remembrance Sunday? Well things have come full circle. Today, Dad would have been most proud. He was a member of the Mill Hill Services Club, a club I've now been a member of for a fair few years. Every year, the club has a Remembrance Service for fallen members, relatives and friends. This year, I was proud to enlist the trumpet player from my band, to play the last post. Tom Hammond gave an impeccable rendition. We then had a pint and a couple of games of pool. Dad would have approved. We live in uncertain times, but one lesson Dad always impressed was make the best of it and try and have fun, even in adversity.
Here is the service #WeWillRemember
Next Sunday (17th November) my band, The False Dots will play at The Dublin Castle for the release of our long awaited (45 Years) debut album (please buy a ticket and come down). We chose the Dublin Castle, as we have a residency there and it is our favourite venue to play. We've played there ten times in the last couple of years and it is always a good night. It got me thinking about all of the London venues we've played over the last five decades. We've played some great ones, some awful ones and some truly bizarre ones. It seemed sensible to do a list of my favourites.
1. The Dublin Castle. I've always loved it. What is even better is they seem to like us! Both the management and the punters. It is worth a visit, just to see the memorabilia. We even wrote a song about it and made a video celebrating the venue.
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| Onsatge at Dingwalls |
The amazing Venessa Sagoe was our lead singer. She should have been a massive star. We were the middle band in a new band night. We had 30 minutes. Our set was exactly 30 mins and every number was a banger. On my final breath, when my life flashes before my eyes, I hope that is on the showreel!
My best memory of Dingwalls as a punter was seeing Johnny Thunders play. Half way through, he announced. "I need a joint, if you can roll me a joint, I'll give you a bag of coke. My mate Ubungus immediately rolled one and handed it to Johnny. Thunders said "See me after". Ubungus excitedly went to get it at the end and the security guards threw him out.
4. The Purple Turtle in Camden Town. We played at The Purple Turtle on June 15 2010. It was the first 'proper venue' gig we'd done since 1989. Up until that point, we'd just been playing benefits and local festivals, but when Connie Abbe joined the band, we realised we needed to play the circuit. We supported Jock McDonalds Bollock Brothers. I'd never been before (or since) but it was a wonderful venue and we gave a blistering performance. It was the moment that I realised I missed playing 'proper gigs'. It was by far our best gig with Connie. A bunch of my IT colleagues came down and were amazed when they saw the band. I think they expected old blokes playing country and western covers! The venue shut a few months after. A real loss.
5. The Bull Theatre in Barnet. We played there twice in 1985 when Allen Ashley first joined the band. In 2008 we played with a big charity night. For the band, it was a massive date, although we didn't realise it at the time. It was the last ever gig with Paul Hircombe on bass. Paul joined in 1980. He moved to Portsmouth after the gig in 2008, joined a criminal gang, went to prison for a year then died of cancer. Until that point, I couldn't really envisage playing without Paul in the band. Although he'd been away for short spells, throughout, I always thought he'd be a part of it. That gig was notable as the headline act was a pick up band featuring Lee Thompson of Madness and Chris Spedding. The band evolved into what is now The Silencerz. The gig was officially organised by Kate Nash's Dad Steve (who got matched funding from RBS where he worked, meaning we raised £6,000). We also played last year and this year with The Silencerz. I really like playing the venue. It feels like a home fixture.
6. The Bald Faced Stag in Burnt Oak. This may shock a few local snobs. The False Dots had a residency at The Bald Face Stag in 1983/4 when Venessa Sagoe was in the band. The Stag had the reputation as being the meanest, most dodgy pub in the Borough of Barnet. Out of the blue in 1983, I got a call from the Landlord. He told me that he was planning to transform The Stagg. He was going to be putting on live music and wanted us to be the house band! Even better, he was offering proper money to do it.
Despite the reputation, we always had an absolute blast at The Stag. Not only that, but we were properly looked after. Sadly, the landlord only lasted around six months. It was fun whilst it lasted. I think we are the only band (apart from No Biscuits who played with us) to do a benefit gig for Greenham Common protests at The Stag. A guy called Tony Byrne made a video of it. If anyone knows Tony and if he still has the video, I'd love to get hold of it.
7. The Fiddlers Elbow, Chalk Farm. We've played the Fiddlers Elbow a couple of times. It is a nice venue and they do their best to look after you and keep music going. We used it as our venue to launch The Save London Music Campaign. We supported Dell Richardson of Osibisa back in 2015. We also played there with Connie Abbe in 2010. The governor is a proper music lover. If we didn't have a Camden residency at The Dublin Castle, we'd deffo have played more gigs there. Seen quite a few great startup bands there.
The Claddagh does have band regularly, they are usually in the downstairs area. We have played there a couple of times, but the new layout of the function room is not ideal for proper rock and roll gigs. The downstairs is great for Irish bands and cover bands.
10. And finally..... Mill Hill Music Complex. Of course I own the studios, so I would say that. We have done some blistering gigs over the years here. Many I didn't record in the list, as I rather snobbishly didn't consider them 'proper gigs'. I do now, people come and have a good time! There are many stories that I could tell, but the one that really is burned in my mind was 20th August 1983. We set up a stage at the end of the yard, had a big PA system and we arranged for a bar and a barbeque. About 150 people turned up. My then girlfriend's sister was going out with a drug dealer from Burnt Oak, who fancied himself as a bit of a chef. He offered to 'cook a stew'. This was served as we started to play and about 30 people had a bowlful, that was delicious. As our set progressed, to our bemusement, the scene in the yard from Shaun of the Dead. It seemed like half of our friends had turned into Zombies. On, a Turkish chap called Genghis fell asleep using the PA Bass bin as pillow. None of us had a scoobie what was going on. More people were arriving. When we came off stage, I went to see my girlfriend but she was throwing up. The next thing, we heard sirens on the M1 motorway at the end of the yard. Someone shouted that my brother Laurie was being detained by Police and they'd shut the motorway. I ran down with a couple of mates, we climbed the bank and there was Laurie, zombified and dribbling in the middle of the M1, with a bunch of angry police. I shouted to the police, thinking on my feet. "Thank God you found him". Laurie was saying "We are going to planet Zob". The copper came over. I said "That's my brother, he's escaped. We've been looking everywhere for him". Given Laurie's demeanour and the fact we were 100% sober, they had no reason to disbelieve us. They threw him over the fence and asked us to make sure he got home safely. His wife was summoned and that was the end of the evening for him. It transpired that our 'chef' for the evening had put a large amount of opium in the stew, getting the amount wrong and nearly euthanising 30 people. We'd had none of it so were 100% fine. When he'd realised what he'd done, he'd scarpered. I spent the evening making sure my girlfriend didn't choke to death. I hindsight it was a hilarious scene, but at the time it was massively stressful. These days, our gigs are far more sedate and respectable. I don't condone spiking people. It really could have ended badly. Fortunately, no lasting damage was done, apart from to me girlfriends sisters relationship. I think she realised the fella was a knobhead.
Quite a few London studios now host gigs, as the number of venues has declined. We are hosting regular evenings, which are bring your own drinks, so young bands can play
I think we need a bit of a smile and some cheering up. I certainly do. So we'll start with a joke from the rather wonderful Mr Robert Wilkinson. His Dad joke books make a great present for the man with everything!
Turns out that the bloke in the park was tying his shoelaces and didn't want to play leap frog.
— Robert Wilkinson (@robertwlk) November 6, 2024
My bad.
I have a true story for you. It put a smile on my face. Apologies if it offends you, but I hope you see the funny side. I was having a drink with a couple of friends, who shared a grandfather a couple of weeks ago at The Mill Hill Services Club. They were researching a book they are writing about their grandad. He lead a colourful life, was in the army, ran a business in Mill Hill and was a widely travelled man. His beloved wife of 35 years passed away in the mid 1970's. He spent a couple of years moping around, seemingly nothing could lift him from his sad malaise. His best friend, tried to get him out and about, but to no avail. Eventually he said "You've got all that cash in the bank, why don't you spend some of it. Why don't we go off on a proper holiday". He replied "Well I'd always dreamed of going to Bermuda", so they booked up a three week, all in luxury holiday. After a couple of days, my friends Granddad was just moping about. Nothing could lift his mood. His friend said "What's up, surely there's something that will cheer you up". He replied "I'd always dreamed of coming here with my wife. I miss her, I've not made love to a woman since she became ill. I just can't see any reason to enjoy myself". His friend had a chat with the barman. The barman replied "We get a lot of men like him here, there's a really good brothel down the road, high class, nice girls, take him there. That'll cheer him up". He persuaded my friends Grandad. He was a bit reluctant, but when he saw the lovely girls available, he cheered up and made his way to the room with one. Half an hour later, he they started to return to the hotel, half way back, he realised he'd dropped his hearing aid. They had to sheepishly make their way back. The Madame met them and said "No problem, she's not started with her next customer yet". She took them to the room, the young lady was just about to start with her next customer. Shamefacedly, they knocked. The girl, the madame, the next customer and the two chaps started a search, like a scene from a bad Carry on Film. Eventually, the girl found it. My friends grandfather embarrassedly apologised to the chap who had been kept waiting. He simply laughed and said "Don't worry, I did that last week!". After that, they both enjoyed the rest of the holiday.
Next a plug for my big gig next weekend at The Dublin Castle. Please join us. It should be an amazing night. We play a mash up of lively Ska/Punk tunes.
Appearing with The False Dots will be two amazing bands. Main support are The Nice Men. Originally from Merseyside, the band were at one point going to be the NEXT BIG THING signing to Demon Records, but it never quite worked out. Bass player Jasper Stainthorpe (a great great grandson of Lord Nelson) split to form Then Jericho with Mark Shaw. This is there first reunion since 1982.
Next up are The Metropolitan Elite. Lead singer Jamie Whelligan was featured on BBC Radio London yesterday (Hear Jamie on air on BBC Sounds at 3.16.30 - https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0jwl6h8)
If you like tuneful, jingly pop, it is the thing for you.From the BARNET MUSIC FACEBOOK page
And finally. If you've never heard the False Dots, this is what we sound like this. Have a wonderful weekend.
