Death has been on my mind over the last couple of weeks. Not because there is anything wrong with me, but I had to have a CT scan and it always makes me feel morbid. I am not worried about death, although I am not looking forward to the process that gets us there. It seems to me that there are three choices, the first is a sudden event, where you have no time to prepare. An accident etc. I don't fancy this much, although in some ways it is the least bad. The second is a horrible long illness, with lots of pain, but at least you have time to prepare, can't say that appeals. The third? Dementia, where your mind departs before the body. Is this the worst of three bad options? I suppose that in this day and age, there is also the nuclear annihilation option. In that option, possibly death is better than survival, but I don't fancy that either.
But my worries about death are far more mundane. The things that keep me awake at night are perhaps a little bit strange. Anyway, here they are.
1. What will happen to my guitars? I suspect my family have no idea of the value of them. It is a nightmare that they will give them to a jumble sale. when they are worth thousands of pounds. I really hope they check them out and get a proper price for them.
2. My comic collection, like my guitars, my missus thinks that they are a pile of rubbish, but are probably worth somewhere between £2-£5k. They need cataloging and sorting, but I have some good stuff in the cupboard.
3. My vinyl collection. Again, I suspect that the family have no idea of the value. I sincerely hope they catalog them and go through discogs. I have nightmares about them going in the bin.
4. My blog. Unlike the first three items, the nine million words here have no intrinsic value. What happens to blogs when you die? Do they just sit there until, at some point in the future, Google switches it off and you are erased from the face of the earth? I am not comparing myself to the great bard William Shakespeare, but I do wonder if he ever dreamed his works would still be performed across the globe centuries later? Will someone in the distant future, find this blog and think "My word, they worried about some strange things in 2025". I suspect that it will simply all just be forgotten, except by AI Bots that trawl the web for info on Barnet. Perhaps a fate worse than death, my efforts lining the pockets of the likes Elon Musk?
5. My music. I think I've written some cracking tunes. I had an extensive collection of songs on Myspace and they all got wiped by Myspace in a mishap. Sadly, I can't find most of the masters right now. They are in a box in cupboard somewhere. As I mentioned in a blog this week, one of the tracks we recorded in 1982 and I'd long forgotten about, turned up on a CD collection of 1980's music with female singers. It seems that once music is out there, it can develop a life of its own. If anything of me is remembered after I go, I do hope it is my music.
6. My funeral. One thing I hate about funerals is how nice everyone is about the corpse. The idea that everyone will be sipping sherry saying what a lovely man I was actually rather disturbs me. Never get me to write your eulogy. I enjoy the naughty bits in peoples histories,the bits they'd rather not have read out.
7. My studios. I have an ethos and I believe in supporting young musicians. To me that is more important than being rich. I doubt that whatever happens, Londons musicians will have such an advocate. I care and it bothers me.
8. My garden. I love my garden. As old Mill Hillians move out, their homes are being bought by people wanting to develop and turn a quick buck. Gardens are destroyed. It breaks my heart to see trees and bushes chopped down and horrible paving put in. Although the M1 is not everyones idea of a good thing, the marginal area between the M1 and my garden is a haven for wildlife. Sadly, there are less and less trees etc for birds to shelter in as greedy bastards clear their gardens and build illegal dwellings on them.
9. My wife. She's brighter than me, nicer than me and I am sure she'll be absolutely fine, but I worry about scammers relieving her of my valuable possessions for less than they are worth. I am also pretty sure that when I'm gone, she'll suddenly realise how much better life is without me moaning and grumping.
10. My kids. They'll be fine, but I worry like hell about them. That is my biggest worry, I put it last, as I think you could guess that anyway and its a bit boring really
I do hope I live long enough for The False Dots next gigs ! There's no real reason I shouldn't that I know about anyway
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