How Rupert the Bear changed my world and the art of being a lousy parent

I'm a lousy parent. It is a wonder that any of my kids still speak to me. When they were young, they found me to be the most embarrassing parent ever. Whilst their mates parents had nice comfy BMW 7 Series motors, which shined immaculately, we had a beaten up old Ford Mondeo, where the red had faded to a rather salmon coloured pink. Whilst their Dad's would have nice sensible jobs like accountancy and sensible hobbies like golf, I ran a music studio and played guitar in a band. Worse still, I didn't play in some nice respectable band, I played guitar in a punk rock band that wrote naughty lyrics and didn't sound anything like Steps or S-Club 7. When their friends came to the house, they might hear songs with naughty words in played at volumes they'd never experienced. When Manchester City were on TV, family life stopped. When they needed help with homework, I'd say "If I do it you won't learn anything and I don't care if you come bottom of your class, I always did" 

My wife has a burdensome life. I made it 100% clear that I abhor washing up, housework, hoovering and washing. I used to pay someone to do all of this. I made it 100% clear that I wouldn't change. This is not a sexist thing. It has nothing to do with misogyny. I'm just lazy and hate it and if I was single I would be the same. I made her a promise that I'd everything I could to make her happy, treat her to lovely dinners at the best restaurants and cook her the best dinners at home, take her on the finest holidays, throw myself in front of a bullet for her. Just don't ask me to wash dishes or hoover up. I'm happy to pay for someone to do it. My kids, very correctly soon ascertained I was a slob and they do not like that fact at all.

When my wife informed me that she wanted kids, my response was "Ok, but you have to do all the work in raising them". Now this may sound rather selfish and it was. As a concession, I agreed to stop playing football for Hendon old boys on a Saturday, for a year whilst our first baby was little. Even a lazy git like me realises that parents need some rest and respite. I'd encourage her to go out with her mates and enjoy herself. I'd sit in with the baby and spin punk rock records. I didn't mind changing nappies and plonking bottles in the baby's gob on occasion. I quite like babies, especially when they are asleep. They are perfect companions. I suspect my kids can sleep through anything. 

Unfortunately, all of my kids take after their mum and are exceptionally bright. Within six months, my eldest was talking and demanding conversations. By the time she was two, she was cleverer than me. My wife plays in the BBC Elstree concert band. On a Monday, I'd be left with the kids when she went to rehearsals. My second daughter is 18 months younger. So I had a super inquisitive two year old and a cute baby. The challenge was to entertain them between 6.30pm when my wife left for rehearsals and get them in bed for 8pm, when the Monday nigh football started. As my wife was always in a rush on a Monday, she said "You feed her".

I struggled to work out how best to address this. One thing I really hate is the sort of slop that are widely accepted as "kids meals". So we developed a ritual. We'd plonk the baby in the buggy, walk down to M&S and choose three things each that would make up our dinner. It would not be fish fingers and beans. It would be smoked salmon, prawns, avocado etc, sun dried tomatoes. There may be a cake or bun in there, but neither I nor my daughter have a sweet tooth so, it was rare (this sounds very middle class and I am sure it is, but I see nothing wrong with enjoying nice grub if you possibly can).

We'd then lay out a rug on the floor, put Happy Trails by The Quicksilver Messenger Service on the record player, light a candle and tuck in. This still left about 30 minutes to spare. So I came up with a brilliant ruse to keep her quiet. I bought her a scrap book and we'd cut the Rupert The Bear cartoons, which were printed in black and white in, then she would colour them in. I still have the scrapbook. The first attempts were just like a chimpanzee might do, but over the course of a year or two, they became better, until they were perfectly coloured. When her sister became big enough, she got a scrapbook and we'd do the same with Garfield cartoons. The ritual was we'd return from the shops. They'd do the colouring, I'd get dinner ready, we'd sit on the floor, listen to the record, then they'd go off to bed, as the football began. In truth, it was one of the best times of my life. It was not some cunning plan to educate them. However, when they went to school, they were brilliant artists. My eldest daughter has a degree in fine art and the other did the painting at the top of the page. 

One thing they both developed, was a love of drawing. When I look at them now, I am proud of them. Not of me, any good things they do in life will have little to do with me, beyond having been raised with a roof over their heads and food on their plates. Strangely, these days they enjoy the music I play and appreciate that the money I didn't spend on a BMW meant we had some amazing holidays. They like the fact that our studio is a key part of the London music scene. They still nag me and moan about being a lazy git. 

A few months ago, I mentioned the fact to my eldest daughter that I was a lousy parent. What she said surprised me. She said "You used to be so embarrassing, but I realised that all of my friends used to love coming around our house, because we always have fun. If we made a mess or were noisy it wasn't a problem". And it made me realise that in fact, I am not quite as bad a parent as I thought. To me, the primary job of a parent is to keep your kids, clothed, fed, housed and happy. To my surprise and largely thanks to my wonderful wife, we somehow managed to do that. It's a bleeding miracle in truth.

Rog T Cancer Blog - The PSA test results are in and .....

 So today, I received the results of my latest PSA Test. The previous one in October 2022 had been 6.6 and seen a small decrease, so I was feeling fairly good about it all. That was until I had an MRI scan in mid March. The news wasn't what I hoped. It seemed that a small area had turned malignent. UCH, who are responsible for my care scheduled a PSA test and I received the numbers this morning. It was not what I was hoping for at all. It is now 10.3, an almost 50% increase on last October. It is clear now that things are starting to move in a direction that I am not particularly comfortable with. 

But, I have to be pleased that this has been detected at an early stage and hopefully, the treatment options will be ones that are not too disruptive, life changing or unpleasant. In life, we all have challenges, we all have crosses to bear and I genuinely believe that eevn in the most dire of situations, there are postives we can take out of them. When I was diagnosed in 2011, I made various lifestyle changes. I believe these have given me an enormous benefit. I have taken far better care of myself over the last 12 years. I also became aware of the need to manage my mental health and not get down. Writing this blog has been a big part of that. It has been good to meet people who tell me it has helped.

On a practical note, there are all manner of things which such things make you do. We sorted our wills out before I had treatment in 2016. I will also be sorting out a lasting power of attourney, in the event something bad happens. This is unlikely, but for anyone of 60 or above, it is a sensible step. No one is immortal and it is always sensible to have your affairs in order. My life is not in immediate danger, I am not being over dramatic, just doing what I always do when news is not how I want. I do a quick audit of everything and make sure that the house is in order. More sensible people than me do this as a matter of course anyway, I need a kick in the backside.

I always think of something my father said to me. He said "In life, we always have choices. Sometimes none of the options are pleasant, but when you choose the least unpleasant, thank the Lord that the most unpleasant isn't your only option". I'm going to have a rather unpleasant procedure (a prostate biopsy) and I'm going to most likely have an unpleasant medical follow up procedure (yet to be determined). Not great, but if I'd not had that PSA test in 2011, I'd have learned some time in 2017-18, when I started to observe symptoms. At that point, the cancer would have spread and my options would have been very limited. 

That is why I always urge every man over 50 to get checked. I wrote this song with the False Dots on the subject.

The False Dots · Dont be scared of a finger up your bum

---- About this feature
For those of you who are regular readers and have read the previous posts on Cancer, there's what this is all about. I write this blog because knowledge is power and if you know what you are dealing with, you have more weapons in the locker to fight it. It is a personal view, I'm not medically qualified. This is for the sole purpose of information for those who are interested.This is the latest installment in my occasional series about how I'm adjusting to living with a big C in my life.  For those of you who aren't, here's a quick summary. I'm 59 years old and in October 2011 I  had a prostate biopsy following two "slightly high" PSA tests - 2.8 & 4.1. The biopsy took ten tissue samples and one of these showed a "low grade cancer" which gave me a 3+3 on the Gleason scale. I was put on a program of active monitoring.  In early February, I got the results of the a PSA test - down to 3.5 and an MRI scan which found absolutely nothing, two more tests in 2012 were at 3.5 and 3.9, in 2013 my test was 4.0, Jan 2014 was 3.8, August 2014 was 4.0,  February 2015 it was  up to 5.5  and my latest in August 2015 was down again at 4.6. In October 2015 I had a transperinial Prostate biopsy, that revealed higher grade cancer and my Gleason score was raised to 3+4 (Small mass + more aggressive cancer). On 22nd Jan 2016 I had HIFU (Hi Intensity Focused Ultrasound) treatment at UCHL). My post procedure PSA in May was 4.0 which was down, followed by 3.7 in August, and 3.5 in October  which means that the direction is positive . However in January the follow up MRI revealed "something unusual which requires investigation" After a follow up biopsy, it appeared this was nothing to worry about. My two most recent PSA tests were Ok (3.7 and 4.6) and an MRI scan in March was very positive. A  PSA in October 2019 was 4.6, so stable and good news, the last in May 2020 was 5.45 a small rise, so worrying, however after a review against the most recent MRI, it was decided that this was fine. My two latest ones in February 2022 was 6.7 and October 2022 was 6.6 was stable. My MRI in March 2022 showed 'a change' so I am now awaiting a biopsy. I had a biobsy in late March which also showed a marked increase to 10.3.
 I've no symptoms apart from needing to wee quite regularly and sadly for a few people, if I'm gonna die soon, it won't be from Prostate cancer. Got the picture?

Do misogynist bullies have really small dicks?

 It's a rhetorical question. Please do not send me pictures, one way or the other to prove me right or wrong. Having said that, I've always been someone who sticks up for my friends, even if they are Facebook/Twitter friends. I hate bullies. Always have and always will. Recently, I've seen more and more examples of really nasty, toxic attacks on female friends on Twitter and Facebook. This is really widespread but I will stick to a couple of examples. When I first stood as a Lib Dem candidate in 2010, I came across Brent Lib Dem councillors Alison Hopkins. Alison is what I consider to have been, in many ways, a perfect Lib Dem local councillor. A local who got involved because she wanted to improve her area. What I particularly like about Alison is she is quite blunt and quite funny. What I particularly like about Alison is that she has no truck with racists and misogynists and takes no prisoners when engging with trolls. However, the abuse she seems to get is quite sickening. Have a look at some of what she has to out up with, if you are interested - twitter.com/Hopkins_Alison/with_replies

Another Twitter friend is Lorraine King, who happens to be black and is a writer for The Daily Mirror. Like Alison (who she exchanges much banter with), she is more than capable of sticking the boot into racists and misogynists, who clearly seem to have nothing better to do than spend their life posting idiotic comments with the sole point of upsetting her. Again have a look if you want to see what she puts up with  - twitter.com/lorrainemking/with_replies

As I follow them, on occasion their jousts pop up on my timeline. What I find really interesting is that when I've felt the need to stick my oar into the Trolls, to stick up for people I like, the twats never come back at me. It seems that whilst they are more than happy to bully women, they feel far more reticent picking fights with a bloke. This is a pattern anyone who has seen bullies in any walk of life will be familiar with. Bullies always pick fights with people who they think won't fight back.

I recall a situation in Edgware in the early 1980's, where Nazi skinheads decided to ttack young Jewish kids on a night out in Edgware. What they didn't take into account was that some of the Jewish kids had brothers who'd been in the Israeli army and Dads who had spent decades fighting fascists. The net result was that they got comprehesively duffed up. I saw all this first hand, after a night in the Beehive. We were getting a KFC when all hell broke loose. A bunch of thugs started to attack a group of young Jewish kids, when out of nowhere a group of rather fit and very handy men stormed in and comprehensively beat the hell out of the thugs. Although I am someone who abhors violence, I couldn't help but chuckle to see such Twattery thwarted. 

Sadly on Twitter and facebook, there is no such comprehensive and decisive victory. The twats simply move on to someone they percieve as weaker.  I've studied psychology as a hobby for decades. It is always good to understand what motivates peoples behaviour and why they do the things they do. When I was at school and in the workplace, I noted that bullies are invariably rather inadequate people, who are not thriving in life. They seek to take out their frustations on those that they think they can get away with, so it is usually smaller kids, females and outsiders. Sometimes they band together to form little gangs. There is a degree of mutual support and affirmation, but it is all rather sad in reality. 

Which brings us to on line misogynistic trolls. When they take on strong and confident women such as Alison and Lorriane, they invariably lose the argument. Some skulk off. Some start pretending that they are trained killers. Some simply start a new profile and it all starts again. But sadly, as they all seem to be a bit thick, the outcome is the same. They look stupid. 

Which brings us to why. Well when I am out with friends, at a party, having dinner, watching a band, having a romantic night in, etc, the last thing I want to do is start fights with strangers on Twitter. So the first thing we conclude is that they have nothing better to do. They are sitting in their bedroom, madly bashing their keyboards. Then there is the misogynism. Why are people misogynistic? I know of no one who has been successful at having happy relationships with females who are overtly misogynist. I know quite a few guys, who act like that for a period when they are young and then learn that it gets you nowhere, if you want a successful adult relationship. In short, they grow up. Many of the trolls Alison and Lorraine have to endure are clearly not teenagers. They are grown men. There is no evidence at all on their twitter feed or anywhere else of any joy in their life at all. 

Now I posted the rather offensive title of this blog to grab your attention. Why do blokes end up sitting, on their own,  in their bedroom, night after night, looking for women to insult online? Why do they feel so embittered that that's all they can think to do? I'm sure the suggestion I made in the headline is wrong, so please enlighten me. Is there a better reason?

Water privatisation has failed the UK - Our rivers are full of $h1t!

 

When the Conservatives privatised water back in the 1980's, the argument was that this was necessary to generate the investment needed to bring the quality of the network up to a suitable standard for the 21st century. Various governments, both Tory and Labour had cut investment and it was true that the UK's water system was in a dilapidated state. The argument was that private companies access to capital and innovation would lead to a rapid upgrade of our water supplies and sewage networks. 

Here we are, nearly 40 years later and the system is in a worse state than ever. In 2022 there were more than 300,000 sewage spills into UK rivers and coastal areas. The argument that the water companies use is that this happens when there is exceptionally heavy rainfall. It cannot possibly be argued that if it is happening 300,000 times a year, it is due to upredictable or unusually heavy rain. The way this is prevented is well known. It also happens to be expensive. The sewage runs off because there is a lack of storage capacity for it. As soon as there is any heavy rain, plants are inundated and the sluice gates are opened. To prevent this, water companies need to invest serious money in sewage storage systems, that can hold the sewage, until it can be treated. This is a huge amount of sewage to be temporarily stored and the investment needed is massive. Companies make far more money, simply pumping the sewage into the natural water environment. 

There are also many issues with home owners doing bodged work that direct sewage into waterways, to cut the cost of proper drainage being installed. The water companies are meant to police this, but again are failing.

In both cases, the remedy is simple. The answer is to properly regulate and fine companies that are failing to protect waterways and habitats. Privatisation has produced huge cash generating monoliths that do not serve the UK or its population and are failing to meet their mission on every measurable goal. I suspect that one of the reasons that these companies are not properly regulated is because they would no longer generate the cash for their shareholders if they were. Rather like private rail companies, when they are forced to do the job properly, they don't make the cash and hand back the keys.

The UK need to decide whether our interests are best served by lining the pockets of shareholders or by having a clean, safe natural environment. I know which one I would want.

The tweets of the week in the London Borough of Barnet - 9th April 2023

 I've had a wonderful week, I hope you have as well. Without further ado, lets see what the Tweeters of the Borough have been up to.

1. Back in 1944, my Dad was flying Wellington Bombers for the RAF and was shot down and taken prisoner in Romania. He was taken to the burial of his rear gunner at a cemetary for allied air crew, then given hospitality by the Romanian Air Force, before being returned to the POW camp. He said that the Romanian people were the warmest, most generous people he'd ever come across, especially given that he'd been bombing them when he was shot down. It seems that the tradition continues. Happy Easter to our local Romanian Community and everyone else. Easter is a time when we are reminded that we are all one people really

Feeling like you want to taste your favourite homemade food?Come to RCCT Romanian Hub on Thursdays for a taste of “home.”Freshly made, from pot to plate only in Little Romania/Burnt Oak🇷🇴🇬🇧Thank you Patiseria Romana for all the food you donate every week! https://t.co/Pt9449Llml pic.twitter.com/urE0Ex8DLU

— RCCT Romanian Hub (@RCCTOfficial) April 8, 2023

2. I think this is a wonderful picture

Atop the Cricklewood bus

Reading radical literature never looked so good#suffragette pic.twitter.com/DwzlO9DnPQ

— Enlightened Despot 🦅👽🇨🇦🇩🇰🇸🇪 (@caulaincourt27) April 3, 2023

3. I rather like this. I used to have a Camper Van, but the Missus made me hack it in for a more sensible family car. This is a wonderful advert

With the Easter holidays almost upon us, how many people will be venturing out into the countryside in a VW camper? Back in the 1970s, Colindale was the place to come to if you wanted to buy one of these iconic vehicles....

Images from ebay. pic.twitter.com/BfubIfkvLP

— NW London TimeMachine (@time_nw) April 4, 2023

4. Reel Streets is a wonderful account, I highly recommend it to you. This is just one example of their work

There's an 'Emergency' that could involve Garard Green as he waits outside Colindale Hospital on Colindale Avenue NW9. pic.twitter.com/jH6Boacqg4

— ReelStreets (@ReelStreets) April 4, 2023

5. I also rather like Robin Morel's account, he's our local network rail track supremo, he's chronicling the rise of Brent Cross West station. I nearly did an April Fool on that. I was going to state that as Brent Cross Shopping centre was closing, it was being renamed Cricklewood North, which I actually think is a much better name!

"Build it and they will come"
2017 & 2023 #BrentCross West #Cricklewood #TrackTeam 🚧🦺 pic.twitter.com/L4cWwEaYLE

— Robin Morel 🦺 (@13milepost) April 6, 2023

6. We don't normally do politics tweets on this slot, but I do think many people will be interested to see these. I think Finchley is the most interesting. Bear in mind, these are only polls.

LATEST SEAT PREDICTION: FINCHLEY AND GOLDERS GREEN

LAB @sarahsackman GAIN FROM CON (Mike Freer MP)
MAJ: 8.6%https://t.co/0EXjB8mtMw pic.twitter.com/sBi48vj5TZ

— UK Polling Report (@PollingReportUK) April 8, 2023

LATEST SEAT PREDICTION: CHIPPING BARNET

LAB @Dan4Barnet GAIN FROM CON (Rt Hon Theresa Villiers MP)
MAJ: 28%https://t.co/cPAJiZTmME pic.twitter.com/pzgJDVJAii

— UK Polling Report (@PollingReportUK) April 5, 2023

LATEST SEAT PREDICTION: HENDON

LAB @DavidPintoD GAIN FROM CON @Offord4Hendon
MAJ: 21.6%https://t.co/M2Gdhb7HAd pic.twitter.com/kPzWaFvxJN

— UK Polling Report (@PollingReportUK) March 29, 2023

7. We agree!

Salute to @BrentPollution, @Lewis_EA_ , @Thames21, @welshharpies, @silkstreamers for reporting on state of trash screens and outfalls around Brent Reservoir this week. Misconnections still polluting wide area of the SSSI. Now @thameswater must do more. pic.twitter.com/Vyn5birqSD

— Cool Oak (@CoolOakGroup) April 7, 2023

8. This looks fun

Join us at Hendon library on Weds 12 April, for a fantastic table football competition! ⚽⚽ pic.twitter.com/U8Muk1C0uz

— Barnet libraries (@BarnetLibraries) April 9, 2023

9. Someone is in a spin at Mill HilL Music Complex!

Ooo what’s happening here! 😱🎤 @MillHillMusicCo #newmusic pic.twitter.com/WCvXSVxfSK

— Nathalie Miranda (@vocalfreaknat) April 6, 2023

10. And finally, Happy Easter!

Happy Easter (pic from @sacred_rc Mill Hill) pic.twitter.com/gmTW6kTsR7

— A Better Mill Hill 🔸🌈🇬🇧🇪🇺 (@ABetterMillHill) April 9, 2023

That's all folks!

The Saturday List #402 - My top ten home improvements

 I was amused to read a comment a few years ago from a rather snotty commentator who stated that "Only a complete saddo is over 40, lives in the home they were born in, married the girl around the corner and sends their kids to the same school they went to". This was the moment I realised I am a complete saddo. Yesterday, I celebrated my 28th Wedding Anniversary. I bought my parents house in 1987, my missus was raised around the corner in Newcombe Park. My kids went to St Vincents, where I went. My son also followed my route to FCHS, although he did rather better. 

So having lived in the same house since 1962 and having owned it since 1987, I have made a few changes around the place. I thought I'd go through these and explain the benefits.

1. 2002 - Loft Conversion. This was a massive improvement. Our house had four bedrooms, we have three children. One of the bedrooms was tiny. Our house being built in 1908, it was designated as the maids room, although we never had a maid! The house still has a bell system, so the maid can be summoned, but in truth the space was not great. We looked at the options and decided to get a loft conversion. This gave us a decent sized room with en suite shower and toilet. It gave all of the children decent sized rooms. It cost £30,000 and was money very well spent. We used a company called Sunlight lofts, who were very good and we've recommended to several friends. 

2. 2016 -  Paving the main back garden. I always said I'd never do this, but our two dogs had torn up the lawn and kept walking mud through the house. After a particularly wet spell, I gave up. We had a very nice Romanian chap next door and he offered to do the paving for £600 if we got the materials. We also had a permanent gazebo installed. The whole garden is now useable throughout the year, we no longer have mud continuallly walked around the house and during lockdown it was  Godsend. The paved area takes approx 50% of the garden, the rest is wilded, with two wildlife ponds, home to amphibians, sticklebacks and all manner of other critters. We also planted five trees to provide habitats for birds. The M1 provides a wildlife corridor on its edges and providing watering holes is a good thing to do

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Roger Tichborne (@rogtex)

3. Double glazing. One of the first things we did when we bought the house was to install double glazing. When we growing up, the house was always cold and draughty. In 1977, Dad installed gas central which was a massive improvement, but the house was still draughty and as soon as the heating went off, it got cold again. Double glazing made a big difference and reduced our energy bills. We did various bits as we could afford it. Personally, I think the govt should give grants to do this for every home in the UK, but that's another matter.

4. A new kitchen. We've actually had two kitchens. The one my parents had was one they bought cheap from an old council supplier. It is the same units as in the kitchen of the flat in Withnail and I, manufactured in Mill Hill at Lyn Products. We got a pine kitchen in about 1991. It was nice, but by 1994 looked dated, so we did it again, using our friends company, Kitchens with Elegance. Not only did we put new units in, we knocked down a wall between the kitchen and living room, to make it more open plan and light. This was a massive improvement. I'd urge anyone planning such things to think a bit out of the box and work out if your general space layout can be improved. 

5. New bathrooms. Back in about 1995, we decided we wanted nice bathrooms. We engaged Dolphin Bathrooms, as we thought they'd do a spiffing job. We wanted to replace the downstairs bath with a shower. The salesman persuaded us to have a a spa corner bath upstairs. It all looked very nice when it was done, but within a few years, all of the components fall to bits. We  had to have them all completely redone. This time we got a local builder we know, who used top quality items. It was a salutory lesson. Big companies do not necessarily mean best quality.

6. Parquet flooring in the hall. A big bugbear of mine was that when we had carpet in the hall, it always ot dirty when people walked in with dirty shoes. When we took the carpet up, I noticed that there was an attractive Parquet flooring underneath, that was in very poor repair. So we got it sanded and repaired. Unlike carpet, it is easy to clean and looks great. We've now got rid of all of the carpet, except for the stairs and landing. Wood floors are far less hassle.

7. Underfloor heating in the kitchen. When we had the kitchen redone, we had underfloor heating installed. When it is cold, this is wonderful.

8. Window shuttering. One of our dogs decided that his favourite hobby was barking at people walking past the house. It was extremely irritating. We decided that something needed doing. A friend had installed shutter blinds. This seemed a good solution. What I didn't appreciate was that in winter, this makes massive difference to the amount of cold which comes through the double glazing. Although double glazing makes a difference, the shutters keep the cold out completely. In summer, they also help keep the room cool.

9. Solar panels. In 2017, we had some spare cash. I thought about it and I decided that rather than invest in stocks and shares, I'd invest in the house and get solar panels. Our house does not have a great roof configuration for panels, but the payback was still better than a building society. The projection was a payback in 7-8 years. After a couple of years, this looked wildly optimistic, but events recently have transformed this and it was now definitely worth doing. We are now on target to hit this.

10. And finally. As I mentioned, we've planted various trees in the garden. We have two pear trees, a bay tree, a plum tree, a greenage tree and a cherry tree. In the autumn, we have plentiful supply of fresh fruit. For some reason, apple trees have not thrived, but I will try again. We also grow potatoes, cabbage, herbs and various other crops, which our friend Pat, who is a keen gardener tends for us. I'd recommend putting the space to good use if you can. 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Roger Tichborne (@rogtex)

I'd always suggest that if you have spare cash and you own your own property, you invest in improving it. Not only do you increase the value, you make your quality of life better. I believe that primarily you should view your home as a place to be happy, not an investment, but it is the biggest investment most of us will ever make. Our house is a far better place to live in than it was when I bought it. My parents also made many improvements, as I mentioned the central heating. They also added an extension and bathroom renovations. I am lucky that I bought a house in Mill Hill in 1987 when I was 25. The job market was buoyant and I saved a deposit and got a mortgage for three times my salary, that covered it. I despair that London seems to be driving young people out with its ridiculous costs. 

A very Good Friday story for your delectation

 The Sun is shining. Today is a special day for me. It is my 28th Wedding Anniversary and also my Daughters birthday. A day of celebration. It is also the most solemn day of the year for Christains. A day of fasting and abstinence for Roman Catholics. This presents a dilemma for me, as someone of faith. Do I celebrate or do I fast? For me, faith ( a very different thing to 'being religious') is a huegely important thing. I was raised as a Roman Catholic, lost faith in my teens, nominally describing myself as agnostic or atheist. I felt rather comfortable with this, it seemed logical and sensible. I had no sense that there was anything missing in my life. I had fierce arguments with my Father, who was a devout Caholic. Mum let me be. 

It all changed in 1996. My sisters husband Tim had a terrible accident. We althought he'd die. I was in a state of despair. I did what many do in times of crisis. I went to mass, said a prayer and made a deal with God. If Tim got better, I'd go to mass every week I could.  I couldn't promise belief, that would be dishonest. But I would stick to the bargain. Tim had been knocked off a moped in Greece. He was a successful doctor in the USA, but he had brain damage and multiple broken bones. His blood pressure was zero when he was found and taken to hospital. We were told to prepare for the worst. But he hang in there.

He pulled through the immediate crisis, but couldn't speak and was immobile. Tim is 18 years older than me. I went to church every Sunday. I reminded God that the deal was that Tim had to get better. Lying in hospital, unable to speak or move was not getting better. Getting better was being Tim. It seemed like I'd be able to have my Sundays to myself. But I persisted. I'm too suprestitious not to. 

After a few months, Tim managed a few words. He'd forgetten every word in the dictionary and had to relearn them. By sheer bloody mindedness, he got out of his bed and started to take tenuous steps.  I sort of decided a Tim that could walk, talk and have a beer was good enough. It seemed we had him back. This took a long time, but it happened. Tim is a highly motivated and intelligent man,, He realised that he'd forgotten every word in the dictionary, so he bought a dictionary and set about relearning them. Due to the brain damage, he lost his medical license. He was determined to recertify. 

To our amazement, he did this. He is now 78 years old and still working in an A&E department, saving lives. This is a very abridged version of the story. There are many ups and downs. But this is the reason I go to Church every Sunday. But there is another part to the story. I went, assuming it would be a waste of my time, a deal that I couldn't renege on but one I had to keep, as if I stopped and Tim dropped dead, it would be my fault. A sort deific joke on me. The worlds worst but most observant Catholic.

I found that taking an hour of my week to spend in a place of peace, being reminded that we should be good, caring human beings is actually a very beneficial thing. I picked up the bible and re read the gospels, something I'd only done in RE lessons at FCHS. What did I learn? Oddly that Jesus was a very different being to what I thought. A very different being to what the Religious right portrays him. A man who broke conventions and advocated non violence. A man who abhored snobbery and hypocrisy. 

I have to admit, I struggle with the rituals, but it is time well spent. I am not blind to the issues with organised religion, but sadly these are because we dont listen. I have a friend who is a chair of a Mosque. We have great chats and conclude the same thing. Be a good person and love your family. Easter is a time of rebirth and in some ways I see parallels in what happened with Tim, which is why I thought I'd share it.  

So that is what I will do. I'll make time for the 3pm service at the Church and be with my family as well. I trust that this will be ok with the boss upstairs, have a great Good Friday. 

How Edgware has changed in 100 years

 A friend pinged me this wonderful map of Edgware made in 1929. It is well worth a click and a proper gander, as it were!

The map was produced by the London Underground to promote travel on the tube. It is quite interesting that despite it being designed to promote Edgware, it only has about 1/4 of Edgware in it, in fact it is a far better map for Elstree. I love old maps and it opens a little window into what Edgware and the surrounding district used to be like. Pubs such as The Leather Bottle, long since lost, are mentioned. The rather wonderful @Time_NW Twitter account did a wonderful thread on this topic

The Old Leather Bottle, Stone Grove, Edgware, circa 1916. I dont know how long a pub had stood on this site, but, given the A5 was an old coaching route, it could go back to the 1700's.(1/10)

Old postcard image pic.twitter.com/rBtaZvtZC7

— NW London TimeMachine (@time_nw) May 5, 2020

 Other interesting references are the tramways. Again there are some wonderful tweets on the subject of trams in Edgware

A London Transport 66 service tram at Stonegrove, Edgware, circa the mid 1930s.
The building behind is a sports pavilion.

Image A. Packer via Chris Stanley on Flickr. pic.twitter.com/XbrXtwHFpO

— NW London TimeMachine (@time_nw) February 12, 2023

Edgware has changed beyond recognition from those days. Now BArnet Council are planning to do a very major 'regeneration' of the area. This will involve bulldozing many of the remaining reminders of those halcyon years. The @Time_NW twitter account is run by BBC Radio London Industrial Historian Mark Amies, who also tweets as @Superfast72. Mark drew my attention to a 'consultation survey' (anyone familiar with Barnet Council knows that what this means is that you answer a load of questions and give your opinions, so that they can ignore you).  Here is Mark's tweet

If you live in Edgware or nearby, or you care what happens to it, I recommend you look at this, and do the surveys. Once you have, you can see other people's comments @BarnetCouncil @tfl @MayorofLondon and @ballymore will need to take those on board before ground is broken. https://t.co/BoVfQH2Aga

— Mark Amies (@Superfast72) April 4, 2023

If you are an Edgware resident or have a connection with the area, please have a look at the plan and add your comments. You will then be able to see other people's comments as well.  CLICK HERE FOR THE REGENERATION SCHEME WEBSITE

Here are a few

"You don’t show the massive towers and lack of parking and how hard it will be to get around and traffic that will be caused by the large towers"

"Large towers with no suitable leisure and public services like schools or doctors or upgrades transport means this will be a hell on earth for residents. Adding some small playgrounds won’t do anything. What about sports facilities like running tracks or tennis and basketball courts."

"Go back to the drawing board and listen to the people who live in Edgware"

"This is just a concrete jungle. Parking is already a problem yet you are goimg to use the already overfull car park. Where is the new school(s) to accomodate all the children who will live here, where is t he new Doctors Surgery for the new people's healthcare. Edgware and Barnet Hospitals are already heaving and unable to cope with the amount of people in their care, what plans do you have to overcome this? Where is the dentist surgery for the new people. This is just not been thought out! Also, when the old Spur Road Estate was rebuilt we were told that there would not be any more high rise buildings in Edgware as they were ugly and also caused/created lots of problems. Were Barnet Council lying to us?"

I concur with these comments. I am all for more proper social housing. Barnet has had its heart ripped out by regeneration schemes and yet it is impossible for young people to live locally unless they are subsidised by the bank of Mum and Dad. I have just lost a key member of staff, a young man evicted  from 'unsecure social housing' by Barnet Homes, for a 'regeneration project' in Grahame Park. The letter sent to him by Barnet Homes told him he was getting booted out and was not entitled to rehousing, despite having been a tenant since 2013. After I intervened, he was told that Barnet Homes would assist him and they didn't mean what they'd said in the letter they sent him. He was so traumatised by his treatment, as someone who had mental health challenges, that he has moved away from Barnet. This is the true story of regeneration. Local people, born and raised in the Borough are treated like dirt. All of the building in the Borough in the last 20 years has changed it beyond recognition, but the waiting list for council housing is as long as ever and it is more difficult than ever for our young people to afford to buy flats and homes. 

If you want to know the truth of the Edgware regeneration, email your local councillor and ask them if the regeneration will make it easier for young people born and raised in Barnet to rent or buy affordably. My question for the council is this. My daughter is a teaching assistant at a local school. Will this scheme mean she will be able to afford to live in Edgware and as a key worker, will she be guaranteed a home is she needs one. Sadly, with most of these schemes the only people that are guaranteed a place are offshore millionaires, who have fat deposits to put down. 

The responsibility of writing a blog

 Today, I did something that I've been putting off for a couple of months. I responded to an email that a reader of the Barnet Eye sent me. Normally, I am pretty quick off the mark to respond, but the content of the email was very disturbing and sensitive. They asked me not to share it, which I fully respect.  They had read a blog about my schooling and asked for my opinion of certain individuals. I found what they confided rather difficult. This was not because of any legal issues, but it made me challenge myself. I felt that whatever response I gave, I had to be reeasonable, fair, stick to the facts and where I had a strong opinion, that I couldn't really evidence, say so. 

The aspect that disturbed me most was that I realise that when I write such things, they are subjective. I have no control over who may read them and in truth, some people may not only strongly disagree, but might be very upset about my opinions. By the same token, some people may be given the strength to speak up about things that should be spoken up about. Perhaps, just perhaps in some cases, the tin of strawberry delight you think you are opening quickly becomes a can of worms. What do you say when something that you experienced and that you chronicle becomes something far darker and more difficult?

The truth is that nothing I experienced (as opposed to rumours I was aware of) at school at the time I was there broke any laws by the standards of the day, these days maybe a quarter of the teachers would be sacked on the spot for their behaviour. Some of my mates have said (and I don't believe they've got the evidence to support it) that the best teachers were the ones who had the toughest attitude. I certainly can't think of a single teacher who was an overbearing bully who I respected or learned anything from. The ones I've always had time for, were the ones who treated me like a human being. 

It made me think about the responsibilities of writing a successful blog. I try and be reasonably careful and sensitive about what I write, whilst also trying to be honest. If people email me, I try and give a fair and reasoned response. If I've made a mistake, I try and correct it. If I've unreasonably upset someone, I try and apologise. All of these are easy to deal with, because it is easy to see the rights and wrongs. What I find hard to deal with is when I find I was more right than I realised. When I wrote something that needed saying and maybe I held back and didn't say everything that should be said. There are usually good reasons. Not least because most people will only hear my side of the story. If someone tells me something I wasn't aware of, which cannot be corroborated, but I am certain is true, that is the most difficult. My view is that if I put it out there and three or more other people corroborate it, then I take it as fact. If they are prepared to go on record (not the same as being named in a blog) I often have published follow ups. At times, powerful interests have then challenged me. I have stated that I have three or more people who I have written confirmation will go on record. To this point, that has been the last I've heard from the challenger. At times even more information has then flowed.  What usually happens is people simply point me in the direction of the supporting evidence, which is as good, if not better. 

But my email correspondence today reminded me of the necessity to be delicate and balanced in some matters. It doesn't usually take me two months to get my head around my response, but if that is how long it takes, all the better. I happen to think blogging is a solemn duty that the Lord has bestowed on me, so I do it to the best of my ability as best as I know how. If I get hit by lightening, you'll know the Good Lord decided I was rubbish at it!

The tweet of the week in the London Borough of Barnet - 2nd April 2023

 It has been a pretty good week for me, more of that later. How has your week been?

Without further ado, here are the tweets of the week.

1. So let's start with my highlight. I saw one of the best football matches I've had the pleasure of attending at Brickfield Lane on Tuesday, watching Hadley FC beat Aylesbury 4-3. A real advert for grassroots football

@hadleyfc some brilliant performances lately ,this wasn't one of them but was brilliant in another way , grit determination and as always never giving up , some team 👏 👏👏👏 pic.twitter.com/U2W6siJPlI

— Paul Thomas (@paultomothomas) March 28, 2023

2. Mark Amies nipped into the studio for a cuppa yesterday, always nice to have a chat. I rather like this tweet. There was a time when it seemed like half of Mill Hill was working at Green Shield house. I remember the company going bust. It was possibly the first time I realised that nothing is really permanent. My mum would get myself and my sister to lick the stamps and put them in the books. We always got loads, as my Dad would fill up cars he was working on at MacMetals and nab the stamps. I think that was where my mum got our Xmas presents from

The giant 1960's office blocks that landed in London suburbia - Green Shield House in Edgware and Ever Ready House in Whetstone. Both completely out of scale with their environment and visible for miles. pic.twitter.com/eesaRxV3B8

— MarkAmies (@YesteryearTweet) March 25, 2023

3. Can you help?

As background to Dame Stephanie Shirley CH, CTT heritage project @bwr_heritage would like to hear from anyone who worked at Post Office Research Station, Dollis Hill 1950 to 1970 & would like to share their experience. email: cricklewoodtt@gmail.com. https://t.co/v4r9tM9WjG

— CRICKLEWOOD (@cipcricklewood) March 29, 2023

4. I thought this was a rather good shout. Any other local suggestions?

Gaumont Cinema, North Finchley 1937-1987 pic.twitter.com/JhsdazBUKR

— Graham Habben (@graham_habben) April 2, 2023

5. This is the most lovely tweet of the week by a country mile. My suster went to school with Spike Milligan's daughter in Mill Hill at St Marys Abbey and Spike opened the school fete. Much missed

Fitting, then, that my half-Kosovar daughter chose ‘On the Ning Nang Nong’ for her poetry recital this term. I think the small Kosovar community in Finchley would be proud of the shared history https://t.co/Z9RpWX1gf4

— Ruairi O'Connell (@oconnellruairi) March 31, 2023

6. As fighting this nonsense was the Raison D'etre of this blog for many a year, this tweet simply has to be included. It's nice being proven right, but if the daft idiots had listened in the first place, it would have saved Barnet residents tens of millions of quid that the council could've spent on something useful

10 years ago #BarnetCouncil gave 2 contracts to #Capita we are pleased to announce that one contract has come back in-house 330 staff are now council employees ✊#No2Privatisation @BarnetTradesCcl @Barneteye @BrokenBarnet @ReasonableNB @_MrMustard @BarnetPost @unisontheunion pic.twitter.com/fx0lRJuL7b

— (((barnet_unison))) (@barnet_unison) April 2, 2023

7. Let's just say we totally agree

In many countries around the world it is custom to sweep the area in front of the business. A small act of care that adds up. @Brent_Council and @BarnetCouncil – a great outreach to embark on, especially with businesses surrounding the Welsh Harp. https://t.co/pr9S9iTXvA

— Friends of the Welsh Harp (@welshharpies) March 31, 2023

8. A date for your diary

We’re looking forward to playing at Mill Hill Music Festival on Saturday 24th June. Tickets available now at https://t.co/6qgPZvnxuj @millhillfest

— BBCECB (@BBCECB) March 30, 2023

9. Another date for your diary

Amazing line-up @BarnetLibraries 👏👏 https://t.co/WcxazZTc9R

— Debra Barnes (@debra_author) March 31, 2023

10. Great to hear a local legend on the radio!

We love Ed Bentley, a true gent and always has a smile on his face when he is in the studio! @robert_elms https://t.co/DSi52A1Het

— #MillHillMusicComplex (@MillHillMusicCo) March 31, 2023

That's all folks!