I hate ASDA !!!!!!

Well it's Friday, I've vented my spleen at Coleman's latest stupidity, so no it's the time to relax, unwind, have a beer and chill out. At least it should be. My darling wife, due to circumstances supposedly out of her control forgot to complete her most vital mission for the day. She forgot to buy me any Zantac from Boots. As I'd run out and I'd been busy, this spelled disaster. You see that due to a rather serious medical condition, if I don't take a couple of Zantac prior to going on a bender, I suffer. When I say suffer, I don't mean feel a bit groggy the next day, I mean get really ill. The range of symptoms varies from merely being in agony all night to spending 3 months in hospital following Mallory-Weiss bleeds in my stomach. A couple of the magic pills and hey presto, stay away from the spirits and I'm fine.

Anyway, as we'd planned a night out with some drinking friends, I was in trouble. It was 6.30 when I realised the problem and a quick jog down to Mill Hill Broadway didn't help. Boots and Care chemist had just closed. My darling wife helpfully suggested I drive to Asda in Colindale as they have a chemist. Marvellous idea. Just one problem, I have two phobias - Snakes and Asda's in Colindale. Don't ask me why, I don't know but the mere thought of Asda's makes me come out in a cold sweat. Now I was faced with a dilemma. Asda's or sobriety. I chose Asda's. I haven't been to Asda's in Colindale for a very long time. As I drew ever nearer, I felt the cold chill of trepidation that the condemned man feels as he approaches the gallows. Never mind, I'll tough it out. I thought I'd soften the blow by picking up a few treats for the kids on the way. Maybe this would make it more tolerable. I got my trolley and entered. Don't ask me why, I've no idea what it is about Asda, but I soon wished I hadn't. I felt the panic rising. Still I had my mission. A big smoked sausage for Matt, some Ben & Jerry's for Liz, a Pizza for Maddie. Nothing for the wife, this was all her fault. I thought I'd just peruse the cheap wine when it happened. I've not been there for seven years but they'd been waiting, planning scheming. They'd seen me coming, lulled me into an almost calm mood and then they got me. As I looked at the cheap Wolfblass, they struck. "I Love the thought of coming home to you". Yup, they'd put Simply Red on the sound system. The most loathesome band in the entire history of the world. The mere sight of Mick Hucknell makes me gag. As to that awful song, even if Uma Thurman, Kim Basinger and Marylin Monroe in her prime invited me for a foursome, and they put that on I'd leg it. It is the second most horrible track ever recorded. When I hear Hucknells voice bleating "I love the thought of coming home to you" I always think "I bet she's dreading it mate and she's only there for your cash".

At that, I put down the wine and made straight for the nearest checkout. A very nice lady on the checkout looked at the selection. A massive sausage, a pizza and a pot of Ben & Jerry's. She gave me a pitiful look. As I left she said "Have a lovely weekend". If only she knew. You have a lovely weekend too.