Rock and Roll Stories#82 - Crossing over to the dark side

 The 'music business' has always had a very dark underbelly. There have been some very unscrupulous people involved over the years and I've come across a fair few of them. Usually I give such characters as wide a berth as possible, however on occasion, you have to deal with devil if you want to get on. In the earlier incarnation of the band, when we were still teenagers, we had a decent following and were attracting a degree of interest. There was a venue I rather fancied playing and we dropped a casette in with my number on and a note saying "If you are interested in giving us a gig, please call us". I gave my home number. Mum acted as our secretary taking the calls and making sure I returned them promptly. I'd also leave a stamped addressed envelope and request them to return the tape if they weren't interested (no one ever did, whether they called or not). Tapes were expensive. 

A couple of days later, Mum told me someone had called about a gig. I called back. It sounded too good to be true. They would pay us a decent fixed fee, give us free beers and a sandwich and they wanted us to play with a band that there was "industry interest" in. They had head we had a following, so thought we were the ideal support. I agreed to the gig. Later in the week, I went out for a drink with a few mates. I was very excited. However my friend gave me some bad news. The promoter was 'a bit of a gangster', who would promise bands the earth, then not pay them. Bands were also presented with an inflated bar tab at the end of the night, usually by a large bouncer. I was in a quandry. I wanted to tick off the venue and I was genuinely quite excited, but I didn't want to be mucked around. I had agreed to do the gig. 

As we were discussing it, another mate of mine joined us. Big Ernie Ferebee. He was 6' 6 and had worked in the music industry as security, for some fairly shady people. Ernie heard the conversation and made a suggestion. "I've got a mate called Porky, he's into music, we can act as your management and make sure you get paid and don't get any hassle". Porky had a fearsome reputation. He had actually worked for my Dad in the motor industry and was known as one of the people in Mill Hill you didn't mess around with. I had my reservations, but I'd always got on with Ernie and I thought that the if nothing else it would spare us some aggro. 

When we turned up at the gig, I introduced Big Ern and Porky to the promoter and said that they were our managers and they'd deal with all financial matters. He turned a pailer shade of white. As we had promised, our fans packed the venue and it was a great night. The beers flowed, we got sandwiches and had a great time. TBH I'd almost forgotten the money issue. I'd agreed that I'd meet Porky and Ernie at the Three Hammers the next night and we'd sort the cash out. They had said "We want to keep you away from the negotiations". 

When I arrived at the Hammers, I was greeted by a beaming Porkie and Ernie. Ernie bought a round. Porky said "Ok firstly. The negotiations were more complex than I anticipated. We agreed a 20% management fee, but this doesn't adequately compensate us for our efforts" I thought to myself "Here we go". The fee was £100 which was a small fortune for us back then. I had semi expected  some sort of conversation like this. I didn't expect what he said next. "I renegotiated your deal, so you got £200, me and Ern get £40 each for our efforts and I've got you another gig there with £200 guaranteed". I was gobsmacked. He added "Thats the art of managment, we all do better!". He was right, inder the original deal, the band got £80, with Porkys negotiations, we got £120. He then said "At £40 its worth my while. 

For the next gig, Porky never showed up, but Ernie came and sorted things out. In fact we never really saw Porky at a gig again and he didn't arrange any more or take a cut. Years later, I discussed the incident with Ernie. I'd never really understood the sudden generosity of the promoter. Ernie explained that Porky had realised that music venues offered certain "business opportunities" that weren't entirely legal. Being able to say he was our manager gave him an in. As the promoter was a nefarious sort, he was quite up for some 'extra income'. The promoter disappeared quite soon after the whole business and a new one took over. The special deals ended but they were fair and proper. 

The False Dots next gig

It is funny because even though he passed away years ago, people still talk of Porky in hushed tones in Mill Hill. He was a true character and a proper scalliwag, but I have to say he was fair and decent with us. He was very much a man of pound notes. He would always advise The False Dots to become a covers band and tell us that he could get us "loads of well paid gigs". He never really got what we were about, but he was a good laugh as far as I was concerned.. 

The False Dots next gig is on Sunday. We play at 6pm at The Barfly for Camden Rocks Festival. The last 47 years has been a colourful journey.