In all of the debate about sex education, and when we should start educating kids, the government is denying kids who are vulnerable and at risk and have no idea that things are not right, the tools to protect themselves. They are vulnerable because they don't know that predatory adults are preying on them. I do wonder what all of these debates and rules really do for people who actually need to have some sort of knowledge at 9. The sad truth is that there are children of 9 and younger who are being sexually abused. In Mill Hill, there is still a resident who was a teacher at a local school, who was jailed for eight years for abusing a girl under 9. She simply didn't have the tools to recognise that what was happening was wrong, because a person in a position of trust took advantage of them.
If you ban discussions about sex before the age of nine, what happens in class when that comes up. I was at RC primary school and we were told about the biology of sex in our final year of primary school. I then went to RC Boys secondary school. Clearly, what is taught should be appropriate for the age of the child, but they need some idea of what happens and what is acceptable and not.
My own formal sex education was woeful. I was pretty clueless until I was around 14. I knew nothing about STD's, contraception etc. My eyes were opened to the failure of the UK in regards to sex education when I was 18 I moved to Stockholm to live with my Swedish girlfriend. In Sweden, children were educated about sex from infant schools. It was taught in a matter of fact way and demystified. As a result she was able to talk sensibly about things in a way most English girls weren't. She was a perfectly normal person in every way.
In the UK we simply can't have a sensible discussion about these things. Knowledge is never a bad thing. Having been treated for prostate cancer last year, I've had lots of conversations with all manner of people about strength of erections etc. This is vital to my health and wellbeing. Had I had a medical condition when I was 13 I'd probably have denied even having erections as I'd be so embarrassed. I thought I was abnormal getting them spontaneously when I was near attractive girls, when they first started aged 10-11. When I first became aware of them and felt really guilty about sexual dreams. I think it's funny now, but from age 11 to 14 ish, I was completely clueless.
I think the first time I really had a clue was when I read a book called The Joy of Sex aged 14. To be honest, I couldn't get my head around half of it, not least because the bloke looked like Bjorn from ABBA, but mostly because it was information overload. Having learned nothing to that point, all of a sudden, everything seemed there in front of me. When I read it, much of what was described made me feel highly uncomfortable. Being from a Roman Catholic background, it also seemed incredibly naughty and I felt guilty reading it. Having said that, it was fascinating and at least I felt I had some idea what it was all about. The most difficult lesson for me to learn was that sexual activity is a very wide spectrum of behaviour. You only should ever indulge in it, when you are comfortable with the company you are in and you should only do things that you are happy to do. That is the most important lesson of all.
The big problem for me is really that I thought I was dysfunctional when I was normal. What would have happened, if I was dysfunctional and was unable to get aroused or get erections? When would I have realised that I had a problem?
Not educating children is not protecting them. It is placing them at risk. Sadly, we have a government that simply doesn't seem to understand this.
If you enjoy reading this blog, could you do something for me. Just have a quick listen to my band, The False Dots, by clicking here. We are playing at The Horn in St Albans on Thursday 30th May. Why not come along and say Hi!
Thursday 30th May, The Horn, St Albans CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS AND TICKETS enter FD24 for a discount!
Bring Bring Bring "'Ello" - "Is that Rog, do the False Dots fancy a gig with......"
These days, it's a Whatsapp or a Facetime, but in the glorious old days, it was the phone. I have a confession to make. In truth, that wasn't usually how the conversation went. When The False Dots started gigging in 1980, we only had landlines and I was hardly ever around. We didn't even have answer machines then. We weren't that posh. You may wonder how we ever got a gig. It was really easy in truth. The False Dots made bunch of cassettes up, handwrote a bunch of letters, then gave them to various gig promoters. I'd put my home phone number on them.
A couple of days later, I got home from the a rehearsal and my mum said "Someone phoned for you". Thinking it was a mate, I asked "Who was it?". She replied "It was a lovely chap called Rob, who wants your band to play a gig for him". As a foolish 18 year old, who pretended I was super cool, I was horrified. The indignity. He'd spoken to my Mum! What on earth had he thought. With a rising sense of panic, that I'd completely blown it, I said to my Mum "What on earth did you say?". Bear in mind, my Mum had been my Dads secretary at their business for 40 years, working in the motor trade, speaking to people all the time, I was amazed to hear what she said.
Her reply "Well he rang and asked for you, so I said you weren't around and what it concerns. He said he's organising some gigs at The Midland Arms in Hendon and would The False Dots be able to play". I was even more worried. I thought "Oh Lord, he's spoken to my mum". I pressed. "What did you say?" She replied "I said that I was your booking secretary and asked what date he wanted the False Dots to play and said we'd check the bands availability and call him back". I stopped panicking. He hadn't realised it was my Mum, thank God. My mum then turned to me and said "Roger, you need to get a diary and leave it by the phone. Put all the gigs in it and any dates when people are on holiday. If there is a gig, I can provisionally confirm it and say that we'll definitely get back with a solid confirmation within 24 hours".
I realised that she was right. I wasn't in. She then said "Right, if I am going to be your booking secretary, you need to pay me". My Mum was always business minded. I said "What do you want?" She replied "Two bottles of Guinness for every gig, paid for out of the bands profits". We both laughed. She then offered to be our manager, but that was a step too far for me. I was a fool, if I'd listened to her, maybe I'd have been on TOTP, like The Polecats, who got their singers Dad, Barry Warman to manage them! But she was brilliant. She actually liked talking to people on the phone and the Dots soon had a whole slate of gigs lined up. I doubt we'd have done any without her, as the phone would never have been answered.
When we played at the Midland Arms in Hendon, Rob Austin, the promoter complemented us on being a very professional organisation. He asked where our "booking secretary with the lovely voice" was. Being a bit more worldly wise now, I suspect that my mum had been a bit flirty to secure us the gig! I said that she couldn't make it and Rob seemed rather disappointed. The gig he gave us was a really good slot, supporting a band called Way of The West, who had Radio 1 single of the week with Don't say it's just for white boys.
With our secret weapon, we embarked on a whole series of gigs between 1981 and 1985. Being business minded, she also managed to secure us decent money for many of them. She insisted I told her how much we were getting paid, so that if someone asked what we wanted, she had an idea. She'd usually secure a good fee. If it was a prestigious venue and they were being stingy, she'd say we'd call back. In 1985, I had a huge row with my parents and the booking service stopped. Strangely enough so did the gigs and the dosh. But during that period, we did some amazing gigs, with great bands. As The False Dots always had a good following, we'd get decent support slots with out of town bands. Our favourite venue was The Moonlight Club in West Hampstead. As I'd seen The Damned's reunion gig there, I thought it was a very special place. Our gigs there were generally fun. One exception was when we supported a band called Tokyo Olympic from Dublin. Billed as the next U2 (incidentally I saw U2 at The Moonlight supporting Modern Jazz, who we used to follow), they attracted a lot of industry interest for the night. Sadly, they were completely obnoxious towards us. They refused us access to our gear, detuned our guitars and tried to sabotage us. This was a big mistake, as nearly all of the audience came to see us. We all left after one song, adjourning next door to the Railway pub. Five minutes later, our bassplayer, Paul Hircombe showed up and announced that the drinks were on him. He'd been in their dressing room, rifled their pockets and nicked all of their drugs and cash. Normally I'd be horrifiend at such larceny, but as they were such arses, it seemed hilarious.
Another main band that were pretty horrible were a covers band we supported at Hendon Rugby club. They were called The Chevrons. When they realised that our band were going down rather well, they went up and told the PA man to turn off our stage monitors and generally bugger up our sound. We immediately twigged, as did a couple of our mates, who were big, burly bikers. They went and told the sound bloke to sort it out. Again the word went around that the band were arses, so they got a very frosty reception. As was his want, Paul sabotaged their van. We'd decided to have a French theme for the gig. We all wore stripey T-shirts and berets and had strings of onions. Paul mashed the onions up and smeared them all over the cab of the van, as well as putting half a pound of sugar in the petrol, ensuring that the van's engine blew up.
Such things were a rarity. Most bands we supported, we got on famously with and had a laugh with. Several of our early gigs were performed with The Vektors from Edgware School. They were a lively bunch of lads and their Dad had a video recorder, there is even a rather cool video of them playing at The Harwood Hall in Mill Hill with us on Youtube. We were promised a band video in return for booking them, but never got it.
One of the more notable bands we played with were Pulp in 1984 at what is now The Water Rats. Sadly, I have no recollection of them or the gig, other than a note in my scrapbook. I am pretty sure they were nice enough as most were and we only remembered the nasty ones.
What is sad is that there is almost no trace anywhere of any of these bands and gigs. These days, bands are able to self publish on Youtube and Spotify, so we can have a listen and remind ourselves. I've started to put together a Spotify playlist of bands who we've shared a bill with. One of my regrets is that I never recorded the other bands in my scrapbook, so many have been lost in the ether. Here are a few of the ones I could find
Since the band started to get active again in the early 2000's, we all have mobile phones. It has made it a lot easier, as have Whatsapp etc. You can check out the other bands before the gig. We've done some amazing gigs, supporting the likes of The Foundations and Punk legends The London Sewage Company and The Bollock Brothers. I'm pleased to say that we still occasionally fall victim to shenanigans. I won't name the poor luvvies here but last year, we played a headline at The Dublin Castle. When we arrived, the a support band were also arriving. All young, trendy, handome chaps, laughing at us old geriatrics. There were a few sniggers and snide comments. Then they heard The False Dots soundcheck. They looked horrified. I suspect they were worried that their mates might think this bunch of codgers may blow them off the stage. I mean we have been doing it a while. When we went to start the first song, I realised all of my effects pedals had been tampered with, my guitar totally detuned, my tuner knobbled. The same for our bassplayer Fil Ross. We always start with a slow reggae number on drums. Graham just played the beat, Fil tuned up, I spoke, reset the pedals and tuned up and we played a stonking set. We'd realised what they did.They looked horrified that we weren't phased. Our revenge was not like Paul Hircombe's. We just played as well as we could. After the show, they couldn't look us in the eye. For me, it was actually the greatest compliment of all.
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The False Dots are playing at The Horn in St Albans on Thursday 30th May
Yesterday must have been a truly miserable day for Man Utd fans. If they lost, well they lost to the team they used to perceive as their biggest title rivals when Sir Alex Ferguson was in his pomp. If they won, they'd more or less hand the title to the old enemy and the noisy neighbours Manchester City. Needless to say they lost. To make matters worse, the roof of their stadium leaked, turning the terraces into something resembling the rivers of Babylon.
The City fans have a chant to wind the reds up
Old Trafford is Falling Down
Ten Hag is a F****ng clown
Glazers there for ten more years
Man City are on the beers!
Watching the game yesterday, that came to mind. It really sums it up. A United Twitter account posted this
Rain didn't flood old Trafford. The Glazers did! #GlazersOut
It makes me wonder whether the Glazers are really City fans, milking every last penny from Utd as they destroy the club. The more I watch the more it seems a plausable theory.
On Thursday I had one of those moments. I'd been to the gym and done my 5km row, my 10km cycle and I was chilling out in the Jacuzzi, which is my little treat to myself, after the session. I'd taken my daughter who was swimming up and down in the pool. I realised that I was feeling happy and that for the first time in a very long time, things seemed to be going pretty well. After last years prostatectomy, my latest PSA test was clear. after thirteen years of having that shadow haning over me, I finally feel as if I can put that behind me. My kids are all Ok. The band is having a really good period at the moment and I am really enjoying things. The business seems to be on an even keel, after nearly being wiped out by covid. What could possibly go wrong?
Well if I've learned one thing over the last decade or so, it's when everything seems to be going swimmingly that fate kicks you in the goolies. I almost think that things are going a bit too well right now. I am enjoying it whilst it is good, but there are so many terrible things going on in the world, that I almost feel guilty for feeling things are good at the moment. I've noticed that so many people seem angry at the moment. It seems that we need almost nothing to set us off. This week, we saw a very right wing Conservative MP join Labour. It seemed to me that everyone was furious. The Tories were, at the betrayal. Now they are all coming out and claiming all manner of bad behaviour on her part. They rather foolishly have failed to realise that this simply makes them look like hypocrites, for going along with it when she was part of the club. Then there are the Labour side, even more furious at their own leaders, for accepting someone who they consider to be beyond the pale. It seems to me that both sides are filled with fools. If the Tories had simply said "Well we always had suspicions she was a wrong'un and Labour are welcome to her" surely that would have been far more sensible. No one would be thinking "What a bunch of hypocrites". As for Labour, even if they hate her, surely far better to say "It's great that she's seen sense at last" than ranting and frothing. She's not standing for election again, so it is a short term thing. If Sir Keir Starmer wants to win the next election, he doesn't have to convince Labour supporters to vote for him. He needs to convince those floating voters who are sick of the Tories but think Labour will be too soft on things like immigration. Having a hardline Tory defect and say Labours plan is better than the Tories is a powerful statement. As for Natalie Elphick herself, there has been a lot of criticism of her for initialy standing by her ex hsuband and not sympathising with the victims. For God's sake, she's a human being and she isn't the first and won't be the last woman to be hoodwinked by a bounder. On a human level, I have a lot of sympathy for her. I don't agree with her politics, but if we were all the same, the world would be a dull place.
The whole thing is an example of how life can deal us a bum hand. Think of Natalie Elphick six years ago. Happily married to an MP, happy in her views as a hardline Tory. Then her world collapsed. Now she's a divorced Labour MP. If you had a Tardis, and went back and told her what the future held, I daresay she'd have thought you were a looney.
All I can really say is that the only thing we have is the enjoyment of the moment. That is what I was saying when I wrote "We all love a party" for The False Dots, our new single. As I sat in the Jacuzzi, the question I asked myself was "Am I lucky?". The answer is "Yes, but tomorrow that could all change in an instant". So I'll cross my finges, say a quick prayer to the good Lord and hope for the best. Have a great Sunday and if you've not already listened to our track, please do
There are key moments in your life that are indelibly burned into your memory. I thought I'd make a list of them for posterity. What are yours. I've put a few notes around them. What are your memories and what are the things you remember?
1. My first day at school. I'd been quite happy until this day arrived. My parents were well known at the school, as my five elder siblings went there. My sister Caroline was in the junior school. It was around Easter 1967. My Mum drove me up and I was greeted by Sister Gabriel, who told me I had big shoes to fill, as my brothers and sisters had done very well. I thought she resembled a Dalek. My sisters had told me that if you were naughty she'd give you the slipper. It's fair to say that she wasn't filled with the milk of human kindness. I was then taken to my classroom, to be taught by Sister Rosalie, who was a young nun, very nice and kind. Dale Malone was assigned as my 'buddy' for want of a better word. He ran through the class. He told me who was toug, who was unpopular and who was smelly. I'll spare their blushes, but I still remember. It wasn't called Reception then. It was called "The Baby Class". My mum had held me back as I had an August birthday. I found everyone had already decided who their mates were. It took a while to fit in. Being the youngest and smallest boy in the school, I soon learned that the world was not the lovely place I thought it was until then. In truth though, the first day and the first year was OK. Sister Rosalie didn't really make us do any work, just sing the Alphabet song and make crocodiles out of cotton reels. It all seemed massive.
2. My first kiss. I was fourteen years old. It changed everything for me. Let's just say I won't forget it ever and leave it there!
3. Seeing The Ramones at The Roundhouse on June 6th 1977. Up until this point, I'd been drifting. In the 33 minutes they were onstage, I found my reason to exist and my purpose in life. I've documented this before a few times. My whole life would be completely different had I not seen them. It also made me realise what the perfect band and the perfect gig should be. There are a few other instances in my life of such great gigs, but that opened my eyes.
4. The death of my Dad in 1987. I was 24 years old. The phone went at around 7.30am. It was my brother. It was completely unexpected. I thought he was invincible. I thought my parents were in Florida, I didn't realise they'd returned unexpectedly as my mothers eldest sister had passed away. My mother was disconsolate. That would have shaken me to the core, but three days later I was awoken seeing an apparition of my father at the bottom of my bed. I was in bed with my girlfriend and completely awake. She was aware of what was happening but chose not to open her eyes. He gave me a seemingly nonsensical message for my mother. I found it difficult to process it. I decided that it would just upset my mother and she may think I was attention seeking. A year later, I mentioned it to one of my sisters. I didn't tell her the message. A few months later, she told my mother. My mother demanded that I tell her the message. I said "Mum, it's just nonsense". She told me, rightly, that it was for her to decided. So i told her. The message was "I am so sorry, I promised I'd never leave you, but I had to go". She immediately burst into floods of tears, told me I was cruel and evil for not telling her before and threw me out of the house. Two weeks later, she invited me around to the house for a drink. I expected to be berated again. I felt awful. When I arrived, she sat me down, gave me a Guinness and told me that she'd spent 18 months hating my father, as he always promised he'd never leave her and they'd see out their days together. She said the message had reconciled her to what happened. She asked why I'd not told her before. I said that I had no idea and thought it was nonsensical. She then told me that she'd been furious with me for not telling her. She'd come to realise though that my Father had chosen me for that reason. She said that if he'd told anyone else, they'd have told her immediately and it would have not sunk in because she was too devastated. My father had realised I'd sit on it until the right time, when she could understand it. You can think what you like about this. For me, it was the moment I realised that there is more to life and death than we currently can comprehend. I've had people tell me it was all in my imagination, believe that if you want.
5. My first visit to Maine Road Manchester to watch Manchester City play Tottenham Hotspur on 7th May 1977. I went with one of my very best mates, Brian, who I was at Finchley Catholic High School with. We were both 14 years old. We took a football special up to Manchester. It was full of Spurs fans, we were greeted at Piccadilly by an angry mob of City fans. I'd kept my City allegiance to myself. Our plan was to stand on the Kippax. A couple of older Spurs fans, realising that in the hooligan atmosphere of the era, we were not safe, took us under their wings, paid for tickets in the more civilised seats. We sat opposite teh Kippax and not only witnessed CIty win 5-0, relegating Spurs, but also the constant fighting between City fans and Spurs fans on the standing terrace opposite. The journey home was very melancholic, with the Spurs fans contemplating a season in division 2. As a result of that journey, I have always had more affinity for Spurs than Arsenal. This cemented my love of football and Manchester City. Again there have been other moment, but that really was special for me.
6. The False Dots first gig on the 13 December 1980 at The Harwood Hall. I've spoken about this before. In just about every way, this was a disaster. Our singer bottled it and didn't show up. Our drummer's snare drum malfunctioned in the third song, requiring a lengthy break. But it was also a triumph and we came off with the feeling we could do anything. I'll always be grateful to Paul Hircombe (RIP), Craig Withecombe and Dav Davies for having the faith to go through with it. There are a few other gigs that I will never forget. Pub Bastun in Aland, Finland, with Vikings dancing on tables in January 1982. Dingwalls in February 1984, The Purple Turtle in Camden in 2010 and our 45th Anniversary gig at The Dublin Castle in March this year were amazing, but none would have happend without this.
7. The first date with my wife. New Years Eve 1985, Desmond Dekker at Dingwalls. I met my wife at a False Dots gig at The Three Hammers in Mill Hill on the 21st December 1985. She was at Manchester University and 19 years old. I was 23 and working at a software company called SPL International, whilst running the band and the studio (on a part time basis). We hit it off immediately. . After the gig, the band went to a warehouse party in Aldgate. Clare and her friends were invited and tagged along. She was back for Xmas and I doubt either of us thought it would be a long term thing. In some ways, I can than Manchester City for our relationship, as I could visit her and see City. But as it was Xmas, she was pretty busy as was I. I suggested that we spend New Years Eve at Dingwalls watching Ska Legend Desmond Dekker. I don't know if she was expecting a quiet, romantic date, but all my mates were there and it was an absolutely riotous night. When the gig finished at 1am in the morning, we emerged. There were no tubes/buses etc. We were stuck in Camden Town. I am nothing if not resourceful. As we stood around trying to figure out how to get home, an old VW Camper van appeared. I flagged it down. It was being driven by an old Aussie. We suggested that if he gave us all a lift to my sister's place in West Hampstead, he could come along, as we were all having a party. He happily agreed, as he wasn't ready for bed. Eleven of us piled in and carried on the party until the early hours. Clare seemed to enjoy it. I think she probably thought life would be like that all the time! Parties and gigs. It pretty much has been!
8. My first day at SPL International. My first ever proper job. I started on the 11th October 1983. A Friday, which seemed strange. I arrived. I'd done a TOPS Computer course and had the role of looking after the in house computer systems, something I had not a clue about. My boss, Peter Sutherby met me. He introduced me to a chap called Neil, who was leaving the company and had done the job previously. He told me that Neil would "show me the ropes". Neil took me to the compute room, said "That's a Tandem NonStop II computer, you are now responsible for it" and buggered off. I sat in a freezing cold room for an hour. Eventually someone came in. It was a chap called Larry Griffiths, who was a manager. Larry said "Are you Roger?". I said yes. He invited me to a meeting. I sat in the meeting, not having a clue what was being discussed. After the meeting, Larry said "Do you like curry?". I said "yes". We went to The Neel Kamal in Percy Street. We had a curry and a couple of pints. Then we went to The White Hart. We had four or five pints. I got back at around 4pm. Neil was waiting and expressed his disgust. He said "I've never known anyone get pissed on their first day". He told me that I'd be seeing Peter Sutherby on Monday morning and I was in big trouble. Larry then came and asked if I fancied another pint. I went back to the White Hart. I got home at around 9pm. My then girlfriend Lorna asked how my day was. I said "It was great, but I'm getting sacked on Monday". She smirked as I told her the sorry tale. On the Monday morning, Peter summoned me. I expected my marching orders. He said "Neil tells me you rather enjoyed your first day?". I just ummed and ahh'd. He said "Larry said you fitted in very well with the team. Neil didn't which is why he's leaving. Some team members were going off to Switzerland for a contract, so we were seeing them off. We wanted you to meet them. The culture here is that we work hard when we have to and enjoy ourself when we can. You will do fine". I did.
9. The Audition for the Heinz Beans commercial in 1967. I was five. My mum had somehow wangled me a child modelling contract with Norrie Carr, a top model agency. I went along for an audition for a role in Heinz baked beans commercial. As always happens, as my surname is Tichborne, I was the last kid in. I listened to all of the others throw tantrums, refusing to eat a plate of cold beans, which was required for the screen test. I had a plan. By the time I came in, the director was at his wits end. He'd seen 20 kids throw wobblers and Mums getting hysterical, as their dreams of cash and stardom evaporate. I knew it was a slam dunk. I sat down, and smiled. The director plonked the cold beans in front of me. I took a big spoonful, guzzled it down and said "MMM, my favourite". The director was astounded. He looked at my mum, then at me and said "Do you really like cold baked beans?". I replied "Of course not, I'm acting". He roared up laughing and that was that. I twigged young, that if you do exactly what the director wants, you do well. The ad is featured in the video below. How could I forget that.
10. Being told I had cancer. It was November 2011. I'd had a PSA test with a raised level. This was followed by a biopsy. I 100% expected it to be nothing. I'd not asked anyone to come with me. When they told me, I was completely stunned. This cast a long shadow, culminating with a radical prostatectomy last year. I'd not recommend getting cancer, but there are good things I take, the biggest being that I have learned to appreciate life. I hope this comes out in this blog.
Anyway, as promised, her is me appearing in the Heinz Beans commercial in the 1960's, backing music by The False Dots! You can see us at the gig below. You can also listen to me on 242radio.com today (11th) at 12noon!
Being born in the 1960's, I grew up with certian major TV events throughout the year. In Sporting terms, we had the Grand National, The Cup final and the Boat Race. All were massive events in our household. At the time, the Cup final was the only match live on telly, so I loved it. I also loved the Grand National, winning ten bob (which my Dad placed) on Red Alligator in 1968. I can't recall why we loved the Boat Race, but we did. Then there were the 'events'. The ones that spring to mind was Miss World and The Eurovision Song contest. Miss World, in hindsight was a rather strange event. Young ladies on a stage in swimming costumes. They'd have a chat with the compare and express their ambitions, have families, save the world, become doctors, sleep with the Rolling Stones (I made the last one up).
And then there was the Eurovision song contest. The whole family would watch togethe rand get terribly excited as the votes rolled in. My mum fancied herself as a great spotter of winners and was usually right. I usually favoured the song that came last, apart from the UK's entry. The first one I remember was when Sandy Shaw won with Puppet on a String in 1967. My sister Catherine was a bit of a fan. We were still in the Black and White era. Two years later, Lulu won, with Boom Bang a Bang. It was an awful song, but hey, it was Lulu and we won, so we loved it anyway. The follwing year, 1970, a new decade and much celebrations at ST Vincents School when Dana won for Ireland. All of my mates from Nationalist backgrounds decided this was a clear demonstration of Irish cultural superiority. In 1974, we had, for the first time, a truly global act launched by Eurovision. ABBA won with Waterloo. I thought ABBA were pretty good. It is a stonking song and the band was fronted by two rather attractive young ladies.
What caused much hilarity with my sisters was that the two blokes looked like the guy on the front cover of "The Joy of Sex" (possibly the first sex manual widely published). I had nicked it and had a look through. I was at Finchley Catholic High School and realised my education had been somewhat lacking. For some reason, there was a myth that the Swedes were highly promiscuous and into all manner of naughtiness. Something I realised was not entirely true when I moved to Sweden to see my girlfriend in 1981.
The thing about Waterloo was that it was the first non Anglo world song on Eurovision that was vaguely listenable. It had never really occurred to me that Johnny Foreigner, as we liked to think of them at the time, could make decent music. Abba dominated the charts for most of the 1970's. The next and final time I watched Eurovision, was for the Brotherhood of Man's win with Save All Your Kisses for Me. It was the worst of the UK's entries that I can recall. In 1977, I discovered Punk Rock and the concept of watching Eurovision seemed completely alien to me. I've not really paid much attention to the whole thing since.
I've never fully understood why the UK didn't put proper bands in. We did try Cliff Richards, with Congratulations in 1968, but he came second. Maybe that scared the likes of The Beatles, Rolling Stones and The Who off. The only time we really tried was with Katrina and The Waves, in 1997, who had previously had a hit in 1995 with Walking on Sunshine. Needless to say, she won. Following Brexit, I started to wonder whether we'd still lose if we resurrected John Lennon and George Harrison and reformed the Beatles to put an entry in. I suspect that if we'd got Paul McCartney to do a song, it would be more Mull of Kintyre/The Frog Chorus than a banger like Jet or Live and Let Die.
Over recent years, The False Dots have considered putting our hat in the ring, for the fun of it. I've come to enjoy doing songs that are a tad more left field than we'd consider in our heyday. I was joking with Fil Ross, our bassplayer, who is Portuguese, that we could do a verse in Portuguese, at least that way we'd get a few votes! Having heard our entries on the radio over the last few years, I think we'd do a decent job. We'd get in a guest singer or two for the gig! There was a time, when even muttering such thoughts would have seen me unceremoniously slung out of the Rock and Roll fraternity, but now we are old and losing our marbles, such things may be joked about. It was suggested that we submit our latest single "We all love a party" as the entry. I am not sure that the Germans and Italians would get the references to the North London party culture of the 1970's though!
Today we see the start of another occasional series of blogs. I'm calling it "The Battle of The Bands". This will be a highly personal and highly opinionated series of blogs, where I look at two bands/artists and their take on the subject, and why I love one and hate the other, whilst looking at some aspects of why.
We start with Alice Cooper's Schools Out vs Pink Floyd's another brick in the wall. Lets start with a look at Pink Floyd. Back in the dying embers of the 1960's, they were my favourite band. I detailed the story back in 2009. I loved the whimsy of See Emily Play and I will forever associate it with my first girlfriend. Nearly everyone I knew dismissed it, stating that the Beatles were far better (they never were). By 1972, I'd almost forgotten Pink Floyd. I wasn't overly interested in music then. Nothing much excited me. ON April 26th, Alice Cooper released Schools Out. Amazing Grace by The Scots Guards was no 1 in the UK. I'd never seen or heard anything like it.
I was at St Vincents at the time. I absolutely hated it. Grown ups would tell me that school is the happiest years of your life. It wasn't it was horrible. Hearing Mr Cooper singing "Schools been blown to pieces" over a vibrant rock backing was perhaps the moment I realised that Rock and Roll was something I needed to explore. There really are no words to sum up how great it was to have an adult elucidating my feelings in a rock band.
"School's Out"
Well, we got no choice All the girls and boys Making all that noise 'Cause they found new toys Well, we can't salute ya Can't find a flag If that don't suit ya That's a drag
School's out for summer School's out forever School's been blown to pieces
No more pencils No more books No more teacher's dirty looks, yeah
Well, we got no class And we got no principles And we got no innocence We can't even think of a word that rhymes
School's out for summer School's out forever My school's been blown to pieces
No more pencils No more books No more teacher's dirty looks Out for summer Out 'til fall We might not come back at all
School's out forever School's out for summer School's out with fever School's out completely
Fast forward to 1979. I'd left St Vincents Primary and Finchley Catholic High School and I was at Orange Hill School. This was actually the happiest part of my education by a long chalk. By now, I was a fully committed music lover, with Punk and the new wave of Ska being my favourite genres. I rarely thought of Pink Floyd or Alice Cooper. Things had moved on. Some of my mates, mostly the cannabis smoking fraternity, had got into Pink Floyd. Not the whimsy of Syd Barratt era, that I so loved. After Barratt left, the band became rather serious. It didn't work for me and I had no interest. But then, Another Brick in the Wall was released. My Floyd loving mates informed me that the lyrics were pretty punk. It had an animated video, something I've always loved.
"Another Brick In The Wall (Part II)"
[Roger Waters & David Gilmour:] We don't need no education We don't need no thought control No dark sarcasm in the classroom Teacher, leave them kids alone
Hey, teacher, leave them kids alone
All in all it's just another brick in the wall All in all you're just another brick in the wall
[Pupils from the Fourth Form Music Class Islington Green School, London:] We don't need no education We don't need no thought control No dark sarcasm in the classroom Teachers, leave them kids alone
Hey, teacher, leave us kids alone
All in all you're just another brick in the wall All in all you're just another brick in the wall
[Roger Waters:] Wrong! Do it again! Wrong! Do it again! If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?! You! Yes, you, behind the bike sheds. Stand still, laddie!
I read about it before I heard it and was actually quite excited. I'd not paid enough attention to realise that Barratt, the genius in the band, had left. From the first few notes, I realised that this was not the Pink Floyd I loved. All it did was take me back to St Vincents and horrible nuns making us miserable.
Music is evocative, and whilst Alice Copper gave us hope, Pink Floyd robbed us of it. Cooper was singing of rebellion, Pink Floyd were singing about the crushing of the human soul.
I think that was the moment I fell out of love with Pink Floyd. To make matters worse, all of my Hippy friends loved the album. I'd be forced to suffer it as they skinned up and bored me about the musical artistry of Roger Waters & co.
What is quite ironic is that after having hated the song for the best part of 45 years, I now sing the melody when I am at Hadley FC, albeit with new words extolling the wonders of the team.
So for me, in the Battle of The Bands #1, it is an emphatic victory for Alice Cooper, albeit with the caveat that I absolve Syd Barratt from all blame.
As an interesting aside, I was chatting to a customer about music and they asked me what I thought of Roger Waters. My flippant response was "The bloke has caused enough pain, I don't want to think about him at all". I was referring to my dislike of his masterpiece and the fact that it still gives me flashbacks to the most miserable period of my life. My customer assumed I was talking about his stance on Palestine and asked if I was a Zionist and stormed off in a huff before I had a chance to respond. It is not the first time my view of Waters has upset someone, but I hadn't realised he'd been canonised and all his prior sins absolved. As I've zero interest in his music, his stance on Palestine had passed my by. All I can really say is that the political views of someone who's music I really don't like will not make me enjoy their work or be interested in what they have to say, so I doubt I'll be researching Roger Waters views too much anytime soon.
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Music is my life. Without my band, The False Dots, my life would have been impossibly dull. Have a listen to our new single/video if you can. It's sort of Ska/Punk, nothing like Alice Cooper or Pink Floyd!
My advice to the Tories would be to get Hall to stand down as a matter of urgency and get a big hitter in to do the job. If they had someone who at least appeared competent and didn't play dog whistle politics, they'd have a chance. If they don't, they deserve to lose. As for Labour, Khan is the incumbent. If the Tories stick with Hall, we've got another four years of him.
From the moment I wrote that, nothing changed my mind as to the absolute inevitability of a Sadiq Khan win. Whilst it was spot on in it's prediction, I don't think you had to be a genius to get this particular shout right.
A lot of people in the Borough of Barnet have expressed their absolute shock that Hall lost, on Facebook, Twitter etc. Some suggested that there was electoral fraud or other shenanigans. It was clear to me that this is the danger of living in an echo chamber, only talking to like minded people. I do my best to talk to people across the spectrum and I realised that there was a very distinctive type of person who loved Susan Hall. Generally, they are in many ways like me. They are white, over 55, own a car that is not particularly green, don't pay for public transport and they own a house. Where maybe they differ, is that they don't sit all day in the reception of a music studio, talking to people who none of those things apply to. I can't say I met anyone, apart from Labour activists, who were particularly excited by four more years of Mayor Khan, but just about everyone who the above didn't apply to seemed horrified by the prospect of Susan Hall winning.
Shortly after I wrote those words, I was chatting to one of our more sensible local Tories. I will spare his blushes and not name him, but he had drawn the same conclusion as I had. We had a fascinating conversation about Ms Hall's prospects. He posed me a question "Do you think it would be possible to make Susan electable?". That was actually an excellent question as a palour game. My initial response was "No, she's useless". When I got home, I thought about it and realised that I was wrong. I started to write a blog. I began with the premise that she'd offer me a million quid a year to do it, I could come up with a strategy if she gave me total control of her campaign. As it would never happen, it was a good starting place for what initially started as a humourous look at what she was doing wrong and what I'd tell her. As I thought about it, I decided that it was actually very easy money and was amazed that a party like the Tories hadn't twigged themselves. Had her advisers all had lobotomies?
So what policies may have changed Susan Hall's fate. Lets pretend that what we really care about is attractive policies. Where could Hall have found the quarter of a million votes that she was short? That's where I'd start.
1. The housing crisis. The Tories are facing an existensial crisis. Almost no one over 40 has any faith in them. Whereas aspirational young adults used to see the Tories as the gateway to a more prosperous future, buy your own house etc, they've had fourteen years of being dumped on. In London, you can have a decent job, but housing will still be completely unaffordable. Whilst there are people in terrible dire straights in terms of housing, they will never vote Tory, so you can rule them out. What we do have a lot of are well educated, working people, who are forced out of London by the price of housing. If I was advising Susan Hall, I'd have told her to set up a London housing board, to address the affordability of homes in London for working people, especially those in the key roles that keep our city working. NHS, Teachers, Transport workers, etc. If all developments of over 6 units had to give 25% of the space to the Mayors advisory board on long term low cost leases, which could then be relet to such key workers, giving them cheap, good quality, secure accomodation, this would make Hall's bid far more attractive to under 40's. The scheme would address a real need, without any cost. Planning rules should allow no space for bargaining and the cheaper social housing elements should be the first to be delivered. There are a vast number of working people in key jobs who this would benefit.
2. Policing. Lets be quite clear about this. Neither Sadiq Khan or Susan Hall came up with any credible proposals to end the awful plague of knife crime in London. I'd have advised Susan Hall to bring in someone such as campaigner Mark Prince as a knife crime Tsar. Someone who can bridge the divide and who knows the subject and is respected in the communities that are most affected. I genuinely think that if Hall had come up with a credible strategy, she'd have brought a lot of people to her campaign. I also think if she'd gotten serious about anti social behaviour, she'd have been on a winner.
3. ULEZ. This was her big policy. The trouble was, everyone knew she was closing the stable door after the horse had bolted. It's been in a year and nearly everyone with a polluting car has got rid of it. She'd have been far better advised to come up with some credible policies to ensure that Transport worked better in London. I heard nothing from Hall about dealing with real transport problems.
4. Overdevelopment. The problem here was that the Tories were facing in different directions at the same time. They were talking about building more homes, but at the same time opposing all of Sadiq Khans plans for big developments. If you play fast and loose with voters, they simply don't trust you. The Tories in Barnet passed a huge scheme in Edgware. When they lost control of the Council in 2022, they immediately started opposing it and blaming the Mayor. Any local who knew the history saw through this and had no trust at all in Susan Hall. Sending mixed messages never works.
5. TFL ticketing costs. Again Hall sent mixed messages. She railed against Sadiq Khan's fares freeze. This convinced a lot of people who rely on the Tube and buses for work, that they would be hiked if she won. It may have played well with wealthy retired people, but for ordinary working Londoners, it was a most unwelcome stealth tax. You will never win any votes by hiking up fares. The car mob were already in her pocket. I am no expert, but if Sadiq Khan really is as bad at running TFL as she claimed, surely she could have sorted this out and given us even cheaper fares?
6. London's night time economy. I was convinced that this was a massive open goal for Hall, especially with young London. Sadiq Khan has done nothing to help musicians, theatres, concert venues etc. Hall's natural instinct was to react negatively to anything that young people might enjoy. I found it unfathomable, given how much of London's economy relies on tourism, that neither candidate had anything positive to say about concrete support for the sector. I genuinely believe that if Hall had come out strongly with support for venues etc, she would have garnered support in areas normally allergic to Tories.
7. Small business. Susan Hall, like me, comes from a family steeped in small business and the motor trade. There are over a million small businesses operating in London. It should be sobering for Susan Hall and the Tories to realise that this total would have won her the election. The fact that she made no pitch at all for the small business vote was truly bizarre, this should be viewed as fertile ground for Tory policies. The sad thing is that I saw nothing from either candidate that would help my business. I know plenty of other businesses who said the same thing. What practical changes can a Mayor make? It's not fashionable, but workable high street parking policies is a good place to start. Rates relief helps the bottom line. Listening to hyper local concerns and fixing problems would also help. An example? In Mill Hill, we have many shops, former banks, etc lying derelic and creating an air of neglect on the High Street. This puts off prospective businesses from coming to Mill Hill. I've long believed that the Mayor should have a scheme to encourage Landlords to let the properties on short term deals to young people starting businesses. If they were given a break from business rates for a year, this would give them a chance to find their feet. By the same token, Landlords that simply sit on rotting, empty shops, should face quadruple business rates as an incentive to let the property.
As I do, when I write blogs, I tend to get quite excited. I realised that there was a huge opportunity. If politicians put ideology to one side and try and make a practical difference, where they can, there are huge opportunities. Had Susan Hall campaigned on these issues, I defy anyone to tell me she wouldn't have done far better. I thought the better of publishing the blog. I doubted that Susan Hall and the Tories would take it up, but I did worry that people would mistake my proposals for what she actually was doing and I couldn't possibly bear the thought of people mistaking my ideas for real policies.
There was an excellent article in the Times on Saturday by Matthew Parris. To paraphrase him, the gist of his article was that the Tories are currently full of swivel eyed looneys with no experience of life, obsessed with right wing policies, rather than good governence and effective running of the country. I couldn't disagree. I have to wonder if Susan Hall ever sat down and said "Right team, how are we going to make the numbers up to beat Khan?" or whether they just sat around thinking of ways to appeal to the other right wing looneys sitting around the table?
So Sadiq Khan has won a third term as London Mayor. Anyone who reads this blog will not be to surprised with that result. Given that we are a Barnet blog, of course we are interested in the Barnet aspect. Many local Tories will be surprised to learn that Sadiq Khan won comfortably in the Barnet and Camden area, far better than at the last election. Despite a lot of guff from local Tories, Sadiq Khan has clearly persuaded a lot of people in Barnet that he was the best man for the job.
Here are the London Totals
🚨 BREAKING: Sadiq Khan has won the London Mayoral Election
The first thing to note is that turnout was 40.5%. Less than half of Londoners who could vote, did vote. When Sadiq Khan was first elected, turnout was 45%. This was the lowest of the three elections Sadiq Khan has faced. To me, this apathy was unsurprising. I don't know too many people who felt inspired by Sadiq Khan or Susan Hall. The major reason for voting for them was that they weren't the other one.
It was clear to me from the moment Susan Hall was selected by the Tories that they'd picked a totally unelectable candidate. It seemed that every time she went on the radio, she put her foot in the mouth and made gaffs. Her keynote policy was the abolition of the ULEZ extension. Given that the zone has been in place for a year, hardly anyone in London has a non compliant car anymore. As such, all Hall was promising was dirty air for all. It was never going to win anywhere enough votes to change her fortunes. Her only other USP was that she was not Sadiq Khan and stood for the party with the best chance of usurping him. You simply don't win elections with no popular policies and no personality.
It is interesting to note that I didn't even see an election leaflet from Sadiq Khan in Mill Hill. I don't know if he'd given up on us or if the dog ate them. What I do know is that the leafly parts of Barnet are of no interest to him. Despite this, Susan Hall still was too unnactractive a bet to win. As for the GLA, it was no surprise that Anne Clarke won again. She shed around 5,000 votes from last time, luckily for her, the Tories shed 11,000. In fact the only party that increased it's vote was Reform UK, up from around 4000 to around 7000. Clearly quite a few disgruntled Tories have jumped ship. It is also worth noting that even with the reform vote, the Tories would still have lost heavily.
I saw a swivel eyed young man, from a hard right 'think tank' (is that rhyming slang) stating that the Tories need to move to the right to shore up their vote. His premise is that this will bring those 7,000 voters back onside. It is interesting to note that in 2008, the last time the Tories won in Barnet, Brian Coleman (remember him) won with 72,000 votes. At the time, the Tories were lead by David Cameron, who was doing his best to appeal to the centre as well as the right.
What Cameron knew and it seems the Tories have forgotten, is that to win elections, you can't just appeal to a narrow group at the extremities of your party. After fourteen years in the wilderness, Labur seem to have taken that lesson on board. The Tories seem to be determined to try and defy the laws of electoral physics. I suspect that there will be a long period of rearranging deck chairs on the the decks of the Titanic, until they lose a few elections and the penny drops.
I do hope the London Tories realise that their obsession with NIMBY's and noise one trick pony groups, such as the anti ULEZ brigade will win you nothing. My advice, get yourself some policies and some vision.
I've voted in every election since I was able to vote in 1982. This has been the one which energised me least. I get the apathy of voters. There are over six million voters in London and Sadiq Khan got around a fifth of them with 44% of voters. That is a sad indictment on all of our parties. Whilst I am sure Sadiq Khan is celebrating tonight, the fact that four out of five Londoners couldn't be bothered to vote for him, one way or another says it all. Could it be that people are not as convinced that elected Mayors are the answer?
It's Saturday, we all love a party, and there is no better music for a party than Ska. As it's Ska wars day, it seems entirely appropriate to have a Ska playlist.
A very short blog concerning tomorrows Election for the London Mayor. If you vote for a candidate, not because they are the best, in your opinion, but because they might stop the other one, then you are undermining democracy and in my opinion, you are the problem. You are the person who lets the parties pick substandard candidates. It is just my opinion but I think neither Susan Hall or Sadiq Khan are fit for the job. I will be voting for the Lib Dem candidate Rob Blackie. He has persuaded me that he has the best plan and the best character. You may not agree with my view of him, that is your perogative, but if you vote for someone, or a party that you think aren't up to the job, you are failing London.
As for the GLA, I'll be voting for the Lib Dems there as well. I am sick of voting for people who simply take my vote for granted. Both major parties need a rocket up their backside for their total contempt for ordinary people. If you vote for them, they will never change.
That is all I can really say about the matter. I couldn't be more fed up with the major parties if I tried.
