In everyone's life there are key moments when your life changes forever. Nothing is ever the same again. This week has been a difficult and stressful one for me. It has made me reflect on my life and the key moments when it changed. I thought that warranted a list.
1970 - My Mum diagnosed with stomach cancer. Up until that moment, everything had been fine and dandy. Then it wasn't. I've written about this before, but everything changed. I had been working as a child model/actor. I was frequently on telly and I didn't have to go to school when the shoots were taking place. Mum told me she was too ill to continue and that was that. She eventually recovered, but I believe I suffered PTSD watching her struggle. Dad had been told she would live no more than three years. He broke down and told me this. I was eight. Seeing her looking half dead, on a drip in hospital is the most traumatic moment of my life. Most of the pictures of me before that had me smiling. After that, most don't.
1977 - Seeing The Ramones at The Roundhouse. I was fourteen and truly lost. Then my sister took me to see the Ramones. I realised what I wanted to do in my life. I wanted to make the same noise the Ramones made. I found my tribe. The idea of what my life would have been like without that moment is unthinkable.
1980 - The False Dots first gig. It took us a year and a half to get it together. Our singer didn't turn up. We rented a Church Hall and got two other bands to play with us. Until that point I knew what I wanted, but I had no idea if it was feasable. Playing that gig made me realise that anything is possible, if you really want it and work hard. But most of all, I learned that you need people in your life you can rely on.
1983 - SPL International. I was stone broke, I had been working as a painter and decorator, but the work had dried up. I had a girlfriend and I wanted to live with her. I realised that I needed a steady job, where there was regular money, until the band got a record deal and we all became rich. I did a government sponsored TOPS course in Computer Operations. It was a ten week course, and I was told there was a guarantee of a job at the end. The course operators, Compucentres promised that they would fix us all up with three interviews as part of the deal. The first two interviews were a disaster. The first one was at an insurance company and it was horrible. The second was for an oil company and the manager was someone I was at FCHS with who hated me (what are the chances). I had almost given up, when I was sent for the third one. It was at one of Britains top software companies. They sent the two cleverest people with me. I was third up. I just assumed I'd fail. The manager I had to see looked and sounded like King George V. He seemed flustered. I had been told to not talk about my music or travel. I sat down and he seemed like the whole thing was a terrible chore. I just assumed that I had already failed. I noticed a poster for Svenska Handelsbanken (A Swedish bank) on his wall. I asked why and he said "We supply them with software". I said "That's funny I have an account with them". He was intrigued, as they didn't operate in the UK. I explained that I'd lived in Stockholm for six months. He asked why, I explained I had a Swedish girlfriend and my band had played there. I realised that I'd broken the golden rule and spoken about music and travel. The boss then relaxed and we chatted for about 30 minutes about life, the universe and everything. I thought "What a nice bloke, humouring me". Eventually I went back to Compucentres, expecting to be told I was a useless failure. Haf and hour after I arrived, Iw as summoned to the office. They said "They want you start this Friday". I was gobsmacked. The money was great, the job was great. I'd done everything wrong, but somehow got the job. I became friends with the boss, the wonderful Peter Sutherby. He told me that the other guys had no personality. He said that anyone with the get up and go to move to Stockholm to be with a girl when they were 18 is just the sort of person he wanted in the company. I worked in various roles, mostly freelance, in IT, on and off until 2017.
1985. Meeting Clare. The False Dots did an Xmas gig at the Three Hammers Pub in Mill Hill. There was a very attractive young lady there, who I fancied the pants off. We got together and have been together ever since (apart from a break of a year in 1992, when we realised that life was better together). We have three kids and two dogs and life is good.
1987. My Dad died. He died suddenly, aged 69. I had assumed he was invincible and immortal. Three months before he died, he told me something that I had completely discounted. He said that when he was being shot down in 1944 over Romania, his plane was on fire and he realised it was going to crash. He told me he'd said a prayer to the Blessed Virgin Mary and asked for his allotted "three score and ten years". He bailed out and survived. He told me that he was now in his three score and tenth year. He told me that he believed his candle had burned down. He was shortly to go to Florida and he told me he was going to have a real crack, as it may be his last holiday. I told him not to be ridiculous. I never saw him again. The shock still lives with me. I feel him with me in difficult times. Sometimes, I ask him for advice, a voice pops into my head, usually with some outrageous advice such as "Well I'd smack him in the face". It always makes me laugh. God bless you Dad.
1995. Kids. My eldest daughter was born in 1995. My kids are the best thing in my life (although they say they believe the dogs are). I am proud of all of them. I really am a lousy parent, but they seem to like me. As I mentioned in my 1980 lesson. Have good people you can trust around you. I have.
2011. Cancer. My constant friend and companion, the devil on my shoulder. It took me a long time to recognise this, but for me, cancer has become a positive force in my life. It devastated me and still does. However, I refuse to give in to negativity. I took a positive decision to accept that my life would change. It made me re-evaluate everything. It made me appreciate what I have, work harder for what I want and do the things today that I would have put off until tomorrow. You simply never know in life. I hadn't appreciated this. It has made me love and embrace life. I am lucky, my cancer was diagnosed early. I have had the opportunity to deal with it. Not everyone has the opportunity to get something positive from the experience. That is why I am a passionate advocate of getting tested if you have a family history of breast or prostate cancer in the family.
One other little thing. I was interviewed by The Camden New Journal this week, talking about the 50th anniversary of the founding of Rock Against Racism - You can read the article here - Camden New Journal - Forward to page 18.
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