Another installment in the saga. Today I had to attend University College Hospital to have some tests to ascertain whether I was healthy enough to undergo a general anaesthetic. This involved four blood tests, an ECG and a blood pressure test. In itself, none of these are particularly daunting, but they are the precursor to one, two or possibly more rather unpleasant procedures as part of my ongoing treatment for prostate cancer. In truth, the thing I was most dreading about todays business was having to get a rush hour service into town. \Not only that being a tightwad, it was mildly annoying that for the outward leg I'd have to pay, as my over 60's Oyster Card does not work on rush hour services. I have got out of the habit of getting up at the ungodly hour of 7.15am, as my studio work starts at 10am.
As my appointment was scheduled for 9am and One of the blood tests was a fasting test, I'd not eaten since 8pm on Sunday. I was starving hungry, something I don't enjoy. Breakfast is the one meal a day I never normally skip.
Whenever I have such challenges, I try and give myself something to look forward to, a pleasant thing to focus on while the needles go in etc. For todays treatment, I'd decided that as I'd be going out before breakfast, I'd allow myself the rare treat of a Full English Breakfast at a nice cafe once the tests had been completed. When I was walking from the tube station to the hospital, to my horror, I noted that there seemed to be no proper cafe's anywhere. I used to work in the West End in the early 1980's and there always seemed to be one on every corner, but now all we have a plethora of cafe's selling overpriced gunge that is supposed to be coffee, but has so much other gunge in that you cannot taste the coffee.
This reminded me of a girlfriend of Spanish origin, I went out with as a teenager, who educated me that the only proper coffee is a shot of espresso. She was of the opinion that shipping coffee beans half way around the world, roasting them and grinding them, only to adulterate them with milk, sugar and various other dodgy syrups was the height of stupidity. If you want to taste coffee, drink it neat and strong. Once I got used to the taste of fresh espresso, I found all other variations taste like muck (the one vice I don't have is a sweet tooth).
I've not seen her for 40 years, but I imagine she'd be horrified at the rise of Starbucks gunge coffee culture. She struggled with London in the early 1980's as almost nowhere served decent Espresso, so I'm sure the fact that at least you can get it now would be some solace. Being a young punk rocker, travelling through Europe, She used to work as a waitress, a job she was not well suited to She'd sneer at customers who made choices that she felt were not appropriate. She was sacked from one job for telling a customer, who took exception to being sneered at "I am here to take your order, not to massage your fragile ego". I tried to explain that there were some times in life that you need to put your punk attitude away for.
I recall having a huge argument about putting malt vinegar on chips. She was disgusted with this and told me so. I asked if she'd ever tried chips with malt vinegar and salt. She told me that she hadn't and wouldn't. I replied that if she tried one and could genuinely tell me it wasn't delicious, I'd give up malt vinegar forever. She took one, was just about to start pontificating, when she realised that I was right. That was the moment that I learned that you are far better off being wrong.
I realised that winning in life is not always about being the winner. Sometimes it's about not starting the argument in the first place. Three days of non communiction and sarcasm was not worth it. Some people do not like being wrong and as a good Catholic, I realised that this was my penance for breaking the unwritten rule of happy relationships.
I've always liked people with strong views and when they have them about trivial matters such as vinegar on chips, it is ever better, although it can make dates a far more tricky matter than when you have an easy going partner. I ended up letting her order for me as well, as that way I'd not get that cold stare that you get when you've made a fool of yourself in front of the whole world, by choosing carrots instead of french beans. I didn't mind as she'd choose things I'd never have, which opened my eyes to a lot of wonderful foods I'd not had at home. Before I met her, I'd always have steak well done, as my Father wouldn't eat it with the slightest bit of pinkness. She was at the opposite extreme. I realised that she was right. The only problem was, next time I had a steak with my Dad, I got the cold stare from him.
For some reason, I got to thinking about all of this as I was waiting to be jabbed and prodded. Life is all about such challenges. It's about learning when to fight, when to hold your tongue, when to run away, when to listen and when to pass an opinion. I learned that just because I've always had my steak well done, doesn't mean that is the best way. It means that winning a pointless argumement is a waste of time, if it means you suffer for it. That is a really important point for getting by on social media. Life is full of people who, metaphorically, have never had vinegar on chips, but think its disgusting, regardless. Even if you can persuade them to try it, and they love it, they will still make your life miserable. If you can accept that, life becomes easier.
Anyway, returning to my tale of this morning. As I sat in the waiting area, the thought occurred to me that maybe all of the great old cafe's of the West End had bitten the dust, were any still left? I went onto Google maps and put the word in Cafe. Three decent looking options came up nearby. I rather liked the look of The Little Portland Cafe, so I decided that would be my destination.
Having this sorted, made the whole process fly by and I left with a spring in my step. I have to confess that this is a bit of a guilty pleasure. My good lady is not really a fan of cafe's and if she saw me tucking into a hearty full English, I would be reminded at length as to why I find myself in the this predicament (in her opinion). Any protestation that I've not had a fry up in a cafe on a weekday for longer than I can remember would cut no ice. I suspect that if I was having sugar laced cappucinos and cinnamon buns, not a word would be said, but as with the vinegar on the chip, this is not an argument worth having. Far better to accept I'm an idiot, enjoy my breakfast and move on. This is exactly what I did.
With regards to diet, when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, the only thing I was told to avoid was milk, which I have done. I then spent six months trying to identify healthy foods and lifestyle changes, which I made and stuck to. It has occurred to me that some of these I've slid back on a bit over the last three years. I more or less stopped drinking green tea, I've eaten less cooked tomatoes and not been drinking pomegranate juice as much as I used to. Also, due to injuries, I've not kept as fit, although I've more or less managed my 10K steps a day. So yes, in some ways it probably is a bit my fault.
I am in the limbo period where I'm having tests, biopsies etc, but the treatment plan is not clear. I didn't sleep well last night, as I was running through the less pleasant aspects of various potential options in my head. Sometimes, it's ok to accept you don't have answers, don't have a coping strategy and don't have the information to make an informed choice. Sometimes, you just have to wait until you do have those things. I've come to realise that when you have challenges, you cannot always overcome them. Sometimes you lose. The secret of real success is to not let the losses destroy you. It is easy when it is an argument over vinegar on chips. When you are dealing with something like cancer, it is different. Sometimes you have to accept a less than perfect outcome and make the best of it. Sometimes, making the best of it is simply putting that vinegar on the chip and saying, sod it, I'm going to enjoy this and I'll worry about a the other crap tomorrow.
---- About this feature
For those of you who are regular readers and have read the previous posts on Cancer, there's what this is all about. I write this blog because knowledge is power and if you know what you are dealing with, you have more weapons in the locker to fight it. It is a personal view, I'm not medically qualified. This is for the sole purpose of information for those who are interested.This is the latest installment in my occasional series about how I'm adjusting to living with a big C in my life. For those of you who aren't, here's a quick summary. I'm 59 years old and in October 2011 I had a prostate biopsy following two "slightly high" PSA tests - 2.8 & 4.1. The biopsy took ten tissue samples and one of these showed a "low grade cancer" which gave me a 3+3 on the Gleason scale. I was put on a program of active monitoring. In early February, I got the results of the a PSA test - down to 3.5 and an MRI scan which found absolutely nothing, two more tests in 2012 were at 3.5 and 3.9, in 2013 my test was 4.0, Jan 2014 was 3.8, August 2014 was 4.0, February 2015 it was up to 5.5 and my latest in August 2015 was down again at 4.6. In October 2015 I had a transperinial Prostate biopsy, that revealed higher grade cancer and my Gleason score was raised to 3+4 (Small mass + more aggressive cancer). On 22nd Jan 2016 I had HIFU (Hi Intensity Focused Ultrasound) treatment at UCHL). My post procedure PSA in May was 4.0 which was down, followed by 3.7 in August, and 3.5 in October which means that the direction is positive . However in January the follow up MRI revealed "something unusual which requires investigation" After a follow up biopsy, it appeared this was nothing to worry about. My two most recent PSA tests were Ok (3.7 and 4.6) and an MRI scan in March was very positive. A PSA in October 2019 was 4.6, so stable and good news, the last in May 2020 was 5.45 a small rise, so worrying, however after a review against the most recent MRI, it was decided that this was fine. My two latest ones in February 2022 was 6.7 and October 2022 was 6.6 was stable. My MRI in March 2022 showed 'a change' so I am now awaiting a biopsy. I had a PSA test in late March which also showed a marked increase to 10.3.
I've no symptoms apart from needing to wee quite regularly and sadly for a few people, if I'm gonna die soon, it won't be from Prostate cancer. Got the picture?
