Here we go......
1. The artistic director of The Roundhouse.
Why - The Roundhouse is my favourite venue in the world. I think it is an absolutely superb space. Many of my favourite gigs have been staged there. I've even got my name on the wall there!
What I'd bring to the job - I've run an independent studio successfully for 39 years (as of Feb 14th). I'd like to see a few more festivals etc at the venue, curated by well known artists, giving up and coming artists a slot on the bill. It is my absolute dream for my band, The False Dots to do a show there, and I'm sure most other London bands feel the same. One of the downsides of the modern digital age is that it gets ever harder for us to hear new artists. There is no John Peel show on Radio One. I absolutely believe that live venues such as The Roundhouse are the perfect antidote to this, and getting genuinely strong bills is the way to go. The first Punk gig I saw was The Ramones, The Talking Heads and The Saints. It made me realise that diverse groups of artists can work on a bill.
2. Guest presenter of The Robert Elms Show on BBC London.
Why - There is no way I'd want to take Roberts job. He's brilliant, but I'd love to present it when he's off with the Missus for a dirty weekend. It is perhaps the best job in the world, as it covers all the bases that interest me, Music, Food, Drink, Architecture, obscure facts, lists (The London Playlist), Transport.
What I'd Bring to the job - Robert does all that stuff so well. What would I bring? Well if I was doing it as a one off, I'd do a whole show on Londons Grassroots music venues. Robert has been great in supporting the Save London Music Campaign, but I'd like to really have a show putting them in the spotlight. I am working on a book on the subject, so it would be a great opportunity to have some fun and get some background info. Mind you I'd like to do it on the day Nigel Bardon comes in, so there would be the food slot, as that always makes me hungry. I'd also get Russell Clark, the Rock and Roll routemaster in to assist. I believe he was a mate of mys sister at Westfield College back in the day. If I did the show on a Thursday, I'd also put London Girls by The Vibrators and E=MC2 by Big Audio Dynamite on the London Playlist. And I certainly wouldn't play the Beatles.
3. Run The Three Hammers Pub.
Why - The Three Hammers has the potential to be the best pub in Mill Hill, if not the whole of the Borough of Barnet. Sadly it is simply not a great place to go for a drink
What I'd bring to the pub - I'd make it a proper community hub. It has the most bland, horrible decor. I'd break it up into areas, have better food with an emphasis on fresh produce, get proper ale's and ciders in. I'd stage Beer festivals in the summer and have a proper program of live music. I'd encourage pensioners and families to come. I'd have a dog friendly bar so that walkers doing the Totteridge Valley could use it as a hub. I'd even organise guided walks! I'd also have board game nights and comedy. Ideally I'd love to make it a brew pub.
4. Open a Cheese Shop in Mill Hill Broadway.
Why - long time readers may snigger when they read this. Back in 2010, our local MP, Matthew Offord stated that if he was elected, he'd like to make Mill Hill Broadway the type of place that people would come to open cheese shops. Eight years later we have no cheese shop.
What I'd bring to a cheese shop - Although Mill Hill has a decent selection of convenience stores, a great butcher and a decent wine shop, we really need a top notch deli that does fresh organic produce and high end quality food. I think that it would raise the area. If I win the lottery, I'd take over the Jennings Bet shop and put my deli there. I'd do speciality teas made in pots and fresh coffee, using beans from Smiths Coffee, who used to roast coffee in Mill Hill. But most of all I'd source all the foods that you love but can't get in the other shops. I'd also run cookery courses there, and get guest chefs in to spread the word as to why good ingredients are worth the effort. But most of all I'd have a great selection of rare and unusual cheeses that you simply can't get in Iceland, Tesco's and M&S. And just to be extra environmentally friendly I'd do local delivery to your door on a bike!
5. Become The Artistic Director of Manchester City FC.
Why - I am a City fan. I am highly impressed with the direction the new owners have taken the club. As I have no qualifications to coach, no skill to play and no contacts to bring to the commercial side of the club, I sat back and wondered what I could do to help the club move forward.
What I would bring - Every week Manchester City FC have 55,000 people turn up to watch football. The club are massively interested in social engagement and I think that they could benefit from an artistic director. I have a minor association with the club in this regard, as they used a song I co-wrote and performed as the music for their website goal of the month show in 2012. I regalarly go to the Etihad and I think that there is a missed opportunity to do many things. I'd invite young fans to submit artwork and display this in the bar and catering areas. I'd get local bands to submit music for the website. I'd have a page in the matchday program to promote local music, arts etc. Chelsea have a fantastic venue at Under The Bridge and this is something City should look at. Vincent Kompany, the club captain is doing an MBA and made a well reported comment that Premier clubs should cut the cost of watching the team to attract grassroots supporters. I'd like to also see this developed. I'd have 500 seats that local kids would get free every week, but they'd have to do something cultural for the club or the community to qualify.