The Barnet Eye supports Journalists fighting for the future of the local Press

The Barnet Eye has received steadfast support from journalists at the Press group of newspapers for our recent campaigns for honesty, decency and trust in local government. I believe their support helped us to achieve a fantastic victory in the battle to save local libraries, forcing Councillor Robert Rams into a humiliating volte face on his closure program. Those same journalists are now going on strike to preserve the quality of the newspapers they work for. Here is their press release. Click on the image for a more readable version

Matthew Offord political career and the assassins stiletto blade?

Here's an interesting thought. Over the last couple of days, this blog has highlighted a couple of press releases which make the Conservative parliamentary candidate for Hendon, Matthew Offord (AKA Captain Useless) look rather silly. As I was sitting contemplating the bottom of my glass, a strange thought entered my head.

When Matthew was selected for the seat, it looked pretty rock solid and unwinnable for the Tories. As Gordon Browns regime rating have sunk and Hendon has become more winnable, it has become a juicier plum. Is there someone out there in the Barnet Council communications department who could be deliberately rustling up dodgy press releases for Matthew Offord that will attract derision? Is someone out there trying to nobble him?

Could it possibly be that someone who helps put the Councils PR together has aspirations of becoming an MP? Is there someone there with a history of Political assassination? If I was Matthew Offord, I'd be very wary. Matthew, you should triple check everything from now on which goes out with your name on. Matthew, I'm just making a wild guess here, but I think someone is after your job.

Captain Useless Update : Matthew Offord is lost in Edgware !

Matthew Offord, AKA Captain Useless, likes to boast about his nautical prowess. Sadly, for someone who'd like us to believe that he's Hendons answer to Captain Cook, he doesn't even seem to know his way around his own Constituency. I found this press release from the good Captain on the Barnet Council website (click on the picture or go to the website for a more readable form).

I was completely gobsmacked to read the following :-

Residents in a Mill Hill street got the chance to meet Police, Neighbourhood Watch,Trading Standards Officers and members of London Fire Brigade face to face in an opportunity to learn how best keep themselves and their belongings safe.
On Thursday 19 November between 10am to 2pm Hale Safer Neighbourhood Team in partnership with Barnet Council Trading Standards, Barnet Neighbourhood Watch and the London Fire Brigade visited every resident in Farm Road, Mill Hill, to provide crime prevention and fire safety advice aswell as information on dealing with rogue traders. The road was chosen as it has been the target of rogue traders in the past.

You see, Farm Road is in Edgware.

If the former Deputy Leader of the Council and Parliamentacy Candidate for Hendon, doesn't even know the difference between Mill Hill and Edgware, it really does show an appalling lack of knoweldge about his constituency. There was much malicious gossip as to why he didn't attend Tory Leader David Camerons Q&A session last week, which was staged at Hasmonean School for Boys in Hendon. Could the explanation be far more mundane? Was Offord just wandering around Burnt Oak looking for it? Yesterday, I wrote a blog about how an old friend of mine (who I affectionately call Miss Whiplash) who is a died in the wool Tory, commented about the lack of activity from Mr Offord. Could it be that myself and the lady of the lash have got it all wrong? Maybe Matthew Offord has been out furiously canvassing, night and day knocking on doors in Berkhampstead ( a place which sounds like he'd feel at home) because he thinks it's in Hendon?

Anyway Matthew, just for you, as I'm sure it will be very useful, I've included a map of Farm Road from Google Maps. I'd suggest that next time you write a press release, you check the location in Google Earth. There has been much debate in the last few days about Tories being upper class twits. I'd suggest that Matthew Offord look less like a member of the Berkeley Hunt and more like a credible LOCAL candidate, if he actually knew where he was when walking around his constituency.

If I was Andrew Dismore (our Local MP) who has been having a torrid time of late, I'd certainly be handing this press release out down at the Broadwalk shopping Centre. Andrew must be laughing his head off.

Captain Useless Update : Miss Whiplash makes my day !

All the best people in Mill Hill shop in Marks and Spencers. Mind you, so do all of the worst people. Having lived here all of my life, I know all sorts of people who earn their money in a whole manner of ways. I bumped into one of the more colourful characters I know in M&S last Thursday. I call her Miss Whiplash and much of our banter involves discussions about luncheon vouchers (all rather light hearted, I must add). Now we've known each other for years and she is one of my best sources of info at Barnet Council, for reasons I couldn't possibly disclose here.

Anyway we had a brief conversation as I procured a couple of rather tasty plums at the fruit and veg counter. "You've rather upset a few people recently darling" she said. "Oh, what have I done now" I asked. "You know, you really are a very naughty boy (laughs)" she said. Then she said something which rather surprised me "You've been very quiet on the Matthew (Offord) front of late. Have you been told to tone it down?" she enquired. "Erm no, He's just not really been doing anything of late" I responded. She then said "Yes, he's getting rather a reputation for not doing anything". I suggested that she advised him to pull his finger out, as his opponenent, Andrew Dismore is nothing if not a workaholic at campaigning, if he really wants to win the Hendon seat. Anyway, she then shared a few further indescretions (all completely unrepeatable here) and toddled off on her way, in her six inch stiletto's.

I hadn't really truly understood the true power of Miss Whiplash in the Tory party. It seems that one quiet word from her and they all jump. I checked the Barnet Council website and it seems that Matthew Offord has been told off and he's leapt into action. Whilst his Labour adversary, Andrew Dismore has been speaking in the Commons about the burning issue for Mill Hill Commuters - The Thameslink Dispute, and his Lib Dem opponent has gone one step further and arranged a meeting with the First Capital Connect Directors,  Matthew Offord has identified an issue even more important to the hard pressed commuters of Mill Hill. Yes, he's worried that the financial rigors of the credit crunch will force us hard pressed parents to abandon our children to unsafe and dangerous toys. Poor Matthew must have nightmares of us all saying "Sorry Johnny, we couldn't afford a safe and age appropriate toy for you, so here's a box of matches and some paper, go and burn down auntie Madges shed".

Anyway here's his advice from his latest press release -

Councillor Matthew Offord, Cabinet Member for Community Engagement and Community Safety, said: “Toys are usually at the top of most children’s Christmas lists, so it is particularly important this time of year to think carefully when buying gifts whether the toy is age appropriate and safe. Remove all packaging once the toys have been unwrapped and keep a careful eye to make sure little ones are playing with the right toys. By keeping toy safety at the top of your list you should be providing your children a safe and fun Christmas to remember.”

I'm sure Miss Whiplash will be most impressed to see that "old Nanny Offord" is giving us sensible advice and making sure that we look after our little darlings. There's nothing us parents like more than a nice patronising press release from our favourite Councillor, telling us things which are blindingly obvious.
(Picture at top : The Future Shape of Barnets Road Safety)

More classic stupidity from Richard Barnbrook, London's BNP Numpty no 1

London faces many major problems and issues at the moment. Families struggle to make ends meet, commuters struggle to get to work through traffic chaos, Boris Johnson struggles to balance his budget. Today was the day when the members of the GLA had an opportunity to grill our Mayor and get him to answer the important questions which matter to London. You may wonder what the best question Richard Barnbrook, the GLA's only BNP member could come up with would be - well here it is.

Just how stupid is Richard Barnbrook. Does he really think eating Christmas pudding would help people to understand Christianity? Does he think that one mouthful of figgy pudding leads to enlightenment, if accompanied by a bit of Silent night?

Generally I don't do religious lectures on the Barnet Eye, but as Richard Barnbrook seeks to lecture Muslims about Christmas (Jesus is recognised in Islam as a major prophet so they probably don't need  a lecture), I thought I'd remind Mr Barnbrook of a few facts about Jesus, as stated in the Holy Bible.

Jesus was a Jewish Rabbi. Had he decided to have staged his second coming in Germany in 1944, Mr Barnbrook's political allies, The Nazi's would have gassed him under the racial purity laws.

Jesus was an asylum seeker (as were his parents, Mary and Joseph). They emigrated to Nazareth to escape persecution. We all know what the BNP thinks of Asylum seekers.

Jesus liked foreigners. He even had three wise men turn up from the Orient baring gifts at his birth. The BNP are not so welcoming.

Jesus was a pacifist. He advised his followers to "turn the other cheek" when confronted with violence. Sadly we've seen quite the opposite from the BNP and their bedfellows "The English Defence League".

Jesus was welcoming of foreigners. He told the parable of  "The Good Samaratan" to expose the attitudes of his fellow countrymen to Samaritans (who were disliked). The point of the story was that "foreigners can be as good as anyone else" its how they behave, not where they are from. Let's just remind ourselves of the BNP's attitude to Johnson Beharry, a VC winner in the British Army, who the BNP say cannot be British because he was black.

Which brings us nicely on to what colour was the skin of Jesus. Given where he was living and that he was of pure Jewish ancestry (his birthline to Adam and Eve is listed in the new testament), he was quite clearly not blond hair and blue eye'd. He was probably olive skinned or black. He most certainly looked and dressed more like a Mullah than Richard Barnbrook or anyone else in the BNP. Most representations are of a swarthy looking man with a beard and long hair. Now for all any of us know, he may have looked like Arnie Shwarzennegar, but it seems to be pretty unlikely.

Finally lets remind us what Jesus used to tell his followers "Love Your Neighbour". He didn't qualify that with "Unless they are ******* (complete as appropriate)".

When I see people like Richard Barnbrook, I fail miserably to love my neighbour. That's why generally I don't go around giving religious lectures. The good Lord loves to see a sinner repenteth. I hope Barnbrook reads this, realises he's a twat and repents. I hope he dedicates the rest of his life to making up for the mistakes he's made and the misery he's caused.

Barnets dumbest press release yet !

Oh dear. Just how stupid can Barnet Council get. Have you heard of Banksie? The worlds no 1 graffiti artist. His works sell for hundreds of thousands of pounds. I went down for an organised exhibition last year at Waterloo. It was fantastic - edgy, thought provoking, exciting.

Barnet Police in association with Barnet Council, caught a yobbo "tagging" (ie vandalising) Montrose Park. How do they describe it :-

Banksy wannabe snared by CCTV(click to view)

Doesn't it occur to Barnet Council that this idiot will now tell his mates that Barnet Council think he's the next Banksie. When he gets his caution or £20 fine, he'll be out, redoubling his efforts to get on the Banksie gravy train. Barnet haven't shot themselves in the foot, they've blown both legs off with a bazooka. Yobs all over the borough will be out with their cans trying to prove that they are the rightful heir to the title. Thousands will be spent cleaning up the mess.

This is a typical example of a council nerd trying to sound hip and cool in a press release.

Let me suggest an alternative wording
Graffiti Yob to stupid to Notice CCTV camera watching him

Rather than trying to compare him to Banksie, they should be comparing him to a potato, happily going about it's business oblivious to the hot water it's about to be in. Pathetic really.