Are you happy? Now of course, none of us can be happy all of the time. All sorts of things can derail our happiness. A good friend of mine has one of their adult children in hospital at the moment, and at such moments, I would guess that happiness is impossible. But for most of us, happily such moments are passing obstacles. I have always felt that my default setting is happy. I work very hard at keeping that true. I have always tried to share that with my friends and family. My wife was very cross with me on Friday. I went out and bought some very expensive beef. I then organised a barbecue with our children and local nephews. It was a wonderful night. We drank and ate far too much, but such balmy, warm evenings are fairly rare, so it seemed to good an opportunity to miss. I have friends who's default setting is miserable. Some people are never happier than when they are moaning. They seek out things to be unhappy about and revel in the misery that it brings them. If there was a door marked "enter for misery and despair" I would avoid it like the plague, but I am sure some of my mates would march in and revel in it. What has always intrigued me is the way that some people work so hard at being miserable, getting angry and finding reasons to pick arguments.
What always intrigues me, is that on the rare occasion that I challenge them, they always give me a thousand reasons why I am lucky and they have a life of woe. My view is that when you get to sixty years old, any good or bad things in your life (apart from health, war and the taxman) are there because to some extent you have chosen to have them there. I have no idea why some of us choose to see the glass as half full and some always see it as half empty. My Dad once advised me "Never worry about whether the glass is half empty or half full, what you really need to worry about is whether you have enough in your wallet to buy the next drink". I laughed, but he explained "No, I am serious. Always have something to look forward to. It might be the next pint, it might be the next holiday, it might be your birthday party. But always have something that makes you happy on the horizon". If you've got something to look forward to in life, the mundane drudgery always seems easier.
The second lesson I learned, when it comes to happiness, is that some people drag you down and make you miserable. I think of them as psychic vampires or energy voids. I am not talking about people who are just a bit dour and glass half full. There are some people who can suck all of the energy and life out of a room full of people. It took me a long, long time to realise that such people do it as a deliberate policy. It is bad enough when they are part of a friendship group, but it is a thousand times worse when you work with them and they have a degree of power over you. I have generally been lucky, but twice in my life, I've had managers who were deliberately nasty and destructive. What really shocked me, was that they choose their moments well. When I was at BT, my then boss waited until my Father passed away unexpectedly to pounce. They then went in hard and did everything they could to undermine me in the eyes of my colleagues. I was at an emotional low, but I am a strong person. I did not take it, but I realised that even though the job was in some ways a perfect job for me, with great prospects, I couldn't be around that person, so I left and took a worse job elsewhere. When I left, I could not have been happier. I only realised the burdon of hate and vitriol I was carrying as a result of their behaviour. If someone is making you unhappy, and the problem cannot be fixed, then extracate yourself from the situation, even if there is a financial penalty.
The third lesson, the one which seems impossible in the year 2026 is to give yourself time to relax and appreciate the beauty in the world. With the internet, mobile phones, AI queries, Facebook..... it is so easy to get wrapped up in the virtual universe. What I have noticed is that just about every social media platform has a very dark underbelly. In X.COM/Twitter it is trolls that seek to spread misery and hatred. On Facebook it is paid adverts that push things you don't want to solve problems you don't have. On Whatsapp groups it is finding out that people you like have obnoxious views. My advice is to put own the phone, chill out and reconnect with the Sun, the sky, the trees and flowers in our gardens and streets. Enjoy the sunshine, enjoy the snow. Set yourself slots to do stuff online and set yourself slots where you are not worrying about all of that sort of thing. It can be hard, but appreciate the natural world. I see so many people walking their dogs, not paying attention to the lovely parks and open spaces, getting cross when their dog doesn't get a move on. Dogs live a very Zen life. We can learn a lot from them!
Anyway, have a great Sunday. I am going out in the garden to enjoy the sunshine and to chill with a cold glass of iced tea! I have a lovely garden, I made this video with footage from it and a track by The False Dots about fifteen years ago. Connie Abbe is singing.
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