The problem with smug Humanists

Today I feel like a row. Today I feel like picking a fight. It wasn't always thus but right now I need a row with someone to say in balance and harmony. Who better to pick a row with than probably the most smug bunch of the lot. The Humanists. Now I don't care what people believe in. By an accident of birth and sheer stubbornness, I'm a rather bad Roman Catholic. I'll quite happily admit that there are all sorts of things which, shall we say, could be improved within the Church. We are a pretty guilty bunch, we drink too much, we sometimes have to defend the indefensible, we have some fairly strange traditions and ideas. That's the downside. Hey but what an upside. The prettiest churches and I guarantee all the best countries for a party are Roman Catholic. Ireland, Brazil, Spain, Italy. All the best funeral wakes are Catholic as well, especially Irish Catholic.

Now I'm not claiming we have a monopoly on good parties. I've been to some great Bahmitzvahs. Hindu weddings party for three days and certainly have the best fireworks. Greek Orthodox weddings are pretty cool and my sisters Russian Orthodox effort was fantastic. What do the Humanists have to offer in the fun stakes? Posters on the bus? Big deal. They proclaim "Enjoy Life" - well if I want to enjoy life, I go to Dublin. Even London has a big St Patricks day festival. Where is the big Humanist party that we are meant to enjoy? All the countries which tried Athiesm as a state religion were pretty grim. USSR, China, Romania?

So what you may ask, have the poor old humanists done to deserve an earbashing?

Well they are just so smug. They have this awful condescending air of superiority, that only those who "know they are right" can manage. I was in a happy mood on the train home, until I read this letter from Terry Sanderson, President of the National Secular Society in todays Guardian (last letter in list). It seems that the countries numero uno humanist is smugly awaiting our new Archbishop of Westmister, Vince Nichols :-

Vincent Nichols is said to be a "bruiser" and "pugnacious", which is good news from our point of view. The Catholic church is committing suicide with its bullying, reactionary doctrines. It is constantly involved in confrontations with either secularists, gays, women, politicians who won't toe its line or humane Catholics who are appalled by the insensitivity and even cruelty of some of the Vatican's teachings. Your editorial gave Vincent Nichols good advice - stick to issues that can unite your followers. I am pleased to say he is unlikely to take it.
Terry Sanderson
President, National Secular Society

What really irked me was the fact that Mr Sanderson hopes that the new Archbishop will be a failure. He hopes that he'll divide the church and cause discontent within the ranks. In short he hopes that the Archbishop will do a rubbish job. If I was Mr Sanderson, I'd rather hope my arguments would stand up for themselves. I'd hope I wouldn't have to rely on Bishops cocking up to recruit followers to my ideology. If you follow his argument to it's logical conclusion, if the Bishop does a great job, the humanists will get less followers and maybe Mr Sanderson would be out of a job. What he's saying is similar to Sir Alex Ferguson saying "I hope that Gus Hiddink is a rubbish Chelsea manager, so we can walk the league without trying". What does Sanderson expect a bishop to do, totally disagree with the policies of the Church. English Catholics are not stupid. We know what areas of the proposition are, shall we say, a bit out of date. That doesn't mean we want to "commit suicide", much as Sanderson would like us to. I'm not what you might call a particularly devout Catholic. Having said that, I get rather annoyed at smug commentators, who know nothing about the subject talking nonsense about us. My advice to Sanderson - promote the positive messag you have to offer. Lay off the smug sniping.

I've no idea how the new Bishop will do. I hope he does well and promotes the positive messages the Church has to offer. I hope if Mr Sandersons sect pick up followers, its because they have something positive to offer them, not because a Bishop does a rubbish job, much as I'd only advise someone to become a Catholic if they felt it was an attractive proposition.

I've friends of all sorts of faiths. They get something positive from it. I'd not be so arrogant as to say that any faith has an exclusive monopoly on truth. Most people stick with the faith they are born with, sometimes drifting in & out. If it helps them through hard times, that is good enough for me. I know plenty of great humanists & athiests, they are not evil or terrible people, they've just come to a different conclusion to me. I'm not having a go at them or their beliefs, as I'm sure the last thing they want is a smug pompous fool such as Mr Sanderson to speak for them. As for me, I'll stick with my lot, they may not be perfect, but it works for me. Religious arguments are bad enough without Humanists, secularists and Athiests wading in.

You won't find God on a London Bus (probably)

Some stories are truly bizarre. There is a report on the BBC website that the British Humanist Society are placing adverts on the side of bendy buses proclaiming "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life." The report says the BHS has £27,500 to spend on this message. My first thought was that this story was a wind up. It wouldn't surprise me if they'd had a nice big donation from Heineken for the advert. Maybe a byline "Humanism, probably the best religion in the world".

Now I'm not one for censorship. If the BHS thinks this is the best way to get it's message over, that's fine by me. Like many things, some people get hot under the collar when people challenge their beliefs. I disagree, it is healthy to examine your beliefs periodically. The thing is though, if you look at their message scientifically, their proposition is unsustainable. As the existence of God is unproveable, Humanism is just one of many religions, beliefs or viewpoints. As we cannot know which of these is right, statistically they are all probably wrong. In statistics, you have something called sample theory. The bigger the sample, the more likely you are to get a correct answer. Now on this basis, God wins as there are more believers than humanists. That clearly is a pretty dodgy basis for believing, so why use a scientific principle - probability - in the context of something that is outside the realms of current scientific knowledge. Until someone actually produces a valid scientific basis for showing God probably doesn't exist, then the statement is just a belief, the thing Humanists claim to despise.

As to the other part of the statement "Now stop worrying and enjoy life". I don't know about you, but my worries at the moment are nothing to do with God. I must admit that if the BHS had given me the £27,500 instead of giving it to TFL, I'd be worrying much less. I'd probably buy a few cases of Heineken and be much happier. The implication of the advert is that all religious people are neurotic misery guts's whilst Humanists are fun loving party people. Now in the article well known Atheist Professor Richard Dawkins says "Religion is accustomed to getting a free ride - automatic tax breaks, unearned respect and the right not to be offended, the right to brainwash children." "Even on the buses, nobody thinks twice when they see a religious slogan plastered across the side." "This campaign to put alternative slogans on London buses will make people think - and thinking is anathema to religion." Well he sounds like a fun guy to get stuck on a bus next to. One of the most boring programs I watched was the one he put together about what a load of tosh religion was. Give me a Pogues gig full of drunken Irish Catholics any day! The best party I've been to this year was my best mates son's Bahmitzvah. I can also honestly say that I heard more jokes and laughed more at the wake for my Mother, following a good old Roman Catholic funeral than anything on the telly for the last 30 years.

Now I don't mind what people say, but come on. The suggestion that people of faith are all miserable sods is unsustainable. If the BHS wants to plaster buses with these messages, thats fine. If they want to give a misleading impression, which is so obviously a load of nonsense, that is up to them, but I think it makes them look rather silly. Being a Good Catholic boy, I'm now going to sit back, crack open a Heineken and hope Celtic give Manchester United a good stuffing in the Champions League. I can assure you if they win I'll not be worried at all and I'll really be enjoying life!