Theresa "Tessie" Fanning - A celebration of her life - By Rita Fanning and her family

 (Ed Note - Today marked the funeral of Theresa 'Tessie' Fanning. A much loved and missed member of the Barnet community, a long term resident of Mill Hill,  and later September Court and Leadbetters (care establishments run by Barnet Council). Tessie was well known to older members of the Sacred Heart community in Mill Hill and more recently around the Friern Barnet area where she lived. Sadly she recently succumbed to a covid infection. The family were keen to celebrate her life and share this beautiful eulogy, delivered by Rita Fanning and contributed to by her brothers and sisters, as many who would have normally attended the service were unable. We have also included the live Youtube broadcast of the service)

Theresa was a light of joy in our lives. As a youngster her love was absolute, her sense of fun infectious, and her energy a spark for our family. I was aged 11 when my sister was born. I loved my baby sister, who seemed to stay at the baby stage for a very long time. She was cuddly and smiley and had a very sweet nature, and sometimes showed a very endearing stubborn streak. She was adored by all. She was a very “special” child.

As the ninth child in a family of ten children she was patient, but also feisty, as she learned to stand her corner with her teasing brothers. Teasing was a way of including her in our family. Her names included Theresa Bernadette Anne, Esmerelda, Tessie, Tess, Tessa, Urs, Bun (short for Bernadette) Tesspot, Little Flower, My Darling, Cabbages and Albert. When the teasing got too much she could be heard saying ‘’Oh Gregory! Stop it! The teasing was all done with much love and affection. Mary would watch and would be amazed at Theresa’s patience.

Gregory said ‘When I think of Tessie, I see the little baby that pierced her father’s heart, with those beautiful smiling eyes and her cheeky little tongue. I spent the first 5 years of my life, every single day, with Tessie. As we grew up, she was my play mate. We played football in the garden; she honed my goalkeeping skills. We played board games together, we played boxing, we played wrestling.  Tessie was always ‘Big Daddy’ and I was ‘Giant Haystack’ I used to be the one who had to go and collect tea towels, hand towels and bath towels so Tessie could spend the afternoon ‘making beds’, giving our mum some much needed respite to watch a film.

Gregory continues, “As I went to school aged 5, Tessie started nursery, taking her nappy in her satchel. I will never hear the name ‘Flower Lane’ without thinking ‘Tessie’. She used to sit in the window seat at home waiting for the bus to come. Heaven help us if it was late! As for snow! Well, the air really turned blue!” Tessie had her first boyfriend Jonathan at Flower Lane school. Of course, she had many other “boyfriends” Cliff Richard, who came to Flower Lane and sang “Congratulations”, Father Corkery, Father Smythe, Father Jeremy and just about any priest. She would hug and tell each one ‘You are my ‘favourite’!

Yes, she was teased with fish bone and tomato skin pie, and songs like ‘there’s No business like ‘Snow Business’ or simply asking her if she wanted a ‘ham burglar?’ (she was frightened of burglars), she would just put her hand out in front of her face and say –' noooo!’ (Later she would use bad language that cannot be repeated in Church! However, that just added to her loveliness.)

She retained so much innocence as she grew up and was always sincere and authentic and was central to her family at home. Despite her special needs she had a strong sense of right and wrong. Being double jointed she could do the splits and often sat in the lotus position like a Buddha well into her 50’s. Her constitution was good and she outlived most of her peers. She learnt to write with the help of her teacher Miss Miller. Theresa was able to recognise her name and towards the end of her life enjoyed finding the letter ‘T’ for Tess.

 

Eventually she found her own life in community. She was well liked by carers and housemates alike.  We remember the happiness she knew at ‘New Fieldways’ where she met her boyfriend George and enjoyed a busy social life.

As she moved to ‘September Court’ and later to ‘Leadbeaters’ we were impressed by the devotion and affection of many of her carers - like Georgia and Michelle - who have happy memories of spending time with her - even as she started to fade.

Michelle said she was a delight to be with, Theresa often teased her, or helped organise what they were doing (usually a trip to a pub or for a meal). She remembers Theresa hugging her after nearly every dinner and saying ‘You’re the best cook’ and ‘this is my favourite’ – made all the more fun by knowing she said it to whoever had cooked that day!

Many people Loved Theresa. Mrs Morrisey, a lady in the parish, would have her to stay over weekends to give my parents a break. Her keyworker Georgia and her cousin Roger became surrogate family members. Georgia, as Theresa’s dementia worsened, would accompany Theresa to family parties and weddings. Roger took Theresa to Lourdes. He became her ‘Favourite cousin’!!

Theresa did not teach us directly, but we learned so much about life and people from her sunshine and her love of life. Good bye dear Theresa and thank you for everything, ‘Little Flower of the Morning’.  We look forward to seeing you again but for now be at peace with your Mum and Dad and brother in your heavenly home.

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Please note that guest blogs are always welcome at The Barnet Eye. We believe it is important to celebrate all members of our community

Tessie Fanning RIP

Last week we saw the passing of my cousin Tessie Fanning. Tessie sadly succumbed to covid in the Royal Free.  After her passing we held an on line wake. I didn't really know too much of the story of Tessie's early years. Tessie was born with Downs syndrome a few months after my parents had me. She was the ninth of my mothers brother Jimmy and his wife Josie's children. Almost immediately the doctors identified that there was something different about Tessie and by the time Jimmy arrived a Downs diagnosis had been arrived at.  

One of her elder brothers told how initially my Uncle Jimmy was so upset that he couldn't even look at Tessie, not able to deal with the news. The story goes that he was sent to check on her by Aunty Josie. When he entered the room, she gave him the biggest smile and his heart melted. After that he had a special bond with Tessie. I've got to confess that when we were kids, I didn't really know what to make of Tessie. I was more interested in playing football with her brother Greg who was a year older than me and who was at my school. In truth, I felt a bit jealous of Tessie when I was very small. She was allowed to get away with being naughty. At Church she would invade the alter to say hello to the priest. She would shout out to her brothers when they were alter servers. My Mum and Dad would, rather patronisingly, say "Oh Tessie is the happiest of the lot of us". In some ways it was true. When Tessie was born there were few serious efforts to integrate Downs children into mainstream education or even give them any sort of education. It was suggested to Jimmy and Josie that 'she'd be happier in a home' when she was born. As they had nine children already, I can only salute them for not giving in to the pressure. 

Everything Tessie did was 'special'. She went to a 'Special school'. She had 'special' friends. I got a better insight into what Tessie was about when I was nine, I went to Lourdes with my Dad for a holiday, as we did every year. He made friends with a couple who had an adult son with Downs syndrome. I was confused. I was told that he was 25 but had a mental age of seven (a concept I couldn't get my head around). I was told to play with him and keep him amused. His name was Stephen and he was a really good laugh. He liked football and collected various sorts of cards such as football and car cards that were popular at the time. I was told he was 'quite high achieving' for a Downs person, a concept I didn't get at all. He could walk around, make decisions, knew what he wanted and was 'well behaved'. As we approached bars, that was always the question 'Is he well behaved?'. He was and we had a great time. I couldn't get my head around the fact that he was both and adult and younger than me. After we got back I discussed this with my Dad. He told me that because Tessie was more naughty, it was harder for her parents to take her to such places. I realised that just because someone had Downs syndrome, they were just as individual as anyone else. It was an important lesson. I think Stephen helped me appreciate that Tessie was just different and different isn't such a bad thing, is it?

Tessie was always at family events. When she became a teenager, she learned a very important talent. She learned to swear. If someone annoyed her she'd tell them to F... Off in no uncertain terms. As was the way for our family back then, I'd spend time hanging around at Gregs house and he'd spend time at mine. We'd play board games at his place. If Tessie was around she played, we'd play things like Snakes and Ladders, which were games of chance and Tessie loved them. We'd often cheat so she'd win, which she'd get most excited about. If she lost, she'd accuse the winner of cheating. Greg would mercilessly wind her up, referring to her as Albert, which she hated, but she'd give as good as she got. 

As Jimmy and Josie got older, it became clear that she'd need to move to a more suitable environment. She was housed at a hostel with other Downs adults. Tessie had her own mind. Some of the staff loved her and some thought she was a troublemaker. She lead a full life, attending all manner of classes and events. She represented Barnet at The Special Olympics in Sheffield. She liked being around people and the hostel meant she had friends. She was actively involved in many of the events that Barnet hosted for people with special needs. A couple of times I'd turn up at the Town Hall and bump into Tessie who was part of a delegation meeting some visiting dignitary. 

When Jimmy and Josie passed away,  Tessie was lucky to have nine brothers and sisters to care for her. They made sure she attended all family events and was made a fuss of. They also kept an eye on her care. One of Tessie's brothers, Jim Junior was a Catholic Priest. Jim was a great friend of mine and a guest blogger here. As regular readers of this blog will know, I got involved with a charity called HCPT at the turn of the Century. The organisation takes people with need of assistance to Lourdes in France staying at a purpose built hostel in Bartres. When my mum had a stroke in 2001, I would take her every year. This gave my family the chance to get repairs and maintenance done to her flat, without disturbing her. She loved going and I loved spending time with her. When my Mum died in 2008, Jim junior suggested that I take Tessie instead. I was delighted at the idea. Tessie was a good laugh and I knew she'd enjoy the break from the routine. I'd only really seen Tessie at family events since she'd moved from the family house and I thought it would be good to catch up.

What I found was the Tessie was as much of a handful as ever. She knew what she wanted and what she didn't want.  When we picked her up, she told me that I was her favourite cousin. She told everyone something similar. But we bonded. She'd throw a strop if I didn't sit at her table at dinner, push her wheel chair or get her a cup of tea. Often she'd be throwing a strop and I'd just walk up and say "Tessie let's have a cup of tea and a biscuit" and she'd smile and say "alright". 

 Her party piece was singing "A bicycle made for two". Sometimes I'd tease her and get told to "F... off", but two minutes later she'd be smiling again.

   

We took Tessie up to Gavarnie, which is near the Spanish border. There were horses for hire. Tessie said that she'd like to ride one. Everyone was terrified, but I figured that if she wanted to, we'd make it happen. She wasn't small and getting her on the horse was a challenge, but we did it. She absolutely loved it. I took pictures on my iPad and Tessie would tell everyone 'Thats me on a horse' showing them the picture. Most days we'd nip to the bar. If I wasn't on driving duties I'd have a beer. Tessie would have an Orangina or a hot chocolate depending on her mood. She'd tease me that I was drunk, especially after I once drank a Formidable, which is a litre glass of beer. For two days she'd go around saying "my cousin is DRUNK", which gave everyone  a good laugh. I only shut her up by telling her that if I was drunk, I couldn't push her wheelchair and one of the ladies would have to (Tessie didn't like ladies pushing the chair).

Tessie had a great time and it was agreed that next time she came, her eldest sister Rita would accompany her as well. I didn't really know Rita properly. By the time I was a teenager, she had left home and has grown up children. I assumed that with Rita around, Tessie would be a bit less naughty, but she was quite happy to give Rita the run around. But we all had a fantastic time. 

My fondest memory of Tessie was closer to home. She lived in Friern Barnet and back in 2012, we had a massive campaign to Save Friern Barnet Library. On the 14th December, there was a party to celebrate the official success of the campaign. Occupy had taken over the library and my band, The False Dots headlined the party celebrating the end of the Occupation. I asked Tessie to come down with her younger sister Joanna. A friend video'd the hastily arranged set that the band played. You can see Tessie boogieing into the night. As this line up of the band hadn't played together before and had a single rehearsal, it wasn't the most together set, but it was a great night and that didn't matter. It was great to see Tessie having a ball. We made a fuss of her. Everyone knew her.

Tessie would come away with us every year, until the early onset of dementia made this impossible. What was tragic for me was that as covid brought the curtain down, I couldn't get around to see her. Last week, we learned that she had Covid. It really was only a matter of time. She passed away last Thursday. 

We had a hastily arranged Zoom wake in the evening and exchanged all manner of memories. I owe Tessie a lot. Whatever she was or wasn't, she taught me what humanity really is. Her brother Jim told me story that really put it in perspective. After her Mum died (her Dad had died a few years before), the family had to meet to decide what to do with the Estate. Jim said there had been a debate as to whether it would be appropriate for Tessie to attend, as it was to discuss finances and other arrangements. As is the way with our Irish gene's, Fannings have strong opinions and feisty natures and there were several disagreements about details. Jim said that as people started to get hot under the collar, Tessie suddenly announced "STOP IT MUM WOULDN'T LIKE YOU ARGUING". Everyone instantly realised that Tessie had spoken a truth that had escaped the rest of them. That was Tessie, she took no bullshit and despite whatever constraints she had, she ensured she said her piece. I will miss her.  When the tears have dried, I will always remember Tessie being there for the best of times. Dancing to the Dots, smiling and being mischievous. 

Tessie Fanning RIP