One thing I've learned is that you form a bond with other members of the club. It's like when I had a VW camper van. As you are driving along, if you see another camper van, you wave or flash you lights. With cancer, it is the same. If there's another sufferer, you don't need to explain. When you talk, you can speak openly and freely. You don't get asked the wrong questions. People who've not been through the mill, simply do not understand what it is like. Kate is in the early stages, when it is overwhelming. What has been truly awful has been the media circus around her health, the conspiracy theories have been horrible. I was completely baffled by the furore about the photoshopped picture. I photoshop pictures all the time, put filters on them etc, to make them look better or more interesting. We have old photo's of the family that had to some degree perished. During lockdown, I cleaned them up. So what? Why shouldn't Kate want to look good? Now she has been forced to go public. I hope the press leave her alone. I doubt they will
If Kate did want to come for a beer and curry, or a cup of tea and a chat in studio reception, what would I say to her? A lot of what you say when you chat to another person on the cancer journey is very spontanious. You simply cannot predict what they will be struggling with. Often it is highly irrational. For me, my biggest fear was that my missus would leave with the milkman, when I became permanently impotent following surgery. Luckily I am not, and she assurred me that was the last thing that would happen, but it did make me seriously consider declining treatment. When I opted for surgery, which hopefully will be a permanent cure, she was actually relieved and overjoyed. She felt that any sexual imparement was a small price to pay for having me around (I know, she's mad, that's why I love her). I am sure Kate will have similar dark thoughts about the future.
I made the decision to be completely open and honest about my situation and write a blog about the progression of my cancer story. I would urge Kate to consider doing the same. Not because I have a salacious interest in her problems, but there are huge benefits. The first is that it is truly cathartic to write. I have no doubt at all that it has helped me. Maybe for Kate, a diary or a book might be better given the media frenzy around her, but just putting your thoughts and fears down helps. The second benefit is that it would encourage others to talk. Isolation and the thought "no one else understands what I am going through" is a powerful thing to do. The third is that it will give her the opportunity to control the narrative. If she puts it out there, there is nothing for the press to speculate about. I get that her kids are young and he wants to protect them. I've been on the other side of that. My mother was told that she had a terminal prognosis and had a maximum of three years to live in 1970. No one told me. I was told by a cousin that she was going to die and I'd be put in the orphanage, when I was staying with them whilst she was being operated on. It was devastating. I was seven. I asked my Dad as he was driving me to see my mum. He burst into tears, nearly crashed and then told me that the prognosis wasn't good, but he believed that with prayer, she'd come through (amazingly she did). He also told me that whilst he was alive, I'd never live anywhere but with him at home. Kids are cruel. That is the truth. I told my kids that I had cancer, but it was treatable and I'd be a round for a long time. It was the truth. What would I have told them if the prognosis was not that good? The truth, but in a slightly sugar coated fashion. Everyone has different considerations and it is for Kate and William to decide what works best for them. I just hope she still has a friendship group that can support her. Joining the Royal family puts her in a goldfish bowl.
And finally on the subject, what really strikes me is just how immature we are as a society when it comes to discussing cancer. I don't know anyone who hasn't been affected by cancer in some way. When we are told XXXXXX has cancer, the first assumption is that they are doomed. This is not true. It sounds to me like Kate's disease has been caught early and is most likely treatable. Screening for common cancers like breast and prostate cancer is the way to give yourself the best prognosis. I'd love to see Kate say that, when she is ready and in her own time. The first thing though, is for her to get her head around the whole thing. It isn't easy. Give her the time and space to do it.
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About Rog T's cancer blog.
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