The Saturday List #233 - My mum's top ten sayings

Mum with me in 1981

It's eleven years since my mum left this mortal coil.  I miss her. I was thinking of her this morning, something reminded me of her talent for rather interesting sayings. These were often triggered by seeing people she didn't like or disapproved of for some reason. Some, to this day, I haven't a clue what they mean. I thought I'd preserve them for posterity today.


1. There's now't so queer as folk. (She was from a generation where queer meant odd rather than a description of sexual orientation. I suspect the TV series has rather changed the meaning of this).


2. She's stuck like a pig in a ginnel. (I've no idea at all what this meant, but it was often uttered, it intrigued me. What ginnels were and why pigs got stuck in them, I've no idea).


3. He's the victim of a good education and a bossy mother. (I can't remember who she said this about or why. I think it probably describes one or two members of Parliament quite well).


4. She's got the face she deserves. (This was often uttered about a particularly sour neighbour, who my mother rather disliked).


5. He should have been a Priest. (My mum would often say this about men she thought were useless at everything. Bizarrely she generally held the Roman Catholic clergy in high esteem).


6. He's a typical bloody Tory. (My mum was a Socialist. This would be exclaimed often during the news, when my mother felt a minister was being heartless. This inevitably lead to a row with my Dad who was a Tory).


7. All the makeup in the world can't hide her ugly character. (There were one or two local ladies who my mother used to think were too liberal with the makeup and too uncaring about anything else).


8. She's had one facelift too many. (This was an insult reserved for Margaret Thatcher as Prime Minister. My mother became convinced that Thatcher had a facelift and I think she disliked this almost as much as her policies).


9. He should have been the Archbishop of Canterbury. (My mother often said this of me. I don't think it was a compliment, especially given that she was a Roman Catholic and the Archbishop of Canterbury was CofE).

10. You're an idiot, just like your father. (My mother did not think my father was an idiot at all, but she thought he was useless with money. Whenever I made a purchasing choice that she disagreed with, this would be uttered. She would make a point of saying it so my father could hear. I think this was to remind him of her displeasure with his spending. Generally he'd respond by going to the Mill Hill Services club, drinking five pints and putting fifty quid in the one armed bandit. He would play until he won, which usually was probably less than he'd put in. He'd come home with pockets full of fifty pence pieces, as proof that he was sensible with money. This would result in an even more searing insult. After he passed away, my mum told me that she'd always been terrified that he'd gamble the house or business away, but she had realised in hindsight that he only ever gambled with what was in his pocket. She'd wait until he was out of sight and nick half of it for the family budget. In 1977, when the family had a business opportunity that required a £15,000 investment, my father was demoralised because he didn't have the cash. When my mother announced that we did, he couldnt believe it. When he asked where it came from, she confessed that she'd been emptying his pockets and putting it in the bank since they first married. He didn't know whether to be delighted or furious).