Please forgive me all my sins,
can we try and start again
can we still make some sense of it all
Allen Ashley wrote these words for a False Dots song called Winter in Your Heart back in 1985. Ten years ago (2016), the band recorded it and made a video of the song with Allen singing. It is rather different from our Ska/Punk set of current, a gentle, thoughtful song. I have always thought that Allen was a brilliant lyricist who writes incredibly evocative lyrics, and of all his work with the band, this is perhaps my favourite example.
In times of difficulty, troubles, turmoil and stress, I often reflect on songs, lyrics, poems and writings. This is one that I often play in my head, when I feel that I've screwed up and need forgiveness. A central principle of Christianity (not that you'd know it from right wing American 'fundamentalist' Christians) is that you must love your enemies and forgive their transgressions. I often wonder if there is anyone alive who can truly say they live up to this. In fact I know very few people who even claim they try. Donald Trump is staunchly backed by the Christian right and neither him nor them seems to have any inclination to follow this central plank of the doctrine they subscribe to.
And me? Well I'd be a hypocrite if I said I said I did. The Irish genes in me are strong in the grudge holding department. I love a good vendetta and a good grudge. I find it hard to forgive people I like for their sins, let alone forgive people I don't like. I love my wife deeply, but I still occasionally get cross with her over long settled disputes. As I've got older and calmer, this happens less, but there are still a few grudges about long held grievances under padlock and key at the back of my mind.
And when it comes to my enemies. My Dad once taught me "If someone stitches you up over something once, then they are a C**T. If, however they stitch you up twice, then you are the C**T for letting them". Dad went on to clarify that if someone has shown themselves to be untrustworthy once, then don't trust them. I can even recall the exact circumstances. There was someone he knew who had work done on his car and not paid for it. The said individual gave Dad a sob story. The said individual was a well known Labour frontbench politician of the 1970/80's. They didn't come back for five years. After five years they did, another sob story ensued and a promise to ensure that both bills would be settled. When the said individual turned up to collect their car, they asked if they could pay by cheque. Dad agreed and the cheque was handed over. Dad was keen to ensure that there would be no comeback, so he then went around every panel with the said individual and suggested that they take the car for a test drive, to ensure that there were no rattles or other issues.
Once the test drive was completed, Dad said he'd only release the car once a "letter of satisfaction" was signed. This mentioned a thorough inspection and a test drive. Upon signing, the car was released. Two days later, the said individual phoned in an absolute rage. Why? He had called his bank to stop the cheque, only to find it had already been cleared. There used to be provision to pay extra money and have same day clearing of such payments. The individual was very rude to my mother who was the company secretary and answered the phone. She put him on to my Dad who explaind "Listen mate, if someone turns me over once, they are a C**T, if I let them turn me over twice, then I am. However you are a mug and you gave me the chance to settle the score and the bill, so not only are you a C**T but you are also a mug. Now F**K Off and never come back". When the character appeared on TV, Dad most certainly hadn't found it in his heart to forgive him, despite professing to be a good Catholic.
Occasionally, I come across people who test my good nature. I try my hardest to be nice to everyone, and if I can't be nice, I try and be fair. In my business, I have customers who I genuinely can't stand, but who pay their bills. Generally, the reason I dislike them is because I have witnessed them being rude or bullying other people, sometimes my younger staff. I rarely let casual customers I don't know that I am the owner. On several occasions, people have said to me "who do you think you are, your boss is a good friend of mine and I'll get you sacked". This has happened several times in front of my staff, all of whom immediately burst out laughing. We actually had one customer who told his band and many of his associates that he was the boss. I heard him doing it, when I was standing behind him one time and he didn't know I was there. I let him finish and then winked and said "Well if they have any complaints or want a refund I'll give them your number". In truth, I didn't mind as he brought quite a few customers down. It is a feature of the music industry that people tell whoppers and so I don't get too upset. When they bully younger or female staff, that is different. I ban about one person a year from the studios, due to such behaviour. Most send long emails explaining why it isn't there fault and why I am totally unreasonable. I usually invite them to try another studio who I don't like.
I have never really been sure whether loving your enemies means letting people who mean you ill carry on. If someone does me wrong and issues what I believe is a genuine apology, I will forgive them, but I will do everything in my power to prevent them from having the opportunity to do it again. And me? Do I expect my enemies to forgive me? There are a couple of people, who I know hold severe ill intent towards me. I understand their reasons and why they hold their point of view. Perhaps the example best known to readers of this blog is Brian Coleman, disgraced Tory councillor and GLA representative. In light of the situation between Donald Trump and Greenland, I thought I'd see what Brian had to say about Mr Trump. I had to sniggered when I saw this tweet which maybe Mr Coleman may feel has not aged well.
Despite claiming to be a Methodist and last time I checked, living in a flat owned by the Methodist Chruch, on a subsidised rent, it seems that Mr Coleman is not really one for loving his enemies and he rather admires Mr Trump for the same reason.
It may surprise Mr Coleman to know that I don't consider him to be an enemy (and not just so I don't have to love him). I think he's a sad individual who I wouldn't consider to be a worthy enemy. My personal view is that grown men who attack women or children should go to prison, to keep the rest of us safe, but when Coleman was disgraced and lost office, any real interest I may have in him evaporated. If he was a man of dignity and honour, he'd have apologised to Helen Michael after he assaulted her and begged her forgiveness. My dispute with Coleman was that he called me a few nasty things, whilst in office. I won a standards case against him and if he'd had any sense he'd have learned his lesson. He didn't and ended up attacking Helen Michael on Finchley High Road. I'd like to think that anyone I have transgressed against, I would be big enough to apologise to.
When it comes down to it, the doctrine of loving your enemies is a beautiful concept but I am not sure that the human race is actually capable of it at this stage in our evolution. It is a real shame, because the world would be a better place if we could put enmity aside and work to make the world a better place for everyone. The sad truth is that whilst people like Donald Trump are President and people like Brian Coleman admire him, we will be lumbered with a world where injustice thrives and disputes abound.
If I pray for anything at the moment, beyond the health and wellbeing of my family and friends, it is that a new generation of leaders will emerge, who are good people, who aspire to rise above pettiness and greed. Is it really too much to ask countries to pick leaders who are genuinely interested in making the world a better place?
Here is Winter In Your Heart, the song which I started the blog quoting. It seems apt for a Winters Day in a world that is seemingly going mad.
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