I've been sitting on some news for a couple of weeks now. It is good news. I've had my latest PSA test and the level is undetectable. It is now sixteen months since I had my prostate removed, so having crossed everything, I am starting to feel like I can finally relax. Now I've sort of felt like that before only to have a rude awakening, but it is as good as the news can possibly be at this stage, with regards to cancer control.
And then there are the other issues which us men care about. First the bad news, I can't have any more kids. As I wasn't planning on having any, that is not a hardship. Secondly there is the issue of continence. For many men, this is the biggest bug bear. I am very lucky. It hasn't really been an issue since day one, so long as I remember the ten second rule. What is that? Well, when I have a pee and finish, I count to ten and try again and give a little shake. Sometimes there is a nasty dribble left in there, that annoyingly comes down as soon as I tuck in, if I forget. If I do the ten second rule, this completely stops this. If I am in a rush and forget, very occasionally the dribble catches me out. Compared to what many men experience that is really nothing and avoidable. It is only really at the loo at football matches, where there is a big crowd of people waiting and I wanted to get done that I've been caught out. Even then, it is just enough to be annoying, it isn't a massive amount. And finally... The thing that for me was my biggest concern. Sexual function. This has more or less come back. I have a prescription of cialis, but I've been finding I am getting a sexual reaction without them, which is pretty good. There is still work. It isn't perfect, but it is nearly there. If I am honest, many problems are probably caused by my own anxiety around the matter. I find that alcohol is also a problem. When I don't drink, which is normally the case 3-4 days a week, it is fine. Annoyingly, it does mean that those romantic dinners with the missus and a bottle of wine are less romantic than I'd like. It was suggested to me that as a sixty two year old man, that may have been the case anyway by now. I am not convinced.
So to sum up, I guess I am in a good place and I feel that all of my treatment options have worked for me.
However.....
Without wishing to get on to the issue of faith and religion, I believe God put us here for a reason, gave us the tools to do what we have to do in our life and put the obstacles and challenges there to let us show our mettle. I don't really want a philosophical debate about this here and now, but I realised that I have two minor talents, which I can put to good news. I can write a blog that people like reading and I play in a band that people also rather seem to like. I am not Shakespeare or Mick Jagger, but I do OK. So when prostate cancer reared its ugly head, I was determined to use the talent of writing to document the struggle. I recall a journalist called John Diamond, who was Nigella Lawson's husband writing about his struggle with the throat cancer, that ultimately killed him. His words inspired me and when I was diagnosed, I was determined to follow in his footsteps and chronicle my journey.
Over the last four years, my band has really changed our style. With the departure of former singer, Allen Ashley in 2020, I have been able to write far more personal songs than was possible with Allen. This is not a criticism of Allen, who is a brilliant lyricist, but the band has a very different vibe now. It soon became clear to me that I had to write a few songs about my experiences with cancer. My first effort was called Buy me a bottle of jack, which is about the darkest moments I've had on the journey. I had to put it out there, because men don't talk about dark feelings and this ends up tragically. I have come to the conclusion that cancer is much a mental health issue as it is a physical illness. Being told you are mortal, have a disease that will kill you, unless you have some pretty unpleasant things done, and even then it still might, is not conducive to great mental health. I am not sure I succeeded entirely in my mission with the song. Quite a few people have mistakenly thought it is an anthem for Trumpesque redneck pursuits of drinking Jack Daniels and playing with guns. Someone complimented me on my humourous look at redneck culture in the song. It made me decide to rewrite it.
So I decided to write a song that couldn't possibly have its meaning missed. I also wanted it to explicitly address the issue of my situation and prostate cancer. So I started with the title "Don't be scared of a finger up the bum", which refers to rectal prostate examination. I then went through how I was diagnosed, what the doctors said to me about my early diagnosis, the family history, which I was unaware of and finally an invocation to all blokes to get tested and also to talk about these issues.
I realised that the idea of changing the lyrics to Buy me a bottle of Jack wouldn't work, as the whole structure was different. So I played around and came up with a structure I liked. When we started playing it, we played with various tempo's and feels and we hit on one that seemed just right. There is a bit of a nod to 'Jack' in the guitar riff, but it's very different and has become a favourite. So that was the story of the song. As for the video, I decided to film my journey to the hospital for my operation in 2023. When I looked at it, there wasn't enough good footage for a three minute video. I found an animation that showed a what happens with a robot assisted radical prostatectomy. I realised it would be an excellent background to the narration. It all came together really well.
I showed it to a few friends and they agreed it made an excellent video. They suggested I added the narration subtitles. This was done, a few tweaks added. And here we are. We discussed timing. It was agreed we'd do it after the False Dots Xmas party at The Dublin Castle. The two things were totally different so we didn't want to mix up the messaging. Why at Xmas? Well we figured that people see a lot of friends, so what better time to try and get people to start talking about the issues. Normally, when we make a pop video, we want to 'have a hit'. In this case, that isn't the purpose. It is simply to get a few people to watch it. If one bloke gets a check and catches an undetected cancer, it will have done it's job. Anything else is a bonus. So that's the story. Here's the video. I hope you enjoy it. Please share it.
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