Follow the Yellow Prick Toad?

We're off to see the Wizard !

I had a bizarre dream last night and I realised I'd been transported to a horrible parallel universe called The London Borough of Barnet. This is ruled by the wicked witch of the west, a horrible character who abolishes wardens for sheltered housing, leaving the elderly, frail and vulnerable home alone. She seeks to get rid of all of the little munchkins (council employees) who get decent terms and conditions and replace them with evil flying monkey minimum wage contractors under her evil plan (called future shape program).

She has a rather odd team helping her. A young girl in ruby slippers called Fiona Bulmer tried to stop her, but the cunning witch bought off her chums, stole her ruby slippers and banished her to the wastelands. Her chums were a man of straw (known as Andrew Harper) who wanted a brain, a tin man (called Brian Gordon) who wanted a heart and gutless lion (called Robert Rams) who wanted some courage. The wicked witch captured them and told them that whilst she couldn't grant their wish, she could make them all cabinet members and give them loads of wonga. Sadly for Fiona, they fell under her spell and shafted her.

Now unbeknown to the wicked witch, there is someone scheming away behind the scenes, someone she thinks is a friend. This is the Wizard of Odd. He's a little chubby man, who has spent years fooling everyone that he's a big boy and has magical powers. He even managed by smoke and mirrors to install his mate, Mikey Munchkin as the boss for a while. The Wizard of Odd loves to dress up in bling. He takes great delight in being as horrible as he possibly can to everybody, but strangely thinks everyone loves him. He delights in titles such as "worshipful Mayor" and "Grand Master of the Zorch Munchkins" but sadly has ended up back as plain old Brian. He has a magic mirror in his parlour, which when you look at it, reveals your true character. He once tried, but only found a toad staring back at him. He dreams that he will banish the Wicked Witch and he will be the true ruler of the London Borough of Barnet. Sadly he's too cowardly to actually threaten her as he knows she has the power to transform him back into a toad permenantly. He knows his power is really an illusion, which will only last as long as everyone is fooled by his buff and bluster.

He knows the witch has an army of flying monkeys, willing to do her bidding, his own team of winkies are no match for them. In my awful dream, I am the chronicler of doom. The Witch appears before me and says "You can watch it, but you cannot stop it, Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha" and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Her army of flying monkeys descends on the London Borough of Barnet to turn out the wardens, sack the staff and collect the tax. I look on and watch the whole train crash happening and can do nothing. She then appears before me holding a toad in the palm of her hand. She says "Say hello to Brian, now what can I do to you" .Just as doom is about to strike, I click my heels together and wake up.

Fortunatly, I live in Mill Hill, the sun is shining and I've woken up. I realise that eating a nice large piece of Roquefort cheese and a couple of glasses of the finest red wine from Mill Hill wines is not a great way to get a good nights sleep. I'm just glad I don't live in a place like that.