Monday 30 December 2013

The Baby Jesus was an Asylum Seeker

Yet again the right wing tabloid press bombard us with stories of a forthcoming apocalypse of immigrants. The current flavour of the month for immigrant bashing are Romanians and Bulgarians, who will shortly have a legal right to come and live in the UK. They seem to have usurped Asylum Seekers as the target for bile in the right wing press. The Daily Mail has several immigration related stories on their website this morning

The recurrent theme is that "immigrants are bad". We are encouraged to begrudge immigrants the right to free treatment in A&E departments in one of the Daily Mail stories. The Mail are telling me that if someone moves to the UK, perfectly legally, from Romania to work, perfectly legally, contributing to the UK economy and GDP, they should be denied healthcare if they get run over? The Mail gloats

Migrants who go to A&E will be billed between £20 and £100 for a consultation, on top of the cost of their treatment – with staff presenting chip-and-pin machines at their bedsides.

Whilst I am sure that many Mail readers will be bashing one out in an excited frenzy at such news, I find it appalling. For many years the bogeymen of the right were Asylum Seekers. I often wonder what spin the Daily Mail would have put on the biblical story of Joseph and Mary taking the baby Jesus to Egypt, to escape Herod's Slaughter of the innocents. Here is my stab at how the Cairo Daily Mail (circa 0AD) may have covered the story (we must of course recall that the Daily Mail has a bit of history for being anti semitic, supporting Hitler in the 1930's). Something like this?

The Cairo Daily Mail has uncovered an incredible story of dodgy Asylum seekers from Israel. It wasn't so long ago that the Jews were only too keen to turn their back on Egyptian hospitality, under the radical cleric Moses. Now it seems the Land of Milk and Honey isn't so sweet. The Cairo Daily Mail was shocked to learn of the story of a Mr Joseph Davidson, a Jew from Bethlehem, who recently arrived in Cairo. Customs officials found a large amount of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh in his position. Mr Davidson claimed that "Three Kings had turned up from the East and given it to his son". On questioning, it transpired that the woman Mary, travelling with Mr Davidson wasn't actually his wife. When questioned Mr Davidson admitted that the baby wasn't even his child. He told customs officials that "an Angel of the Lord nipped round, whilst I was making a table for Avi Cohen". When questioned as to how he could believe such a cock and bull story , Mr Davidson said "I had a dream where an Angel told me it was OK". Customs officials are currently testing the large stash of Frankincense, to see if it actually something stronger.

When asked why he'd brought his 'family' to Cairo, Mr Davidson said that the angel of the Lord had told him to escape persecution by King Herod, whilst him and his girlfriend were squatting in a barn with the baby. When customs officials asked why King Herod would be bothered about a carpenter and his mistress, Mr Davidson replied that he was scared because the baby was the rightful king of the Jews. Mr Davidson explained that King Herod and his army were terrified that the baby would kick them out of their palace. Customs officials suggested that maybe Mr Davidson was more concerned with undercutting local tradesmen and taking advantage of the Egyptian medical and social security systems.

Ever since lax border controls were brought in under the left wing administration of Cleopatra, Egypt has been swamped with foreigners. There are no longer proper border controls, allowing the likes of Davidson to turn up and simply live here, taking jobs from skilled Cairo craftsmen. Doubtless this baby will put a further strain on the oversubscribed Cairo schools and Mary will soon be off looking for other "Angels" whilst Mr Davidson is round fixing the Pharoah's table leg. Whilst the story of "Dodgy Davidson" and his "modern family" will soon be forgotten, Egypt will be permanently ruined by these dodgy foreigners and asylum seekers if something isn't done.


Nothing really changes, does it?

No comments: