I broke one of my hard, fast rules of life on Friday. My band, The False Dots had a gig at The 100 Club for the London International Ska Festival. The show was sold out and was absolutely brilliant. I don't know if you are a musician, but when you play to a packed hall and smash it, there really is no feeling in the world like it. When I woke up on Friday morning, I felt absolutely awful. I had that feeling when a cold is coming. I felt hot, clammy and shakey. Given that this is perhaps the biggest and most important gig the band have played for decades, this was not good. I had planned to go to the noon service at The Sacred Heart for Good Friday and then to Hadley FC, before trekking down to the 100 Club. I decided to stay in bed and try and get myself in shape for the gig. I have a form of faith, so I prayed for the strength to get through the day. My Catholic guilt was telling me that if I was going to do anything, it should be attending Church. But I also have a faith that God put me here for a reason. I believe that reason is to make music and make people happy. So off I went to The 100 Club. Even though it's a day of fasting absitinence, something I always follow, I had a few beers. I felt the good Lord had given me a pass.
It was an amazing night. The band has really come a long way in the past five years. I've always loved what we do, but we are in a very sweet place at the moment. I've learned that you never know how long such moments last and to embrace them. A large group of my friends bought tickets to support us, but more pleasing was the hundreds of strangers, dancing, nodding and smiling and the dozens who told us after the show that they loved it. Here is a short clip of Trumpet Tom singing the Prince Buster classic "Free Love", with guitar legend Boz Boorer guesting on lead guitar.
Something to believe in? I got at around midnight and I was absolutely shattered. I got home and it all caught up with me. I slept like a log. At around 8.30am my wife woke me with a cup of tea. We had another Ska fest gig to attend at 1pm and we had friends to meet first, dogs to walk, etc. But when she woke me up, I was in the middle of a vivid dream. One of those gigs that you sometimes have that make you think. That I will remember until the day that I die. In my dream, I entered a dark room with a large table, a big spread with candles. Holding fort was my cousing Tessie. Tessie was my age, but died of covid during the pandemic. She was born with Downs syndrome and suffered from dementia in her last few years. I got on with her. She always told me I was her favourite cousin, but then again she probably told all her cousins that. We got on well. She was feisty, cheeky and naughty. When I was little, I was actually jealous as she had a free pass to do what she liked and everyone just said "That's just Tessie".
Anyway, in my dream I entered, sat at the table and Tessie said "My favourite cousin". I was overjoyed to see her again. I asked how are you. She replied "Oh, it's great here. I don't have to pretend to be stupid anymore". This answer surprised me so I asked what she meant. "God sent me and I was weak and vulnerable, so he could see who the arseholes really are". When she said this all her friends burst out laughing. It all became clear to me. The life we live here is a completely different realm. Wherever we go on the next phase, we see through all of the bullshit and we are not encumbered with the baggage of human existence. I realised that Tessie had just as much of a purpose as I have with my music, that everyone has, but often don't see. Tessie's job was to give us the chance to be the best version of ourselves around her. But now, she could just enjoy herself and be the witty, naughty, fun loving person she always was but we stuggled to see. No one was judging her anymore. She was in a wonderful place, having fun with friends.
When Clare woke me up, I was actually cross. I'd not had the chance to really to ask the questions I wanted. I was back. All I could think was "Who will be at the table with me when I get there, will I understand my purpose?". Of course, all you cynics out there will say "It's just a dream, it means nothing". Maybe, maybe not. For a moment though, perhaps the second time in a day, I was blissfully happy and I actually realised it was all going to be alright. I thought I'd share it with you. Do with this gift as you will, but please, try and be happy and make other people happy. I've failed in that mission too many times.
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