Yesterdays Saturday list was themed on realisation. This was very much a precursor to todays blog which is on the subject of enlightenment. I don't think you can really feel a sense of enlightenment without first having a deep realisation of what you are and what is important. When I talk about enlightenment, I am not talking about a religious feeling of conversion or some sort of new age experience, where you discover your inner self. I am sure that some people have these experiences and they are deeply profound and beneficial, but for me, real enlightenment is a totally differrent thing.
So what exactly am I talking about. Well as I said, enlightenment is not realisation. Realisation is gaining an understanding, where previously there was none. Enlightenment is the understanding of why that realisation has come about. It may sound strange, but there are times when I feel a deep sense of enlightenment about my life and where it is going. Other times I feel like I am in the middle of the Atlantic, in a rowing boat in a storm, just hanging on for dear life.
Two years ago, I was absoluteley in the eye of the storm. The news that I had cancer and needed to have a radical prostatectomy was just dawning. I felt absolutely bereft. I was in a situation that I really didn't want to be in. I just wanted the whole thing to go away, but I knew it wouldn't. For a while, I was extremely angry and just about hanging on to the side of the boat with my fingertips. Then I had the realisation that whether I felt angry, desolate or numb made no difference to the situation. I had no choice but to deal with it and move on to the next phase of my life.
Once I had this realisation, enlightenment came. Rather than focus on what I'd lost, I should be focussing on what I hadn't lost. I should look at all of the things that I still can do and that I can enjoy. For me, this made me take a long look at my involvement with music. I can still play guitar, write songs, record and perform in a band. Having had my prostate removed in August 2023, I decided that in 2024, the band would play more gigs than any year in our history and we'd release an album. This was a solid target and it would leave some sort of a legacy. In fifty years time, when I am long gone, maybe my grandchildren (should my kids ever have them) might stumble on the tracks and think "That's my Grandad" and learn a little bit about me.
As I often tend to do, I got very wrapped up in the whole thing and the practicalities of getting everything done. When I set myself the goal, it was very much a numbers thing. The band worked very hard to achieve this. One of the interesting things about music is that the more you play, the better you get. The band came out of 2024 being a much better set up than the one that started the year. It's now April 2025. I look back on the last two years and it is clear to me that, to quote Charles Dickens "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times". A crisis spurred me on to do things that maybe I'd have just let drift. It seems to me that you only ever really achieve true enlightenment after a crisis in your life. When things are good, you are happy and having fun, you have no reason to challenge yourself or rethink what you are doing. My advice? If you are having fun, make the most of it, enjoy it and don't worry. Sure as the tide changes, the good times don't last for ever, and neither do the the bad times.
Today is Easter Sunday, symbolically it is a day of rebirth which is why the egg is the symbol of the season. If things are great, enjoy them, if they are bad, seek to change. On Thursday, I had some news. It looks like I might have to have some more surgery. I have a large hernia and I am pretty sure it will need fixing ASAP. I was really fed up about it. My physio advised me to see a doctor ASAP and not to lift anything or do any exercises that involve abdominal muscle work. Having spent six months getting fit, this felt like it was a bit of a low hit. But the Sun is shining, we are going to take the dogs for a walk and I'm going to see The Potato five at The London International Ska Festival later today. The glass is half full and perhaps true enlightenment is being grateful that it hasn't run dry just yet.
As usual, we finish with some music. When the Sun shines, it puts me in a Reggae frame of mind. I was walking around the garden earlier, admiring the spring flowers and I got thinking of my mates Rick Wenham(RIP) and Luke Albanese who lived next door and who spent our youth messing about in the garden. They inspired this song and are namechecked in it! It seems sort of right.
No comments:
Post a Comment