I stuck a nail through the fingertip on my index finger of my left hand last week. This is a bigger problem than you might realise. I play guitar in a rock and roll band and it made playing almost impossible. As The False Dots are playing our Xmas party at The Dublin Castle, and we needed to rehearse it wasn't pleasant. You don't really know how much you need your fingertips until such things happen. I heard a caller to a radio show in the week, talking about a crisis in their life. They said "I was just about hanging on by my fingertips". Of course it was a metaphor for struggling, but it reminded me of my sore fingertip and got me thinking. Hanging on by your fingertips is bad enough, but when you've had a nail through a fingertip what is difficult becomes impossible. The last couple of months have been difficult. I wouldn't say they are the worst time of my life, but I've had some massive challenges in my business, in our family life and in some of the organisations I have positions of responsibility in. I don't really want to go into any of them here and now, but I feel at the moment as if every time my phone rings, I get a whatsapp or text message, it will be some new crisis or problem. I am a resilient person, but it is fair to say that things have been difficult. Not impossible, but very challenging. I wouldn't say I am just hanging on, that would be too overdramatic, but when you wake up and the first thing that you see are more problems and aggro, it is disheartening.
But for me, there has been on light at the end of the tunnel. As I mention, I play in a band. On Wednesday night, we had an amazing rehearsal. My fingertip had recovered from the previous week. My guitar playing was not quite where it should be, as I'd hardly practiced since I'd hurt my finger, but it was passable. We got a brand new song together and it sounded great. When our trumpet player Tom turned up, he announced that he'd come on the bus as his car had broken down. This meant that what is normally a ten minute journey for Tom became a 45 minute schlep, getting two different buses. What did Tom do?? He didn't moan, he bought some beers. If he couldn't drive, he could have a beer. He bought a few for us. It was one of my designated non drinking days, but as Tom had made the gesture and I was walking I had a couple with him. It made me think. We've not had a beer at rehearsals since long before Tom joined the band. It was very pleasant to share a can after we'd done the hard slog. But there was a deeper element of what happened. Tom had seen a bad thing and made it into a rather good thing.
The challenges I've faced with the business, have meant that we've had to do things that we should have done a while ago. It has been disruptive, expensive and chaotic and caused a few short term problems, with a couple of angry customers. We still have a few challenges, but having our hand forced has meant that we are in better shape now going into the new year. It is so hard to see when you are up to your neck and think you may be sinking. But if you manage to stay calm, and see the opportunities that such things give, you often find that when you come through, you realise that God/The Universe/Fate threw up a challenge so that you could improve.
Two years ago, I was still recovering from prostate cancer surgery at Xmas. Having a cancer diagnosis is devastating and the surgery I had was life changing. It is a situation that has no upside and I can't think of a single benefit of such a crisis. I was pretty depressed about the whole thing. A few months ago, a mate of mine was faced with a similar challenge. I spent a lot of time chatting to him. All I could do was offer my support, my experience and point out that I am still having fun, playing in a band and spending quality time with people I love. He made a point of saying "Thanks so much Rog, you really helped me to get through it". I really only had a few conversations, but just knowing someone who has been through such a thing and can give you support is a great thing. It made me realise that although it was not I talent I'd ever wanted or had sought, as a human being who has friends and cares about them, it does matter and I am reconciled to my situation and am now proud to wear the survivor badge. In my life, I suspect the cancer diagnosis was my biggest challenge, the thing that really did have me hanging on by my finger tips. I have often said that for me cancer was more a mental health challenge than anything. It still is at times. I am OK, I am clear at the moment. But it is like a big hairy spider under the bed. You hope it stays there.
I was in the 8.30 mass at the Sacred Heart and I was listening to the readings and thinking about what I would write today. One of the things that they do during the service is read out the list of people who have passed away. Sadly, two grand old ladies, mothers of people I am friends with, were on the list. Both were in there 90's. Both were big figures in the Parish when I was growing up, their families part of the wider local community. I felt so sorry for the families, having their first Xmas without their mothers. Both ladies had lead a full life and their passing will cast a shadow. It reminded me that the life of us all has a full stop at the end. For every one of us, sooner or later that will mean an empty chair at the Xmas dinner table. It is inevitable and rather sad, we can't avoid it. But we can make the most of the time we have. Fingertips. Mine will be playing the guitar this week. I hope they are strong enough to hang on when the tide comes in and tries to wash me away again, but for now they will be making music and hopefully putting a few smiles on peoples faces.
Have a great Sunday
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