Rock and Roll Stories #52 - Dying on stage!

I've been asked what is the most bizarre thing that ever happened during a False Dots gig on several occasions. Depending on my mood and my state of inebriation, there are several things that come to mind, but I can say without doubt what the most tragic was. 

On the 15th January 1982, The False Dots played at The Underground Club in Stockholm. It was our tenth gig and the second of our tour of Sweden. The first eight had been at small venues in outer London, schools, youth clubs, church halls and pubs. And yet here we were headlining the hippest, most happening club in Sweden. To give you some idea, Duran Duran had played their a couple of months before. I had cooked up a scheme with a local promoter, when I was living in Stockholm, to hype us as  the next big thing from London. It worked. The club was busy, if not sold out. I'd lived there for nearly six months prior to the gig, and a lot of friends came down. There was some decent publicity and the support band were also well known. We had a decent set and were pretty tight. It was a great experience, although financially, it was pretty devastating for me. I hadn't really understood the mechanics of touring and the hidden costs. I just added up the money we were being paid and subtracted the fares etc, and assumed that we would make a small fortune. If I had the opportunity I'd make the same mistake tomorrow. It was a blast.

So here we are, at onstage at The Underground Club in Stockholm. We start playing and the audience start bopping around. My eye was drawn to a guy with a Rod Stewart hairdo and Tartan pants, dancing like a lunatic. For the first five songs, he was all over the place. On the sixth song, our slow moody number called Suburban Dance, he sat down at the edge of the stage. He then slumped over my guitar pedals. I kicked him, as I needed access to them. He didn't move. Then two bouncers came and dragged him away.

We carried on and did a perfectly fine set. At the end, I was talking to the club manager. He told me that the poor chap had died. He apparently had a cardiac arrest due to taking huge amounts of drugs. The manager was extremely upset, not because the poor fellow had died, but because it meant the club would face an inspection and may lose its licence. It also meant that we became famous, as the band where a bloke died, for a short time. To make matters worse, two underage girls disappeared at the gig. The police suspected that we'd taken them with us for our gig in Finland the day after. We hadn't, they had gone off with another school mate and not told their mums.. But for one day, the news in Stockholm was all about this terrible English Punk rock band, who's fans were drug addicts and who kidnapped schoolgirls. We were blissfully unaware of the furore. There were no mobile phones in 1982, and it was only when we stepped off the ferry to arrive back in Stockholm that we realised. The bands publicist had got the mother of one of the girls, who had said very nasty things about us the previous day, to publicly apologise in front of TV cameras. We didn't even know what she was apologising for. 

When I left Sweden, as we'd not had a work permit, my passport was stamped "No return for ten years". It was actually one of the one year jobbies that you could get for a pound at the Post Office. On return to the UK, I was pulled into a room and grilled by Special Branch. I suspect they were deeply disappointed with my answers. "Did you sell the man who died drugs?". No, I'd never met him before. "How did you finance the tour?", I'd saved up my paper round money at school to buy the tickets and then the venues paid us a fee to play. "Did you use money from the proceeds of drug dealing to finance your tour". Nope. "Where is the bands manager and why didn't he come back with you?". I am the bands manager and I did come back with me. He then said "I hear your a pretty rubbish band", to which I replied "We'll from what I can see, you are a pretty rubbish policeman", at this he lost his cool and started shouting at me, saying "I can lock you up and throw away they key". I was extremely hung over at the time and simply replied "Well get on with it because at least I won't have to listen to you droning on asking stupid questions". I was then strip searched by customs with a rubber gloves. The customs officer said "You are not going to enjoy this". I replied "By the looks of it, you are, did you dream of doing this for  a living at school?". It's fair to say I didn't enjoy it. As I left, They informed me that I'd missed my coach back to London. They were wrong. The band had got the driver to wait. It doesn't really pay to give verbals to such people, but in all honesty I am glad I did. They were extremely rude and disrespectful and as far as I could see were bullies in positions of authority. For the next ten years, I got pulled over every time I went through customs. The last time, I said to the officer "You know, I get pulled over every time I come through, I could make a fortune as a professional decoy". He assured me I wasn't on any list, and after that, it stopped.

I was 19 at the time. I'd been out of school for six months and was not as worldly wise as a I am now. My biggest regret of all is that I didn't realise what a unique event in my life the bands tour of Sweden would be. At the time, I assumed that within a couple of years, we'd be a  big time band and we'd be doing it all of the time. What I didn't see then, was that we were far too niche for the mainstream music industry. We've always done well on the live circuit, some people love our music, if you come to see us, you will be entertained, however record company moguls, big league managers etc, never get bands that cannot be summed up in one sentence and are not seeking to be flavour of the month. In truth I am rather glad. I still enjoy making music. You can see the band play on Sunday 21st December from 2pm. We still do one of the numbers we played on that tour. We have songs written in 1979, songs written last week and songs from the era's in between. Click here for details  False Dots Xmas Party (Matinee Show) it really will be a blast.