The Saturday List #374 - Ten things I have realised that Dad was right about

39 years ago today was possibly the worst day of my life. I was awoken early, by a phone call from my brother Laurie telling me that my Dsd had died. It was a massive shock. He had been on holiday in Florida and having the time of his life. He was spending money like water, much to my mothers annoyance. He had a new credit card and he was maxing it out to the limit. What I hadn't realised is that my Mum's sister had died and they had returned. Dad had an anuerism in the early hours, we believe brought on by the cold weather. 

I was getting on well with my Dad at the time. This had not always been the case. We are both strong characters and had several stand up punch ups. We disagreed on many things. He was Tory, I was Labour. He was a staunch Roman Catholic, I considered myself an atheist back then. He believed that the carpet bombing of Berlin was the correct thing to do. I didn't. There were many things we disagreed on. Dad thought I was a complete idiot. He didn't get my music, my fashion, my politics. my sense of humour. It was reciprocal. The last time we met, we had a great beer and a chat and it was civilised. He told me that he'd completely misunderstood me and that he realised I was a strong character who did things the way I wanted. He had realised that I argued because I believed in what I was doing, noi just to annoy him. It was the only grown up conversation we ever really had. Then he was gone. Over the years, I came to realise he was right about many things I had thought he was completely wrong about. To mark his memory, I thought I'd publish a list.

1. Electric Blankets. My Dad was from sub tropical Australia and hated the cold. He hated London's weather. His solution was to lie in bed every morning, drinking tea, reading the papers, ,doingt the puzzles and saying the Rosary and chilling out with the electric blanket on. When I was a little kid, it was a real treat to jump in with him, in his nice warm bed and do the puzzles and say the Rosary with him. By the time I was a teenager, I thought it was ridiculous behaviour. However in recent months, we bought an electric blanket and I find I am morphing into my Dad. Tehre is nothing better than lying in bed, doing a Soduku with the leccy blanket on. 

2. Big Juicy Steaks. When Dad died, I was a non meat eater. I did eat fish. Dad took this as a sign I was an idiot. I felt that farming techniques were cruel. Dad grew up on a farm and saw farm animals as food. When we had our last chat, he said "If the reason you are not eating meat is because you think farming is cruel, would you eat a wild deer you'd shot if you were hungry?". My reply was that I am not into killing animals. In 2000, I got really ill with a vitamin deficiency. The doctor advised me to eat meat, especially liver. The symptoms immediately disappeared. I guess Dad was right all along. I do love a big, juicy steak, but I only buy quality meat from proper butchers.

3. Songs should have melodies. Dad simply didn't get most punk rock. He said it had no tune. When he heard our band, he advised us to get some songs "with proper tunes". He was right. When I started listening, the music got better. In 1986, Dad came to see us at Grahame Park Festival. He was very impressed and said he didn't realise we were a proper band.

4. The Labour Party. Dad told me that he hated the Labour Party as it stifled creativity and innovation. I thought this was absolute rubbish. Sadly, both Sir Keir Starmer and the Barnet Labour Party have proven him right. I don't think the Tories are any better.

5. Police and Thieves. Dad believed that the job of the Police was to catch criminals and lock them up. I believed that their role should be wider and they should have a role in building communities. I have come to realise that the Metropolitan Police does not have the resources to do this and should concentrate on its core role. Dad explained that the place to rehabilitate criminals was in prisons. He explained that it was 'Unchristian to lock people up with no effort to get them to sort their lives out'. He was, of course, right.

6. Muslims. Dad worked in the Middle East. His views on Muslims and Arabs were complicated to say the least and by todays standards overtly racist. However, he also told me that many of the Muslims he worked with and had dealings with were fine people. He would tell the story of a crew in his squadron who were Indian Muslims. They were struggling with the stress of missions. As they were devout, they didn't drink. Dad spoke to the Medical Officer, who ordered them to have three large Whiskys in the mess, after every mission, to help with the stress. He also said that they were not to drink at any other time. They survived the war and in 1982, Dad met one at a reunion. He said he'd only got through the war because of that. He had not drank since.  Dad said that he'd realised that they were just like everyone else. Good and bad in all communities.  I had thought Dad a terrible racist, but his views were more nuanced. I just couldn't see past the language he used.

7. Comedians. Dad would say "Funny is funny". He'd laugh at the likes of Bernard Manning, Jim Dvidson, etc. By the time I was in my late teens, I found them revolting. However, I had missed one element. Such people were great comedians. I didn't like their material, but they were good at delivering it and they used the material as this was what people wanted to hear at the time. About five years after Dad died, I was listening to Fred Housego on the Radio, He played a selection of Bernard Manning jokes, all of which were clean, funny and expertly delivered. I realised that he was a brilliant comic and could deliver any material. As Fred Housego said "It's a bit of a shame that he didnt' do more of this".

8. Spaghetti. Dad once advised me never to order Spaghetti. It seemed an odd thing to say. But it is impossible to eat proper spaghetti elegantly and without making a mess. He was right.

9. The Church and Priests. I stopped going to Church in 1976 as I didn't like a couple of the priests at the Sacred Heart. We had a massive fight about it. Dad told me I was an idiot and I'd go to hell. When we had our last chat, we revisted the subject. He told me that I'd made the mistake of thinking The Church was the priests who said mass. He said it wasn't. It was the billion people in the large community. He said it was our job to be good people and do good. He confided that what really upset him about our fight, was that he knew I was right about the priests. He said he'd have knocked one of them out, if he hadn't been a priest. He said he just couldn't properly explain at the time. He said that if you went to church, you would know what was happening in the community and have the opportunity to do good things. He was right. I try and ignore priests I don't like now.

10. Fashion and clothes. Dad used to despair of our punk rock fashions. He told me I'd never get a nice girlfriend if I looked like a tramp. He confided that he was absolutely amazed that I seemed to have a constant supply of pretty girls who seemed to like me as a teenager. He couldn't understand why they would even look at someone who wore scruffy jeans and t-shirts. Times had moved on. However, ten years after he passed away, I was chatting to my nephew. He was moaning that he couldn't get a girlfriend. I said "Cut your hair, develop a style in clothes and always look as if you've had a bath". I then gave him a haircut, removing his long, greasy locks. WIthin a few weeks he'd giot a lovely girl. He nicked my style, the red check shirts (which is was a bit of a trademark for many years). It was only after that I realised I sounded like my Dad!