All I want for Christmas is...... Xmas Eve Blog

 I have felt a bit discombobulated all week. Partially the diet, partially Xmas excess and partially something I couldn't put my finger on. I finally worked out what it was this morning. I'm cooking Xmas lunch tomorrow for fourteen people. We've been shopping etc, painting the house, cleaning and planning. I've had this awful feeling that I've forgotten something. It has been bugging me all week. I've made lists, triple checked them, but still felt I've missed something. Then I realised what it was. It rather disturbed me. Something was missing. It wasn't food, it wasn't presents. I checked the list of people coming and what they ate three times. But it felt wrong. 

The tribe at Xmas in 1973

Then I realised what was preying on my mind. I had this feeling that guests were missing from the list. Who had I not added. This morning I was woken by Clare bringing me a cuppa at 7.30pm. I'd been in the middle of a rather odd dream. I'd served dinner out in the kitchen and we brought it into our dining room. I had the horrible realisation that I'd failed to plate up dinners for my Mum and Dad. They were chatting away and waiting for their dinner. How could I have forgotten them. Then the tea arrived and I woke up and realised that Dad had passed away in 1987 and Mum in 2008. Whatever they are doing and wherever they are (or aren't) it won't be me making them Xmas dinner. 

I realised that I've been missing them. Dad was the life and soul of the party at Xmas. I think Mum saw it as an expensive load of hassle. Mum told me once that Christmas was always just a huge load of work for her. 

She knew that, as the mother of six kids, she had to make an effort, but as soon as I was 16, she gave up on the whole thing and would go to one of my brother or sisters places. By the time I was eighteen, they would go to Florida and be sunbathing on Xmas day. I was quite happy to be left at home. I can't really remember the first year I did Xmas lunch. I suspect it was around 1990. I've done it every year since. When my Dad passed away, I'd ask my mum, Clares parents and whoever else wanted to come. I much preferred cooking it to going to someone elses. I could have exactly what I wanted in the way I wanted it. 2007 was the last time we had mum and parents. By 2009, we were both orphans. I realised that it is fifteen years since that first lunch without any parents. You think you are over such losses, but at this time of the year, you remember. I'm probably older than my Dad was, the last time I had Xmas lunch with him. It is a scary thought. Time is a funny thing. 

Mum chilling as I like to remember her

Each year, less and less of my friends host traditional Xmas dinners. Many now go to their adult kids, some go on holiday. Some don't have what we'd describe as an Xmas dinner and have all manner of other fancy treats. I like a traditional Xmas, I like going to mass, I like turkey at Xmas, I like spending hours cooking. I love Xmas pud and mince pies. I don't live in the past, I love the benefits of technology in the 2020's. However there are some things I hold on to. I've always struggled with the fact that we throw the good things out with the bad in our culture. Sitting down together with family at Xmas is a real joy. We try and do a family sunday roast as often as possible. I don't get why people don't. And as for Xmas. If I could have anything for Xmas, what I'd really love is for Mum and Dad to turn up tomorrow. I'd find them a decent plate of lunch. Sadly, that bird has flown. I so miss not having a Guinness with Mum at this time of year. A silly little thing, but the most important thing of all. 

Don't get me wrong. I've actually had a spiffing year. Musically it has been awaesome, which is important. Manchester City won the league and Hadley FC have been amazing.  I have pretty much recovered from prostate surgery. I'm happy. It would be churlish to moan. But when you lose your parents, Xmas is hard. I feel so sorry for everyone who the grieving is fresh. I am sure that when everyone turns up tomorrow, the melancholy will lift. Have a great Christmas and make sure you appreciate the little things. You only know how important they are when they are gone forever.

------

As a special Xmas present to you, here is some party fun for the party season from The False Dots