"This event has enabled us to improve the way in which our future ships are riveted together"
On reflection, I would suggest this would be the type of thing they may put out. I'd be interested to see any suggestions you may have. A free Bombay Bad Boy pot noodle at Mill Hill Music Complex for the best one.
"No one could have anticipated that an Iceberg would appear in the Northern Atlantic Sea. Officers Checked the horizon several hours before the crash and gave the horizon a clean bill of health. Whilst loss of life is always regrettable, it must be pointed out that of those actually resuced 100% survived. Cleaarly there are lessons to be learned from the sinking of the Titanic and the Council is pleased to announce that we will be launching four new Titanics next week to compensate for the failure of the one in the Atlantic last night. We believe that the problems encountered with the Titanic last night are due to the previous Labour administration at the Council eleven years ago and that as the new fleet of Titanics have been built to One Barnet specifications, only bloggers, Cafe Owners and American ex pats could possibly doubt that they will be completely Iceberg proof".