The perfect buffet!

 Guess what I had for lunch today? I had a lunchbowl with some leftover mash, some leftover M&S bean salad, some pickled cabbage and a tin of sardines in tomato sauce. I topped it with some chilli sauce. As I was hungry it was pretty tasty! Guess what my missus and all the kids had? Well they went to a posh hotel in Watford called The Grove and had what is marketed as the best buffet in the world. They all stuffed themselves and seemed happy enough. I decided £60 a pop was too expensive and a waste of money. After I dropped them off, I went to the gym and did a workout. As I relaxed after, in the Jacuzzi at Virgin Active in Mill Hill, I realised I was actually a bit hungry and so my mind started to think of the deliights I'd missed. My main problem with the idea of a posh buffet, is that if I have a buffet, I like all the stuff that is not posh. I like pork pies, cocktails sausages, scotch eggs, ham sandwiches with Colemans mustard, cheddar cheese sarnies with Branston pickle, cheese and pineapple on cocktail sticks, prawn and mushroom Vol-Au-Vonts, deep fried breaded scampi and onion rings. There was a time when the Mill Hill Tandoori did an 'eat as much as you like buffet'. It was great, endless Samosa's and Onion Bhajis, Tandoory chicken, and a nice selection of poppadoms, naan's and rotis. There was also an obligatory meat, chicken and veg curry. It was heaven. Sadly, at some point, the owner figured out we were all too greedy and he was losing money as we scoffed far too much. There are a couple of chinese buffets, but I don't like them. Chinese food is not nice if it's not piping hot and it isn't straight out of the oven.

Much to my wife's irritation, I asked if any of the above items were on the list. When I listed them, she just called me an idiot and said of course not. The comment was "Why would anyone want rubbish that you can buy at Iceland?". But the point is that surely a decent chef can make such items far better than Iceland. I went to a very posh restaurant a while back and they starter was a Cordon Bleu Scotch egg. It was probably the best started I've ever had. In life my biggest bugbear is that posh restaurants ruin and bugger everthing up. It's why you can't get malt vinegar for chips or custard with apple pie at them. By all means do all the fancy stuff, but get the basics right first for us plebs. I'd have felt cheated if I'd gone and I'm not just saying that. 

Right, must go. I'm off to the pub for a pint and a burger and chips!