In yesterdays blog I implied I was calm, rational person, who does not lose his rag. I did believe this to be true when I wrote it. However subsequent events yesterday demonstrated to me that I am not quite as calm and reasoned as I made out. Let me explain.
When I left work, I went to my gym at Virgin Active. I parked at the side of the building and was checking a whatsapp message, before going in, when I noticed a teenager boy walking a young dog. This caught my eye, as the dog looked like a very young version of our 15 year old fox red Labrador cross Bruno. Bruno is a much loved family member and whenever I see a similar dog, it always catches my eye.
As I watched, thinking "what a beautiful young dog" the dog decided that it wanted to sniff the wall. The teenager started to drag it. He then turned around and kicked the dog. I was completely unprepared to witness this act of violence. A red mist descended and I jumped out of the car and started yelling at the teenager. He clearly hadn't realised he was being observed and started to say "sorry, sorry". I then shouted "that is a beautiful dog, you should consider yourself lucky to have it, I saw which house you came out of and if I ever see you mistreat an animal again, I will call the police". By this time the teenager was briskly running down the road. I was absolutely furious.
In hindsight, I am glad there was a fence and a small embankment between us, as I'd have probably physically engaged him. As we all know such things can go horribly wrong. There were several staff of the gym, having a cigarette nearby, who heard the shouting. They did not see the incident. I explained to them why and they seemed shocked.
When I was 33 years old, I engaged in anger management sessions. I was conscious that on occasion, I had lost the plot and sought the need to control myself. One of the things that I was told, which gave me little solace is that in chaotic situations, it is hard to manage how you behave. The key strand is to avoid situations where you are likely to be triggered. The incident that made me seek counselling was when I was the victim of an unprovoked attack in the toilet of a pub. Someone randomly punched me in the face, whilst I was at a urinal. My reponse was very violent and it was pure luck that the assailant was not badly injured or killed. The counsellor advised that in such a situation, it is very hard to adopt any strategy, especially as you're subject to a sudden, unexpected violent attack.
Since that time, I've not experienced 'red mist' until yesterday. I think having two rescue dogs, who were both badly treated and are extremely nervous and damaged by abuse has made me very sensitive about mistreatment of animals. Fortunately, there was no physical element to the confrontation, but I did realise I'd lost the plot. It has left me feeling vulnerable and unsettled. As I noted yesterday, I am too old for such activities.
I suppose that getting so triggered every 30 years means I'll be 93 next time I lose the plot.
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